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Original poster

When it feels right can it actually be right?

40 replies

countbackfromten · 27/09/2022 15:56

After horrific relationships, lots of heartache, years of being single, many terrible dates, being ghosted several times and several failed attempts to start a relationship, I have finally met someone really lovely who seems to like me for who I am.

Only a couple of dates in but no red flags, no dodgy behaviour and I just feel utterly comfortable with him. And excited to see him again. With a lovely feeling when I see he has text me.

This feels like a really good thing and already feels “right” - which is something I have never felt before. I might tempting fate but is it possible that this could be right for me? Does that actually happen?

OP posts:
PeloFondo · 27/09/2022 15:59

Yes and no I would say! I had similar recently, history of bad relationships, cheaters etc, years of single

I met someone, felt totally comfortable and finally opened up again. 10 months in and with absolutely no signs, I found out he actually had a girlfriend he didn't mention AngryAngry and I'm heartbroken

I don't post that in a mean way, more a "be cautious but enjoy it" if that makes sense? If it feels right then go with it Smile

Pineappleskies · 27/09/2022 15:59

Identical to a post last week. I imagine you'll get similar comments including mine which that it is ridiculously early to tell but that your romantacising of two dates into a happy ever after and your seeking out of support to do this is worrying.

Take each date as it comes. Live in the present. Stop fantasising.

Original poster
countbackfromten · 27/09/2022 16:06

@Pineappleskies I still firmly have my feet on the ground and expect it will come crashing down around me but it is a very new feeling for me to feel this comfortable with someone. I’m not seeking support for a happily ever after - I don’t think I even believe it that!

OP posts:
Original poster
countbackfromten · 27/09/2022 16:06

@PeloFondo that is awful! I’m so sorry that happened to you

OP posts:
peachgreen · 27/09/2022 16:15

Happened to me – when I met my husband I knew immediately that he was the right person for me. It was a sense of having come home, a kind of "oh, there you are, I've been waiting for you all this time". And what's more I knew he felt the same. I phoned my best friend that night and told her I'd just met the man I was going to marry and I did. We had 8 incredibly happy, blissful years together before he sadly passed away but I don't regret a moment of it. I would never have believed such a thing was possible before I met him.

zonky · 27/09/2022 16:17

They're just feelings aren't they? They could be right, or not down the line. Impossible to really use them in any meaningful way other than there is no guarantee that it will or won't work out. As with any relationship, it is a risk so if you're prepared to take that risk then you're prepared for the relationship to not work out and suffer the consequences of it.

Original poster
countbackfromten · 27/09/2022 16:17

@peachgreen that has made me a bit teary. Thank you for sharing your story, how special x

OP posts:
PeloFondo · 27/09/2022 16:17

countbackfromten · 27/09/2022 16:06

@PeloFondo that is awful! I’m so sorry that happened to you

I'm amazed neither of us have put him under a patio yet

On the other side my parents were engaged after 6 weeks and together 49 years! Dad said he just knew and he had been with his previous girlfriend 5 years and said getting married didn't feel right

Original poster
countbackfromten · 27/09/2022 16:18

@zonky true they are just feelings, just ones I haven’t had before. Finding it very strange tbh but one step at a time and only time will tell!

OP posts:
TimeforZeroes · 27/09/2022 16:20

I guess what you’re kind of asking is if it feels that lovely, surely it must be mutual? And in my experience, not necessarily but then I’m very good at projecting and inferring when there might not be much there.

But then that’s also how it feels when it works out so…

IsThePopeCatholic · 27/09/2022 16:21

Well, it’s a good start! See how it goes. Don’t expect too much after such a short time.

Doggiedoodoos · 27/09/2022 16:35

Don't see why not. There are always success stories. I wish you the best OP :)

OrlandointheWilderness · 27/09/2022 16:35

Oh I posted a very similar thread when I met my DP. And nearly a year and a half later, he is still as wonderful as the day I met him and he still feels like home.

xfan · 27/09/2022 16:41

OrlandointheWilderness · 27/09/2022 16:35

Oh I posted a very similar thread when I met my DP. And nearly a year and a half later, he is still as wonderful as the day I met him and he still feels like home.

That's great, but you cannot guarantee that he will always feel like home, he feels like home right now. Not sure what this is supposed to 'prove' other than your relationship has managed to last a year and a half.

Original poster
countbackfromten · 27/09/2022 17:07

It is actually nice to hear some good stories. I have been so down on dating and even this ends up being nothing more than a few good dates it will have been worth it.

Will see how it goes. But for once it is lovely to have met someone who seems to think I am lovely

OP posts:
Mermaidwaves · 27/09/2022 17:24

I thought I had met someone very special just recently, we met in real life not OLD and he seemed a real sweetheart, I really thought the feelings were mutual. Today he has stood me up and ghosted me after we were supposed to be going away together for the night.

I'm hurt and confused and don't understand what's gone wrong after having a lovely phone call last night. I dont want to be the voice of doom OP but it all seems to go to shit very quickly with modern relationships. Yet again I'm giving up on finding a decent man.

Opentooffers · 27/09/2022 17:42

Yea, I felt comfortable with the last one for about 5 months, then a sudden change and finally the most uncomfortable holiday ever - ended shortly after. Then weeks later, spotted in same bar, same seats we sat in ( designed to be hidden) staring into her eyes in the same way he used to, obviously uses same MO repeatedly. Explained a lot, I'm sure there was an overlap. My advice, that I didn't take heed of, is smell a rat if they only seem to want to communicate via text between dates and avoid if they haven't had a reasonable gap between the you and their last relationship that's commensurate with its length.

Sunnytwobridges · 27/09/2022 17:53

I think it can go either way. I met someone a long time ago, felt he was right from the beginning. After four years together we got engaged and he ghosted me and I found out he married someone else. they are still together decades later.

However I have a friend who met a guy at an event, she said the minute she saw him she knew was the one. They were engaged and married within 6 months and are still happily together 30 years later.

So it can happen and work out, just doesn't seem to happen that way for me lol

layladomino · 27/09/2022 18:39

It can go either way, of course.

There will be people who say 'I just knew from the first time I saw him / her' and they are still together 20 years later. But there are also people (probably many, many more) who had that feeling at it didn't work out long term. Some who had that feeling and it turned out disastrous.

Take each day as it comes. Enjoy the moment. Be aware of warning signs. Take care of your heart.

OrlandointheWilderness · 27/09/2022 22:54

I'm not sure I have to prove anything to anyone actually @xfan!? The OP asked for experiences, I've given mine. No more or less than you have done. I know that it does not guarantee anything, I'm not an idiot you know! I'm a grown woman who has been through failed relationships exactly the same as anyone else.
And never mind 'managed' to survive - my relationship is grand thanks!

sallyglastonbury · 27/09/2022 23:09

OrlandointheWilderness · 27/09/2022 22:54

I'm not sure I have to prove anything to anyone actually @xfan!? The OP asked for experiences, I've given mine. No more or less than you have done. I know that it does not guarantee anything, I'm not an idiot you know! I'm a grown woman who has been through failed relationships exactly the same as anyone else.
And never mind 'managed' to survive - my relationship is grand thanks!

We've all been through failed realtionships and it only made us stronger every time. Sorry but she needs to learn to listen off her high horse

OrlandointheWilderness · 28/09/2022 06:47

The OP is in the first bit of dating with someone she feels is a good one. I was too, when I posted my thread saying similar. It does NOT mean that you take your eyes off reason and abandon all common sense, I certainly didn't! It means you are excited it is going well, and hopeful for the future and you want to share it. There is nothing wrong with that and she really didn't need to "Listen off her high horse" - I'm sure OP knows damn well it could all end in flames and she needs to be aware of all the usual issues!

Original poster
countbackfromten · 20/07/2023 23:21

A little update, ten months in now and going very strong. We have navigated our way through a lot over those months (meeting someone in your late 30s tends to have more complexity) but I have honestly never felt so loved and appreciated before by a partner.

Definitely didn’t lost sight of myself or get too wrapped up in things but it did surprise me how natural it felt and still feels. Who knows what the future holds but right now I am looking forward to what continues to happen with us and just enjoying it. And he is bloody wonderful - I think I am very lucky indeed.

OP posts:
AskNotForWhomTheBellCurves · 21/07/2023 05:19

Ah that's so lovely, what a nice update! Smile Thanks for coming back!

RosesAndHellebores · 21/07/2023 05:24

Brilliant and yes. We both knew straight away. It was a period of peaceful happiness. The peace being broken now, 35 years on, by his less than gentle snoring 😀

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