Living apart together with a baby

[Fuzzyhippo]

I'm expecting in January and me and my partner of 7 years will continue to live 45 minutes apart with our parents due to financial and personal reasons which are out of my control. He's not the easiest person to communicate with as he takes a good few hours before he replies to texts or calls at times, so I'm trying to figure out how it'll work when I go into labor. Has anyone else done this and it's worked out well?

Farmers wife here 👋🏻 Our situation was different as we live together and I was induced but I can completely understand the ties required to a farm, livestock and elderly parents. There’s always animals trying to die or escape at the most inconvenient times. A pig escaped on the morning of our wedding, and a lamb during the evening do. He must be used to what it’s like with pregnant livestock (I’m not alikening you to one 🙂) but it’s the same premise. Unexpected labour and deliveries can happen on any day and at any time. Surely he keeps a close eye on them so why would he not check in with you regularly. You don’t say if you already have but I would just outright tell him from now on you need him to a) have his phone on him b) loud and c) answer calls / texts in a certain time frame. Labour is the first of many times in your child’s life that you will need to contact him and require a response in a timely manner. As for having time to be a dad as a farmer it can be difficult with early mornings and late evenings but it’s certainly possible, just a bit more difficult when you’re living apart. During lambing my husband checked the pregnant ewes at 2am whilst I sorted out the baby. Is it possible for a web cam to be set up to keep an eye on things at his home whilst he’s at yours? I think an open conversation is required as to your expectations and how he can meet them.
Good luck OP!

Yes dates all add up and never slept with the other without protection so wouldn't of been possible

There's no effing way someone can seriously be this naive?

What??

@Fuzzyhippo The suggestion that it "can't be possible" to fall pregnant when using protection 🤦🏻‍♀️

Give me strength

Pretty sure I didn't say that, I meant it's less likely.. And the dates also wouldn't add up so I'm pretty sure I know who's baby this is..

Your dates are all over the place.

This man isn't a stable partner for you. You would be well advised to have a back up plan at least in your head of being a single parent.

@Fuzzyhippo Pretty sure I didn't say that, I meant it's less likely.. And the dates also wouldn't add up so I'm pretty sure I know who's baby this is..

I'm pretty sure you did say that....it's right there in black and white. And there's absolutely no way on earth that you can know for sure who's baby this is, if you had a filing with someone in May and then got back together with your partner shortly after. A baby due in January was conceived around 38 weeks after it was actually conceived (generally 2 weeks after your last period), which, depending on your due date is anywhere between mid April to mid May. Which coincidentally is when you were with someone else.

When you say you're pretty sure you know who's baby this is, what you mean is, I hope to god this baby is my partners but the reality is I can't be certain.

Sorry *conceived 38 weeks after due date

Oh OP, I think you need to work on building up some support closer to home. He is not a good man, he’s a creep who seems to prey on teenagers going off a previous post of yours. He won’t give you any kind of commitment and is pretty abusive. He has no respect for you at all and he’s not going to step up now.

Please look out for yourself, don’t let your life revolve around this man.

The posting history is certainly eye opening. I hope you get the help you need.

What about the bloke you were dating for a month by the start of May? After the farmer ghosted you.

You said you were 5 months pregnant at the end of June but earlier said your last period was March/April.

The OP is either being intentionally misleading because she's embarrassed about the real truth, or she really is just naive and frankly, a bit dim. I'm not sure which is worse

There's changing details for privacy and fear of outing but then there's changing so much that things aren't actually possible and advice impossible to give.

I asked for others experiences of living apart together, not to have my past exposed and discussed. Not sure if people on Mumsnet deliberately go around digging through people's posts trying to find drama. But since it obviously sounds like I'd end up a single mum anyway it doesn't really matter anymore. And no I'm not ashamed of what I did, I made that choice to see someone else for a very short time, but I know the truth which I won't be sharing on here. And according to the midwife (who knows the situation) I conceived no less than 2 weeks after I slept with the other man (who never even "finished"), and I was having regular unprotected intercourse with my partner at the same time so chances are that it's his. I also didn't have a scan until I was 20 weeks along so I was going by when I thought my last period was but with PCOS it's not exactly reliable.. I'll be unfollowing this thread as it's not doing my mental health any good and I'm quite honestly having a shit time in the real world..

Well if your BF was having regular unprotected sex with you, it looks like he was hoping you'd get pregnant. Luckily the other fella took precautions, so he wouldn't end up impregnating you. However, as you'd of had a termination given the chance, it's a bit strange to go along with regular unprotected sex in the first place - cause and effect. You have been too passive about your contraception and left it to the men in both cases perhaps, you know you are fertile after 2 pregnancies. If your periods are all over the place to the extent that you have long gaps - big enough to not notice a pregnancy until its too late for termination, that's not healthy. I had pcos and was advised to take hormone treatment as overgrowth of endometrium can increase cancer risk, so you might want to consider hormonal contraception in future which would prevent 2 future potential problems - cancer or pregnancy.
Presently, as your BF is happy, looks like he wants it that way, so hopefully he will be supportive of you. Could he have caused this to keep you in his life when it looked like you might split?
I hope it works out for you. If shit things keep happening, there's a reason, and it could be that you are being lead by others and are vulnerable. Being pregnant should hopefully give you access to support services, I hope you engage with them - midwives, Dr's, and health visitors. Be honest with them about how your life is and they will aim to support you and your child.

To be fair I'm autistic, so I'll go with the dim part I think..

Have you any idea how offensive that comment is. Autistic doesn't equal dim thank you very much. Now I'm certain you're at the wind up.

What @AlternativelyWired just said. Autistic does not equal dim. You have been ableist.

Nope just sick to death of it affecting my life, not allowing me to be understood by anyone. I'm done

You are very articulate on all your threads, it's just that it's impossible for them to be true because of what you are claiming in them. I've never known someone's posting history to be so full of discrepancies.

@Fuzzyhippo what help are you getting? Does your midwife know about your autism? What is the reason for claiming PIP? Is
it related to that?

I'm not getting any help, just antidepressants. And she does but says I appear to be coping fine when I'm not. And yes it is for that, but I've been on DLA since I was a toddler and then got moved onto PIP at 16 if I remember rightly

@Fuzzyhippo I'm worried about you. Looking at your previous posts it sounds like you've had a very difficult life and are highly vulnerable. With this man you have had a baby at 17 that your mum has adopted and you no longer see, a late term abortion, another abortion end of last year and now you're pregnant again. It sounds like he is 8-10 years older than you, he has never been to your house and you only see him once a week. You left school at 12, have never worked and regularly feel suicidal.

This man who will be your child's father is not a good one. He preyed on you and will do nothing positive for you. Cut him out of your life and focus on your baby when they arrive. Despite all the hardship you have experienced you sound like you are trying your hardest to improve your life. Get rid of him and you will blossom.

City folk obviously.