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Original poster

Ex still getting things delivered to my house

28 replies

Havingamoment247 · 30/09/2022 13:57

Long and short of it, we’re going through a horrible divorce. He was an extremely abusive man, sexually, mentally, emotionally, financially and he actually left me (LOL, thank goodness though. I would have never have left I was too conditioned).

Anyway. I’m amicable for the kids but inside seethe when I see or hear about him and now, yet again (because this has happened multiple times now) he’s getting something delivered to my house. He used to live here until 5 months ago and at first I thought it was an honest mistake but it’s happened about 20 times now (way more in the first few weeks when he left).

I’m so annoyed about it inside, like I feel he’s doing it on purpose (it’s a clothes order but he still has yet to help with our kids financially - am going through CMS now) and I know it shouldn’t bother me but it does. Am I reading too much into it?

He’s ‘kindly’ told me I can reject the delivery when it comes but the delivery driver just popped it on my door so I never had the chance.

OP posts:
Paq · 30/09/2022 14:07

Just hide it and pretend not to know anything about it.

Original poster
Havingamoment247 · 30/09/2022 14:11

Paq · 30/09/2022 14:07

Just hide it and pretend not to know anything about it.

I’d love to haha but he’s already got the delivery notification saying it’s been delivered. I’m going to return to sender haha but I’m just annoyed about it!

OP posts:
Paq · 30/09/2022 14:15

Unless he has photographic proof of you receiving it just pretend it must have been nicked off your doorstep.

vodkaredbullgirl · 30/09/2022 14:17

Don't accept any more parcels for him.

Original poster
Havingamoment247 · 30/09/2022 14:19

vodkaredbullgirl · 30/09/2022 14:17

Don't accept any more parcels for him.

I don’t accept a thing, they just drop them at the door and then he collects them when he ‘eventually’ sees the kids. I’ve asked him not to do it but it’s always an ‘accident’.

OP posts:
HappyAsASandboy · 30/09/2022 14:33

If the delivery guy knocks, tell them he is not know at the address. If they leave it, write "not known at this address" on it and put it back in the post (even if it wasn't Royal Mail, they'll return it to the sender).

If he asks about any parcel, just ask him why he thinks it would have been delivered to your house? If he shown proof of it on your doorstep, shrug and say you never found it.

Ginandpanic · 30/09/2022 14:39

This happened to me.
i put a note in my door saying no parcels for his name.,
one of them was a rare imported collectible from the USA. Courier knocked to double check, I still refused it.

Pixiedust1234 · 30/09/2022 14:39

First things first. Does he partially own the house? If so legally he could be living there. If he has no financial or legal rights then send them back as no longer lives there. Or just play nice until the divorce etc is though especially if he is entitled to move back.

Original poster
Havingamoment247 · 30/09/2022 14:43

HappyAsASandboy · 30/09/2022 14:33

If the delivery guy knocks, tell them he is not know at the address. If they leave it, write "not known at this address" on it and put it back in the post (even if it wasn't Royal Mail, they'll return it to the sender).

If he asks about any parcel, just ask him why he thinks it would have been delivered to your house? If he shown proof of it on your doorstep, shrug and say you never found it.

I’m going to start to do this as it’s just ridiculous. Thank you for the suggestions!

OP posts:
Original poster
Havingamoment247 · 30/09/2022 14:43

Ginandpanic · 30/09/2022 14:39

This happened to me.
i put a note in my door saying no parcels for his name.,
one of them was a rare imported collectible from the USA. Courier knocked to double check, I still refused it.

I’m going to do this as well!!! Very good idea !

OP posts:
Floomobal · 30/09/2022 14:47

I think I’d throw parcels away (or donate the items), so that he’s paying for items but not receiving them. Returning them inevitably gets him a refund.

Obviously, deny all knowledge. But I bet he’ll stop having things delivering pretty damn quickly when he realises it’s a total waste of money.

Original poster
Havingamoment247 · 30/09/2022 14:48

Pixiedust1234 · 30/09/2022 14:39

First things first. Does he partially own the house? If so legally he could be living there. If he has no financial or legal rights then send them back as no longer lives there. Or just play nice until the divorce etc is though especially if he is entitled to move back.

Yes, he does own half the house, he doesn’t live here and I know ‘legally’ he could but it’s not about that. It’s about morals and not thinking i’m still his property because I WFM and he knows I can accept parcels for him. There’s zero chance he’d move back (he’s already with his next victim and they have a place together). I’ll play nice for the kids but this just feels like something that’s really bothering me (stupidly I know haha)

OP posts:
DismantledKing · 30/09/2022 14:51

It’s a form of control on his part. By having these things still delivered to your address he’s forcing himself into your life and trying to destabilise you.
it’s not daft to be annoyed by it.

Original poster
Havingamoment247 · 30/09/2022 14:52

Floomobal · 30/09/2022 14:47

I think I’d throw parcels away (or donate the items), so that he’s paying for items but not receiving them. Returning them inevitably gets him a refund.

Obviously, deny all knowledge. But I bet he’ll stop having things delivering pretty damn quickly when he realises it’s a total waste of money.

I want to throw them all away. Desperately. But I’m blamed for everything as it is (even all his affairs and hiding money) so I’ll definitely have to return to sender!

OP posts:
Original poster
Havingamoment247 · 30/09/2022 14:54

DismantledKing · 30/09/2022 14:51

It’s a form of control on his part. By having these things still delivered to your address he’s forcing himself into your life and trying to destabilise you.
it’s not daft to be annoyed by it.

Thank you for this. I feel like he’s trying to control me or upset me (doesn’t ask about the kids or anything but text me saying he’s having a parcel delivered to the house). Just feels so f*cling callous.

OP posts:
TheSandgroper · 30/09/2022 15:13

Yes, he is trying to control you. He is continuing to impose his presence inside your house. And that makes him happy and satisfied. Either return to sender or perhaps store them in one of the childrens rooms so they are a small step removed from you?

Pixiedust1234 · 30/09/2022 15:19

Havingamoment247 · 30/09/2022 14:48

Yes, he does own half the house, he doesn’t live here and I know ‘legally’ he could but it’s not about that. It’s about morals and not thinking i’m still his property because I WFM and he knows I can accept parcels for him. There’s zero chance he’d move back (he’s already with his next victim and they have a place together). I’ll play nice for the kids but this just feels like something that’s really bothering me (stupidly I know haha)

Show quote history

I do get it, I was just warning you that if you push too much right now he could move back in or do something that screws you over more if you aren't legally and financially separate. The phrase is this the hill you are willing to die on springs to mind.

If you really think you are safe on all fronts then just do the return to sender every time and deny all knowledge. Dont let the kids see you with any parcels etc. Protect yourself.

AccountDeactivated · 30/09/2022 20:04

If you get blamed for everything anyway, lean in to it. Don’t return them, and don’t give them to the sex offender. If the sex offender asks about them say ‘why would they be delivered here? Of course not.’ when he bleats about delivery confirmation say how weird it is, oh well, never mind, and close the door. He obviously hasn’t changed his address on stuff just to annoy you, so cut off that source of pleasure for him.

Maray1967 · 30/09/2022 23:41

To be honest, I’d leave them on the step. If they get nicked or damaged, it’s his problem.

MinnyMous · 01/10/2022 00:30

I’d leave them wherever the courier has left them. They will soon get nicked and he will realise he will have to come and pick them up or stop doing it.

SarahDippity · 01/10/2022 00:41

Has he changed the address for his credit card? Some items of value can only be delivered to the billing address. This was a source of huge issues between my ex and me.

5zeds · 01/10/2022 00:50

What about a box open to the elements with “parcels for Mr tedious” written on it?

DimplesToadfoot · 01/10/2022 01:20

Return them to the sender, don't give them to him unless you're recording the exchange and have witnesses.

I had this with my ex, like a mug I gave him the parcels and in my case his letters, one of the letters turned out to be credit cards, that he maxed out and then went to the police saying I'd ordered this stuff in his name along with the credit cards, there was proof I'd recieved it but no proof to show I'd given it all to him. It was only a chance encounter that the truth came out but until it did, for months, I was looking at jailtime.

Ohjustboreoff · 01/10/2022 01:28

If the courier leaves the parcel by your front door just leave it there! Don't bring it in just leave it where it is. Then when it gets taken you can say you told him not to get things delivered as you wouldn't take them in so you left it outside.

nuttynotty · 01/10/2022 09:51

Just leave the items on the doorstep or where the courier leaves them.
They can get rained on or stolen. None of your business.

Don't interrupt your work to facilitate this little petty game of this. You'll need your job to pay your bills and clothe your children.
You don't need to deal with his parcels, you're not his PA.