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Original poster

I'm a moron : trying again after cheating

31 replies

Pleaseaddcaffine · 26/09/2022 08:38

Just a small vent... I'm a moron.
Ex cleaned up act got a proper job, clean and regular supportive Co parenting.
Wants to get back together and I think about it. Spending time together, I'm one one for him all he wants is the family unti etc not swing anyone else. 100% committed.
Son on his computer... Messaged pop up from an app. Been out for drinks and walks with his ex. Not told me about it as he forgot. The ex whose a psycho and who he dosnt like and hasn't talked to in 6 years. I actually called him during one of these 'dates' he'd lied about where he was and what doing. I'm so done, it's sad as I genuinly bought the dream.

Im a bloody idiot but hey ho, at least I know now. Nothing wanted from. This post really but I'm too ashamed to tell anyone in real life as they think I was stupid for evening thinking of it

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 26/09/2022 08:41

You won’t be the first woman this has happened to and nor the last.

this guy is a cheating lying scumbag. I’ve no doubt that he holds you in high regards but these cheaters literally can’t help themselves

I know it hurts but thank the lords that you found out sooner rather than later

Original poster
Pleaseaddcaffine · 26/09/2022 08:44

Apparently I'm overreacting , they weren't dates and he just forgot to say anything to me as he wqs too busy.
Eye roll

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 26/09/2022 08:48

So did he cheat on you with someone else then you broke up then he went with this ex for coffee during your split?

Original poster
Pleaseaddcaffine · 26/09/2022 08:53

We split up 1 year and a bit due to him cheating and doing drugs.
Been trying to reconcile during the last month, exclusive, going out and talking about it. During this time he did the drinks/walks n lied again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pleaseaddcaffine · 26/09/2022 08:55

Also to clarify in the year apart he and I both dated other people. But nto anymore and there is no issue with that, laods of female friends and no issue with that. Same as I have male friends.
This is a brand new thing and actively hidden when trying to reconcile.

OP posts:
totallyoutnumbered · 26/09/2022 09:41

At least you know for sure now. Tell people in real life though. It's not your shame to carry. You gave him another chance in good faith

Original poster
Pleaseaddcaffine · 26/09/2022 13:54

Thanks x

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 26/09/2022 14:20

Stop being abusive towards yourself. You made a mistake. That's all. We've all made mistakes, many of us have made whopper mistakes much bigger than yours. It's ok.

totallyoutnumbered · 26/09/2022 14:23

I actually came back to say stop the negative self talk but I've been beaten to it x

MsDogLady · 26/09/2022 21:14

Secret drinks and walks with the Ex he calls psycho?

OP, you aren’t the one lacking here…he is. He still lacks honesty, integrity and fidelity. You gave him the gift of a second chance, but he blew it with more sneaky deception. Now he’s trying to manipulate you and shift the blame by accusing you of overreacting.

I’m sorry for your pain, but it’s best you found out now instead of later. Flowers

Original poster
Pleaseaddcaffine · 27/09/2022 11:04

Spoke to him swears it's innocent and he forgot to tell me as so busy and didn't think of them as an ex.. Just a person. A person who sent him revenge porn of them with other men when they split up so he blocked her. Uhuh.. Easily forgettable stuff.
It's just wierd tbh and sad.

Thanks to everyone for saying I should be kinder to myself, I agree but hard when you feel foolish x

OP posts:
totallyoutnumbered · 27/09/2022 11:09

Pleaseaddcaffine · 27/09/2022 11:04

Spoke to him swears it's innocent and he forgot to tell me as so busy and didn't think of them as an ex.. Just a person. A person who sent him revenge porn of them with other men when they split up so he blocked her. Uhuh.. Easily forgettable stuff.
It's just wierd tbh and sad.

Thanks to everyone for saying I should be kinder to myself, I agree but hard when you feel foolish x

Jesus! You're so better off out of this OP. Some people are just plain bloody mental

holidaynightmare · 27/09/2022 11:10

Pleaseaddcaffine · 26/09/2022 08:53

We split up 1 year and a bit due to him cheating and doing drugs.
Been trying to reconcile during the last month, exclusive, going out and talking about it. During this time he did the drinks/walks n lied again.

If someone was cheating on me and did drugs id never want them back again

Have some self respect and leave him for good you and your son deserve so much better than this lowlife ❤️

wellhelloitsme · 27/09/2022 11:38

He's a drug taking cheat who lies to your face.

Absolutely take any chance of a reconciliation off the table, permanently.

You need to make sure your child is put first and not go back to his dad romantically again.

Your child needs stability and security, which you can only provide if you are no longer considering getting back together with his dad.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 27/09/2022 11:43

@Pleaseaddcaffine

sorry, it's crap isn't it! He's the dick, not you!

Most of us (except the saintly few who say they'd never... but have never knowingly been in the position!!) have made stupid decisions about a bloke.

Goid news is that you're NOT daft enough to fall for his latest batch of lies!! Not convince yourself it'll all be fine.

he sees her as a 'person' and not an Ex. Like an alcoholic sees 'a beverage' not 'alcohol'. Lies lies lies he thinks your so daft you'll fall for it, he'll be doing the 'poor misunderstood me' with tears and 'if you loved me'...

you're better than falling for that crap!!

Original poster
Pleaseaddcaffine · 27/09/2022 12:15

Or like a bit of weed isn't drugs....
Yep agreed. Made me smile as an analogy though!

OP posts:
LemonDrop22 · 27/09/2022 19:40

Sounds like he was hedging his bets.

He sounds like he's always got something in the side, in the back burner, like a few eggs in a few baskets etc.

Also, forgot to tell you about meeting up with her; but actively lied by omission about what he was doing and who he was with when you happened to call him when he was with her ....... Riiiight.

LemonDrop22 · 27/09/2022 19:41

*something on the side, on the back burner

Choconut · 27/09/2022 19:45

Only seeing one moron here, and it isn't you.

LemonDrop22 · 27/09/2022 19:48

Also it's kind of hard to forget to mention you've reconnected with and been meeting up with an ex you said was a psycho, sender if revenge porn, and haven't been in contact with for years; it's not like she's even a "friend" or acquaintance he's been in touch with etc.

You don't forget to say you've decided to meet with someone like that, several times; after years of apparent no contact and bad feeling, former conflict etc.
How would that be forgotten about just cause you're busy?

Bull shit.

Would he accept that excuse if you agreed to be exclusive and try again, and he then found out you'd totally forgotten to mention you'd been out for drinks and walks with your "psycho" ex who's sent you revenge porn and who you says you hadn't seen in years?

Original poster
Pleaseaddcaffine · 28/09/2022 06:52

He forgot... Its innocent but he now says he understands how it looks but not how it looks.
Compared it to be me being friends with my ex... Yes but I've know them 20 years and ALWAYS been in contact and I rarely meet them in real life an did I do I mention it as nowt to hide.

Im flabbergasted that he says it's not a big deal and we ca n move past it as a family. Can't even blcok him due to our son and Co parenting

OP posts:
LemonDrop22 · 28/09/2022 10:43

He didn't forget.

You wouldn't forget to mention that, they haven't been friends or acquaintances. He's probably gotten back in contact with her after you broke up.

He omitted to mention it on purpose. Even when you phoned while he was spending time with her, he omitted to mention it.

Look he's a proven cheater, he was an addict and they often relapse or just find a other addiction.....you would have been taking a massive risk getting back together with him anyway.

To me, his lying by omission about meeting up with his ex (who he hasn't been in contact with all along) while you two were trying to reconcile, proves he's still got the heart and head of a cheater.

Let someone else deal with his shit behaviour.

He was never a good bet.

blockpavingismynightmare · 28/09/2022 10:45

OP

'Walks' means sex

LemonDrop22 · 28/09/2022 10:47

we ca n move past it as a family

Oh playing the family card eh.

What has he got to move past? did you cheat on him too, did you subject him to all the shit of having an addict for a partner and coparent, have you been seeing an ex you said was a psycho and you hadn't seen for 6 years (but conveniently forgot to mention it) while meeting him and saying you wanted to reconcile too?

The "we" is fake teaming ... It's not him who has to get past anything. You haven't done anything to get past. It's all you having to get past what he did before you broke up and what he's been caught at now.

LemonDrop22 · 28/09/2022 10:51

blockpavingismynightmare · 28/09/2022 10:45

OP

'Walks' means sex

He's still a cheater. Let other women who are foolish enough deal with a cheater for a partner.

At this point you're at the point of "fool me twice" ... Because of the past cheating and because his story that he's only met this "psycho" ex he hasn't seen for 6 yrs only for walks and drinks and "forgot" to mention it ..... While meeting you for talks about getting back together (and hes still trying to get back together), which amounts to a second incidence of cheating (or at the very very least being deceptive, and running you alongside a other woman).