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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

a bit of good news from old

38 replies

northernlight20 · 25/09/2022 17:54

after a long and horrid marriage, i had a lot of counselling, then met my partner on old almost 12months ago. he is shy and was very inexperienced with women and i had initial reservations. but over the last months, he has proven to be a very desent human being who is very affectionate, claires law check done on him, and no red flags at all, met all families and friends and this weekend, he proposed and we are now planning a wedding in a year's time. the point of this post is, strengthen your boundaries, know what you want and stick to it and eventually, it will pay off.

OP posts:
LadyWithLapdog · 25/09/2022 17:56

Congratulations!

Badbaddogagain · 25/09/2022 18:17

That’s really lovEly, many congratulations OP

Maytodecember · 25/09/2022 18:21

Congratulations. Wishing you both a long and happy marriage.

Ofcourseshecan · 25/09/2022 18:24

Wishing you both much happiness. It's good to hear an encouraging story.

nuttynotty · 25/09/2022 18:32

Congratulations, lovely to hear.

jackstini · 25/09/2022 18:40

Really happy for you both - nice to hear something positive today Smile

totallyoutnumbered · 25/09/2022 18:50

Wonderful 🥰

CousinKrispy · 25/09/2022 18:52

That's lovely news, OP!

zonky · 25/09/2022 19:37

You're getting married after knowing someone for 12 months only?

Automaticforthepeople · 25/09/2022 19:53

That's so lovely, 🌞 congratulations 🌹

Original poster
northernlight20 · 25/09/2022 21:26

Yes, I am marrying someone I’ve known 12months. By the time we actually get married, we would have been together for 2yrs. Yes, there are risks as with anything. But like I said, I have done a lot of work on myself and I’m no pushover. If at any point red flags appear, then I would walk away very swiftly.

OP posts:
Badbaddogagain · 26/09/2022 10:34

northernlight20 · 25/09/2022 21:26

Yes, I am marrying someone I’ve known 12months. By the time we actually get married, we would have been together for 2yrs. Yes, there are risks as with anything. But like I said, I have done a lot of work on myself and I’m no pushover. If at any point red flags appear, then I would walk away very swiftly.

What else can you do? The length of time you’ve known someone is no guarantee of anything (my experience: 5 years with XH before marriage, still didn’t work out; parents married within 12 weeks of meeting, happily together for 58 years). As you say OP, the key thing is to have your eyes open all the time, having made your wonderful leap of faith. Best of luck and love to you

Original poster
northernlight20 · 26/09/2022 13:31

Badbaddogagain · 26/09/2022 10:34

What else can you do? The length of time you’ve known someone is no guarantee of anything (my experience: 5 years with XH before marriage, still didn’t work out; parents married within 12 weeks of meeting, happily together for 58 years). As you say OP, the key thing is to have your eyes open all the time, having made your wonderful leap of faith. Best of luck and love to you

Show quote history

Thank u. Married my exh after 5yrs together too and that was a disaster.

OP posts:
MrsU2022 · 26/09/2022 14:19

How lovely, congratulations!

I met my husband OLD. We got engaged after 18 months, got married earlier this year.

Don't know why bitter people have to comment on how long you've known someone.

When you know you've met the right person, time is irrelevant!

Happy wedding planning!

zonky · 27/09/2022 04:35

MrsU2022 · 26/09/2022 14:19

How lovely, congratulations!

I met my husband OLD. We got engaged after 18 months, got married earlier this year.

Don't know why bitter people have to comment on how long you've known someone.

When you know you've met the right person, time is irrelevant!

Happy wedding planning!

It's not about being bitter, it's about not understanding how "you know". This phrase "when you know, you know" is ridiculous: didn't you know then also know at the time with all the previous partners, unless you knowingly entered relationships with doubt? Or are you now rewriting the history? And if you did know, why didn't it work out? You never really know because relationships end all the time, and there's no way to actually guarantee that any of them will last.

Simonjt · 27/09/2022 04:37

northernlight20 · 25/09/2022 21:26

Yes, I am marrying someone I’ve known 12months. By the time we actually get married, we would have been together for 2yrs. Yes, there are risks as with anything. But like I said, I have done a lot of work on myself and I’m no pushover. If at any point red flags appear, then I would walk away very swiftly.

Congratulations, we had a very similar time to marriage, we got married on our second anniversary and the venue was where we had
our first date.

MissingNashville · 27/09/2022 04:45

I don’t think it’s people being bitter, just trying to urge a bit of caution. The longer you know someone, the more likely your chance of knowing the real them, masks have more opportunity to slip with more time spent and seeing them in more situations. A lot of relationships will be good at the 1 year mark, it’s still very early days.

I hope it works out though OP, it sounds like you’re in a good place so just continue to be honest with yourself and take action if anything seems to be ‘off’.

Original poster
northernlight20 · 27/09/2022 07:22

I understand where people are coming from about being cautious. Nothing is ever guaranteed, so, while it’s working we’ll continue to have fun, be there for each other while building a future together.

OP posts:
Greenginghamdress · 27/09/2022 12:27

Congratulations, OP! 😍That sounds wonderful!

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you and how long were you married?

yogonop · 27/09/2022 12:29

Congratulations ❤

Original poster
northernlight20 · 27/09/2022 12:34

Greenginghamdress · 27/09/2022 12:27

Congratulations, OP! 😍That sounds wonderful!

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you and how long were you married?

I’m 43 and was married for 17, together for 22

OP posts:
Ineedwinenow · 27/09/2022 12:36

My husband and I got engaged after 2 months, by the time the wedding came round we had been together 2 years and now have been together 14 years! We’re still just as happy as when we first met and I have never regretted marrying him ( and I’m sure he feels the same )

we are a relationship, friendship and a partnership all rolled into one and we are equals in everything we do, good luck for the future, marrying the right man and knowing you have each other’s back and support is the start of a long and happy relationship

Staygoldponyboystaygold · 27/09/2022 12:42

Congratulations op, great to read a positive story. Wishing you both every happiness. I have a relative with a similar old story, I’m so pleased for him as well.

Honeylover333 · 29/09/2022 18:05

zonky · 27/09/2022 04:35

It's not about being bitter, it's about not understanding how "you know". This phrase "when you know, you know" is ridiculous: didn't you know then also know at the time with all the previous partners, unless you knowingly entered relationships with doubt? Or are you now rewriting the history? And if you did know, why didn't it work out? You never really know because relationships end all the time, and there's no way to actually guarantee that any of them will last.

Show quote history

Anyone can make a mistake, and good people's feelings can change. Does that mean you should never do anything in case it goes wrong?

If you've come to know someone pretty well, and seen them in their bad moments, and maybe had disagreements and made up, why not marry if you both want to? Any venture is a risk, but not a foolish one unless you've rushed in ignoring obvious red flags, or your inner voice warning you not to.

Even if it goes wrong 10 or 20 years later, does that wipe out all the good you had during that time?

I'd say sometimes you have to take the risk.

MrsU2022 · 03/10/2022 17:43

zonky · 27/09/2022 04:35

It's not about being bitter, it's about not understanding how "you know". This phrase "when you know, you know" is ridiculous: didn't you know then also know at the time with all the previous partners, unless you knowingly entered relationships with doubt? Or are you now rewriting the history? And if you did know, why didn't it work out? You never really know because relationships end all the time, and there's no way to actually guarantee that any of them will last.

Show quote history

Sorry but you do sound rather bitter. This is a positive thread and you're bringing negativity.

You may think 'when you know, you know' is ridiculous as you call it...
Who the fuck are you to say that?! Clearly you've never experienced that feeling!

Go and be negative somewhere else and let others be blissfully happy in their 'known' relationships :)