Deciding not to date while raising a young child

[Goatbilly]

Has anyone decided (given up) on trying to date while raising a young child on their own?

I've recently dipped my toes back into OLD, and apart from the usual, expected online dating behaviour of flakiness, ghosting etc. I find the whole thing so utterly unappealing. I can barely fathom an interest to keep the chats going (again tedious, repetitive) never mind trying to 'date' some of these men and moreover to try and imagine them in my DC's life ? The thought of upheaval to my DC and getting it 'wrong' fills me with dread. I'm not looking for a father figure or anything like that, just someone for 'me'. One man even said how no man would want to be on the periphery of my DC's life if the relationship is to be serious?! I can't believe some of the entitlement around how they perceive their own 'role' in this. The one who made this claim didn't have own child/ren. It is perfectly acceptable for the man not to have a 'role' in any way, I know this but was just astounded to their arrogance.

How does anyone feel confident in dating?

I've come off OLD as I can't see the point; I'm just too protective (sensible?) in wanting to carry on the search. Does anyone feel the same and has given up effectively (until the children are older and it's less of an issue?)

I've been apart from XH for 8 years (and we were separated for most of the 18mo before that) and I have no interest in pursuing a relationship. I do miss sex, quite a lot, especially mid-cycle when my hormones go on over-drive. But I have no intention of ever introducing a stepparent to DS or forming any kind of blended family. I know that occasionally they can be great, but realistically the majority of the time, they take more from the children than they give. They are for the parent's benefit and the adaptations they require of the child just isn't fair to them. I think it's different when the child is very, very young and the step-parent has an extremely parental role. The best examples I've personally experienced of step-parent/child relationships, have all been from when the relationship began when the child was a toddler. But once the child is older I just think it's too much to insert someone else into their home life for the sake of the adult's relationships.

Aside from what I have decided is in my DS's best interest. I really don't think I want to live with another adult again. (Realistically, it's possible DS will live here for part of his early adulthood, but that's different.) I have an extremely full life, I have hobbies I love and participate in during most of my free time. Career ambitions I'm currently working towards. And I value my down time, just chilling how I choose at home. I'd quite like a FWB relationship, but only in perfect circumstances. I think it's incredibly unlikely that someone who matches what I want close to perfectly exists. They'd have to be genuinely single, someone who I share an actual friendship with and physically attractive to me. Ideally shares at least one of my hobbies, so when we meet up I don't have to skip a session. Accepts that DS will always come first. While also being happy for the sexual side of our friendship to be a semi-regular thing. And if I can't have all of that, which I don't think I can, I'm much, much happier to keep on as I am than to compromise on any level.

I’m single by choice, my boys are 4 and 16.

After I split with my ex I had quite a bit of interest from the opposite sex which was shockingly from married men, It horrified me and just made me think that the majority of men are like this unfortunately and the ones that aren’t are happily married.

I’ve invested in decent vibrators, I’ve got an amazing set of friends and fantastic supportive family. My boys adore me and I’m very happy.

My Ex after 18.5 years rushed into another relationship and moved in with another family. The two children he’s moved in with won’t speak to him yet I think he pity’s me when my life is so much better.

I would rather concentrate on myself and my boys than be in a relationship.

I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who contributed; I really appreciate all the comments, feedback, experiences! Really varied and inspiring!

@Wanderingowl i couldn’t agree more with everything you’ve said here 👏🏻