My husband cannot cope with anything

[charmama]

My husband has been in his new role 3 months, he worked really hard to obtain his lorry license and has landed a really well paid job (£15.5k more than his previous job) and I am very proud of him. Throughout his induction period he was finishing around 2/3pm and "loving his new job" (he starts at 5am every day so this is still a full days work) however since his induction period has finished and he's getting a normal workload and varying routes he has changed his attitude towards it completely. He is still finishing at a 3ish some days but other days he's getting home 5/6.30pm. He constantly rings me stressing and in a state because he feels like they are giving him too much work and he's got new deliveries that he hasn't done before and he just cannot get his head around the fact that he's not on induction anymore and he is now just getting the standard workload. He always feels like he deserves less work and cannot cope with a stressful day, for the salary he's on most would just get on with it and accept that some days will be longer than others, however he acts like the world is ending and it's really affecting us because he constantly moans about how "even drivers who have been there longer don't get as many drops as him" and that he feels hard done by. I am a nurse, working 12.5 hour shifts and we have an 11 month old baby too. He's always in a mood and can't seem to ever just get on with stuff it's like he always things everyone is out to get him and he can't cope with a single bit of stress. I try to be patient and explain that with good money comes hard work and if he gets his head down and cracks on he will finish and be home to us, I try to support him in the day but it's getting to the point where I just want to tell him to get on with it and stop being a baby!!

ANY ADVISE?! X

oh sshh with your histrionics. You are being ridiculous. That means foolish, absurd, of no relevance by the way

Well that is ridiculous too. Why do people hold up hospital doctors as some sort of bar by which the rest of us should be measured? Everyone knows that how fucked the hospital system is, certainly only nothing to aspire to.

Jesus fucking wept.

He probably wouldn't be moaning about his job if he was getting destressed by big Jim behind his artic at the service station.

EU driving hours aren't too bad, try UK driving hours.

Then I really did need big Jim.

I do pick up a lot of slack at home throughout the week however at the weekend my husband uses this time to spend quality time with our baby, he gets up in the morning with him and i stay in bed, they go out for a walk or for a swim etc and leave me to have a relaxing morning on my own which I am grateful for and really do look forward to throughout the week!

SallyGlastonbury I can assure you that my husband is not cheating at work - the concept of this is hilarious and has not made me worry (in case that was your goal, sorry to disappoint), he just about has time to eat his lunch some days let alone time to be getting ploughed behind a petrol station.

We are in the UK, and he works according to the digi tacho which means that you have no choice but to take adequate breaks etc. I think if he can stick it out for a while he may begin to find the workload easier, everything is difficult when you first start right?

Maybe I am doing too much - I am a busy person and always seem to have a full diary of things to do - but I make it this way and I know that, I like to have things done and done well, meaning the majority of the time I just crack on with stuff.

Thank you for your input everyone, reading your responses does really help me!

@mathanxiety
I've frequently driven 9-12 hour journeys on American Interstates. Not in a HGV but long haul driving is indeed tiring, and even more so with DCs in the back seats.

I have as well but driving a HGV full size moving truck plus a car carrier trailer towed behind it. Similar to the picture below except the picture is a little tiny sized moving van, the one I drove was 28ft long full size one plus the full size 14ft car carrier trailer behind it. Drove that from Ohio to Colorado. But you may not know this, the Interstates in the US have much wider lanes and are not as twisty as U.K. motorways. The slip roads on and off are longer. They also have full size hard shoulders as standard, which many U.K. motorways do not have. In addition, the drainage is better engineered so if you have rain, there’s not big puddles appearing like in the U.K.

I have also driven long distance in a car with DCs in the back…once doing Florida to Maine in a single day when our planned stop in North Carolina went tits up. Checked into the hotel and went to the room to find a cockroach sitting on the bed looking at us and another sitting in the sink. So packed the DCs back in the car and drove well into the night. This was an absolute breeze compared to driving a full size moving truck that had a 14ft car carrier being towed behind it.

Again also driven long distance in the car in the U.K., from Oxford to Stirling Scotland and again Scotland to Cornwall. The U.K. driving was much more tiring and stressful than the US driving.

Driving a car or SUV is far easier and much less stress than an HGV especially one that is also towing another vehicle behind it as well. It affects your turning, your timing, your distance needed to slow or stop, you can’t just switch lanes, you have to plot out a gradual diagonals so the trailer you’re towing doesn’t wobble…if you move to sharply of an angle or too suddenly the trailer can overturn and that then caused the lorry to flip over. You have bigger blind spots. You have to take special measures to not overheat your brakes on a downhill.

DCs in the back of a car also make it easier to drive, not harder imho as you are less likely to get road drone when there’s a person piping up now and then to have a chat with you.

The seating is also very uncomfortable in an HGV which tires you out faster. You’re being vibrated and bounced around…a car is like sitting in an easy chair and the ride is much smoother.

Sorry. I wasn’t thinking clearly it was late, I agree I was too graphic. I was trying to show that high status jobs like nurse or doctor aren’t the most stressful on the planet and lots of working class “grunt” jobs can be just as critical and stressful. At the time I felt like the “but OPs a nurse” and “lorry drivers aren’t a special breed” was a bit of classist minimising as to how tough their jobs really are.

@Successgirl2022 Slavery refers to people who were/are owned and not paid by their owners.

It's hugely offensive to compare a paid job that a person voluntarily accepted to slavery. It undermines the meaning of the term.

I prefer 12 hour shifts. I've been doing them (and even longer shifts) for 14 years. I briefly did 8 hour days this year, hated it and swapped straight back to a long shift job. I like having more days off.

I agree. A better word would be “exploitation”

@Discovereads I'd agree with that.

@Discovereads

It would be interesting to do a poll of HGV drivers on UK roads to see if they are all like the OP's husband, all suffering the same symptoms as a result of the rigours of their occupation and the crappiness of British roads. I have an idea that they're not all convinced that everyone is out to get them, feeling sorry for themselves, calling their partners to moan at them, and always in a mood.

He constantly rings me stressing and in a state because he feels like they are giving him too much work and he's got new deliveries that he hasn't done before and he just cannot get his head around the fact that he's not on induction anymore and he is now just getting the standard workload. He always feels like he deserves less work and cannot cope with a stressful day, for the salary he's on most would just get on with it and accept that some days will be longer than others, however he acts like the world is ending and it's really affecting us because he constantly moans about how "even drivers who have been there longer don't get as many drops as him" and that he feels hard done by. I am a nurse, working 12.5 hour shifts and we have an 11 month old baby too. He's always in a mood and can't seem to ever just get on with stuff it's like he always things everyone is out to get him and he can't cope with a single bit of stress.

I have an exH who was like this. His problem was that he felt his destiny lay in far loftier workplaces than the ones he was working in. He especially chafed at working in a firm owned and run by a woman.

Some real unkindness on here. I feel for both OP and her husband.

I know a couple of guys who had similar problems with work and workloads and both were eventually diagnosed with ADHD in their 40s. Just a thought.

I’m sure they aren’t all feeling the same way. Humans very rarely feel the same way about the same employer/job because we are all different. Some employees get treated unfairly compared to colleagues due to sexism, racism, xenophobia, ageism etc for one as you can see from number of tribunal cases we see yearly. Different people can tolerate different types and levels of stress. For example Ocado has its delivery drivers doing a new delivery route every day. Some drivers love it as it’s new every day and interesting- they’d find the same route stressful due to boredom. Other drivers hate a new route every day it because they’re afraid of not finding where they are delivering, or being late due to unfamiliarity with traffic patterns in that area- they’d rather have the same route. There’s no need for “all drivers” or even “most drivers” to feel the way the OPs husband does about driving a HGV every day as a job- we are all different and often it is the case you don’t know whether you will actually be a good fit for a job until after you’re actually doing it day in and day out.

If you’re a nurse working 12 hour shifts, you’re working ‘long days’ ie. Double shifts, and have more days off to compensate?

I’m like your hubby. I just can’t do the extreme work stress that others consider the norm. I’m autistic and suffer from massive sensory overload. It shouldn’t be the case that these hours are the norm and they are impossible to balance with family. No money is worth that imo.

It doesn't compensate though. You need to have personal experience to relate. Nurses have a shitty work pattern. Your nights and days are mixed in the same week. 4 nights straight is a killer if your busy. By the time you get your days off it's not always worth it.

I think if nurses could vote for a 9 till 5 or similar they would nd most would just bank and pick up weekend shifts when needed.

@Discovereads

I’m sure they aren’t all feeling the same way. Humans very rarely feel the same way about the same employer/job because we are all different...There’s no need for “all drivers” or even “most drivers” to feel the way the OPs husband does about driving a HGV every day as a job- we are all different and often it is the case you don’t know whether you will actually be a good fit for a job until after you’re actually doing it day in and day out.

So why did you detail stresses of HGV driving as if all of it affected everyone the same way?

He had an induction period. He doesn't like the full time role. This is work shyness.
He calls the OP constantly to moan, he is grumpy, and he believes everyone is out to get him. This is personal immaturity. He needs to either piss or get off the pot.

Some employees get treated unfairly compared to colleagues due to sexism, racism, xenophobia, ageism etc for one as you can see from number of tribunal cases we see yearly.

None of that applies to this man. If you're suggesting it does, you're seeing something in the OP's posts that isn't there.

😂🤣