My parents have booked their spring holiday for my due date for no3 - need practical advice and sensitive ways of talking it through.

[bobsmum]

I'm due with dc3 on 25th April. My parents will be out of the country until the 22nd April.

This was booked in the last few weeks.

I'm now worried about childcare arrangements and what do to with dh, if I go into labour while they're still away.

I'm booked into a city hospital close to my parents' home 1.5 hours away from my home.

We don't rely on my parents much for babysitting etc - compared to most grandparents I hear of they get off very lightly, but then they both still work full time so I wouldn't expect it of them tbh.

But as they knew about number 3 since last autumn, I hoped they would try to be around to help at least with ds and dd, if not to come and visit.

Last time with dd, I went to hospital at midnight but dh was sent away until I progressed further. As we live so far from the hospital, he went back to my parents 15 mins away and came back in when called.

Ds was 2 weeks early and dd was 4 days late, so I can't really predict if they'll be back in time.

My parents usually go on 5/6 holidays abroad every year. Although this holiday will fall on their wedding anniversary, they're not going away for an anniversary celebration IYSWIM - it's not a big one this year.

I can't ask them to cancel, because I'll sound really selfish and needy, but this time I do actually need them to be around.

What can I do or say? Or should I just grit my teeth and have other arrangements in place. And what can they be??

Should I've put it in AIBU?

If they both work full time then how much help can they practically give you?

They are back for your due date. Perhaps it hadn't dawned on them that you would be early?

I don't think you can really ask them not to go. They knew your due date and booked to be away.

Do you have keys to their house? Perhaps you could ask a friend to be on call around that time and when you need to go to hospital she (or he) could bring your DCs to your parents and your husband could use their house as a staging post again while you're in.

Would that make sense?

what to do with dh - not an issue - plenty of places to pace around/ have a sleep in hospital.
what did you do with dc1 when you had dc2? are there any options -friends - who usually baby sits for you.
tbh after the birth i wanted my mum when my dh went back to work after paternity leave - he can look after dc at first.
it's a bit um hurtful, but it could be fine. i do think help offers tale off with a 3rd - people expect you to cope because you've done it before - which to be fair we haven't if you see what i mean!
good luck

I know they couldn't give me help during the day - I was thinking more if I was in over night or 2 (or 5 nights if I have another section!)

No-one other than my parents have put the dcs to bed before, although they're 5 and 2 now, so I guess they would be fine with someone else - but it's such a big ask! Plus ds needs to get to school 50 mins away in the mornings.

I know IABU but it's just worrying me now that something I thought was a foregone conclusion is now up in the air again

Hospital wouldn't let dh stay last time.

They only let me stay on when I told them where I lived!

With ds, my MIL was staying with sus for the weekend - I've been very considerate and had babies at the weekend so far.

So ds stayed asleep and MIL got him up and out and drove him to my parents' house.

But now her arthritis has deteriorated that she can no longer drive and is not able to look after the dcs. She can't get herself fully dressed in the morning, so I wouldn't ask her to babysit this time.

We don't normally have anyone else to ask - all our friends have young children themselves so I wouldn't ask them tbh.

I agree with luckylady, it is quite hurtful of them to be going like that, I just wouldn't ask them not to go.

you're not being unreasonable at all, you're now in a bit of a pickle and it's not like you're getting in a strop about it.

it's weird that people would think you'd need less help by number 3 - when you've got 2 LOs that need to be minded while you're in hospital of course you'll need a hand.

do you have any aunts you could ask? or could your DCs go to stay with friends for a day or two while you're in? they might well need a return of a similar favour some time if they've got young children, so might be amenable to the inconvenience.

she's you rmother. talk to her.

I do have a lot of good friends who would love to help, the problem ( I think) would be the distance we'd be asking people to cover. I also can't really predict how long I'll need to be in hospital for.

I don't have any relatives near the city.

I would be asking someone to drive an hour or so with my dcs to my parents' house and put dcs to bed and then stay over (potentially).

Even if I could find someone to do that (and I guess that's not the hard part really), my mum would then freak if she thought a stranger was coming to stay overnight in her house while she was away on holiday. She would give me grief about needing to clean the house/get food in etc etc before she left.

Most of this is ranting, sorry, but I don't like confrontation and I'm actually quite hurt by this now. I know I"m lucky to have my parents around at all, and my mum will come and help out a bit once baby's here, but it's just cutting it so fine.

My mum had me and db by elective section, so maybe she just doesn't "get" that due dates aren't accurate? But I would have thought that ds turning up at 38 weeks, might be a clue? Argh.

Sorry, this has turned into a bit of a dear diary angsty rant. Don't really do this on MN. SOrry.

do any of your friends live near your parents? maybe someone you've known for a long time & therefore your parents know already? or even friends of theirs who could come & help you out in their house. or maybe all of you could decamp to your parents house whilst they're away. are these ridiculous suggestions...?!

Surely she wouldn't be cross about someone staying overnight in her house if they were looking after her GCs while you were in hospital giving birth

pukkapatch is right, you should talk to her. explain to her that since she'll be gone at a time when you might feasibly give birth you're trying to make contingency plans and talk through with her what you might need.

I think given you are putting yourself out (by booking into hospital near their home) it's rotten of them to have booked the holiday so close to your due late. Could you not book into a hospital near your home instead, so at least you have some certainty.

hoxton - actually moving into my parents house for the few days before they get back isn't such a bad idea .

It's only a 50 min drive to take ds to school - I've done it a couple of times. Then I would just need to find someone to come and be with the dcs, and that would rule out the whole getting there business.

I'm racking my brains for friends local to my mum and dad.

give them the option of you all moving in en masse or them cancelling the holiday .

lostinfrance - I'd love a homebirth! Dh wouldn't though and ds was a section (although dd was a VBAC) so I would be really fighting for it and I don't like to cause trouble - I'm a bit of a wuss generally. I tend to just hope things might work out in the end, without having to make any waves..

Having said that, this is no3 and so will be faster, and tbh whichever hospital I was booked into, there would still be at least an hour plus of driving. We're very rural (see profile pic). So maybe I might end up with a homebirth by "accident". M/w is only a 1/2 hour drive away - so she would get here in time?!

i'm sorry if i sounded glib - living so far from your hospital and ds's school does make life difficult. i'm afraid you'll have to ask any sahm friends to be on standby if baby comes early. your ds can miss school for a day if necessary and as you say being put to bed when they're 5 and 2 by a friend and know new baby is coming will be okish. dh could always sleep in car/find a travellodge - not ideal, but needs must.
i do know of friends who took dc to hospital with them, but obv. best to avoid it! if you are in for 5 days -dh take leave, ds have taxi to school - i don't know you're circs to know if anything is possible. as a sahm of 3 i've been happy to be on call for 2 friends who didn't have rels near by.

luckylady - not glib at all I'm appreciating being able to throw ideas around before I start talking to my mum. She's lovely, but not the best person at seeing other people's points of view - she would argue black was white rather than admit she's made a mistake about anything.

I know they won't cancel the holiday, I wouldn't expect them too - they can have a life too! But I hope she's ok about me using her house as a hotel!

I know there's only really a handful of days when there's a bit of uncertainty, but it must be my nesting instinct kicking in, just wanting all the details sorted out in advance. I especially don't want ds and dd to get mucked around - this needs to be as calm and organised as possible, so they're happy and not alarmed by anything. Ds is particularly funny about uncertainty and change (possible AS - but not diagnosed yet) - but that's another issue.

I should vent on Mn more often this is quite cathartic

could your kids not stay locally? you say you've got a lot of friends who are willing to help - but you don;t want to ask them to drive your dcs to your mums - could you not just ask them to have dcs stay overnight with them? or for them to stay at your house with dcs?

I have to say I don't think it's at all hurtful or rotten of your parents - from what you say it's not as if you had discussed this with them and had an agreement - it's just that you had thought/hoped it might work out like last time - and maybe it will, but you're right to put something in place in case it doesn;t.

"just" sounds like it's an easy thing to ask - I know it's still a big thing - I "just" meant it's not as big as asking them to drive your dcs to your mums and stay with them in a stange house

hatwoman - I hadn't thought of doing that - I think I'd just assumed that the dcs should come into town with us, but actually, it might be better if they stayed at home and dh came with me.

I guess if it came to it and I was having to stay in longer, then arrangements could be made for dh to take over.

And you're right - my parents have done this deliberately or spitefully - it's my fault for making the assumption that they would be around in the first place without actually talking it through.

If baby comes a week early, then the schools will still be off anyway, so that's one less thing to stress about

Hormones suck really...I'm usually very chilled!

haven't done this deliberately!!! Freudian slip!!

Would you consider a home birth?

Or taking Lo's with you and letting them watch thier DS/DB being born?

Just a thought and good luck x