I’m reflecting on my current relationship. We’re nearing our 2 year anniversary and things aren’t as wonderful as they once were. But I’m well aware that initial sparks and passion and thinking the sun shines out of their arse can’t last forever! But he doesn’t bring me much joy anymore. In fact on reflection I think he makes my life harder and I walk around on egg shells.
He is perhaps a little down at the moment. I didn’t want to be that person who left him when he was down. It’s Work/money issues which he is now doing something about, so I am hopeful for improvements in his general mood. Because he can be quick to anger, and I worry that is a bad environment for my kids (5 & 9). He does show anger in front of them in a hot headed manner: road rage etc. and sometimes gets annoyed by them (food/mealtime issues with youngest). never violent. But he almost like a toddler having a tantrum himself: not learnt any self control.
I really really dislike arguing. Would chew off my own arm to avoid confrontation. He does get angry at me too. Usually because of thinly disguised jealousy. For instance usual flare up is about the fact that I have a good relationship with their father and will not have him criticising him. It was getting unbearable, but he has now stopped drinking so is not nearly as bigger problem.
So. I think he is making big changes to his life (work and drinking): which will hopefully change his general demeanour and attitude. And then life with him might get more positive again. So I’m still hanging on in there. How long to wait though? He is trading on past glories so to speak. It was beautiful. I think he gets a lot out of our relationship. Me? When we’ve got a child-free weekend we’re a-ok. But during the week when he’s tired, I’d almost prefer him not to be here so I can get on looking after my kids in peace.