Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

OLD - not much texting between dates

33 replies

Sweethomey · 24/09/2022 20:51

I went on a first date with a man I met on one of the main dating apps. It seemed to go well, although I had more to drink that I would have liked, as I think the nerves got the better of me. It wasn’t love at first sight or anything but I’d like to see him again - and definitely without booze this time!

After the first date I told him I got home safely (he asked) and would he like to do it again. He immediately messaged back and said yes, and that he found me hilarious. Lol. All good so far but there haven’t been many messsges since then at all over the past few days. He hasn’t asked any questions so conversation doesn’t progress.

We had a very brief exchange when I took the initiative to message him last night and he replied early this morning. I asked him if he did want to meet or was he too busy (as no plans were being made). He said definitely not too busy and we should meet. He suggested a day early next week and I agreed and we rather wished each other a good weekend (he is away visiting family).

I am no spring chicken anymore but I am finding this all rather flat and disappointing. Is this how middle aged dating is now? He was rather fun messaging in the beginning. Am I expecting too much? Is this normal from men?

OP posts:
IamTheBridge · 24/09/2022 21:06

You just have to wait and see what happens on the chosen day. If he defers it then I would say I that's it I think. Some men are just like this in not texting. How long did you chat before you met?

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 24/09/2022 22:19

I’m a middle aged man, and I generally don’t like texting all that much, it feels so impersonal, if someone I was dating was sending me lots of texts and expecting instant replies I think they would be quite disappointed with me & I would probably get pretty fed up with them quite quickly as well

Original poster
Sweethomey · 24/09/2022 23:04

I’m just not sure about the level of interest here. I don’t want to be texting all day but a message here and there would be nice 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
JamesBondOO7 · 24/09/2022 23:09

We all text at different rates of speed.
Some will have their phone attached to the hip other not
What i cant stand is someone reads a text and then does not bother for hours, day or ever

Sounds as though the other party may have doubts - but you will find out on the next date - good luck

alwaysmovingforwards · 24/09/2022 23:12

Maybe he's picking up on needy vibes and backing off.

Original poster
Sweethomey · 25/09/2022 00:10

An example: on the date he told me he would be away for the weekend. Didn't ask about my weekend plans. Then earlier I asked him how it was being away and that I was planning to go out for a walk. He didn't ask me where or any details. I am sensing lack of interest...

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 25/09/2022 00:14

He is interested enough to have another date. I don't think lack of texting means anything sinister and at least you will have more to chat about as you won't have spent days texting.

Sunnytwobridges · 25/09/2022 01:00

He sounds like my ex i.e. not asking questions about me. I always asked him what he was doing on the weekend and he would tell me but never ask me. He never showed any curiousity about me at all unless it was something he was interested in. It never changed with him. I always had to tell him what I was up to or whatever because he never asked.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 25/09/2022 01:47

Maybe he’s like me. I can’t be doing with loads of text conversations as small talk. I’m busy doing stuff! He enjoyed being with you. He said that. Look forward to your next get together. I couldn’t be doing with a constant stream of crap in between. I prefer my communication to be mainly F2F.

forgotoldusername · 25/09/2022 04:30

To me, he doesn't sound very interested. OP, I'm also dating 50+ men and the interested ones text every day - one even cancelled a big work dinner to meet me despite me telling him it was completely unnecessary.

If you really like this guy, wait and see if he contacts you but in the meantime please chat and date others. Plenty nice ones on both tinder and hinge (well I was on them 9 months ago but I doubt the situation is very different now)

waterrat · 25/09/2022 05:20

My husband would just not wsnt this level of texting ..surely many people just dont want to text chat once they have a date booked in

I mean ..not to be rude but you told him you are going on a walk...thsr is just not interesting! Cant you let yourself see how the next date goes rather than stressing about texts

pleaseturnmeover · 25/09/2022 05:56

If a man is really, genuinely interested in you then you'll know about it. There wouldn't be any question in your mind.

Watchkeys · 25/09/2022 06:29

Why do you care what's 'normal'? Do you think that something normal that you don't like is something you have to put up with?

Daydreamscometrue · 25/09/2022 06:50

pleaseturnmeover · 25/09/2022 05:56

If a man is really, genuinely interested in you then you'll know about it. There wouldn't be any question in your mind.

This.

I've had countless first dates that end positively but then I'm the one texting afterwards and they're clearly not interested as we never meet again. Let him be the one to arrange a second date and if he doesn't then you have your answer. I'm not making the same mistake again.

minticecreamisjustok · 25/09/2022 08:55

It doesn't sound like he's that interested, or just wants something casual, he's responding to your messages but not taking the initiative first, not asking questions about you.
I'd let him make the next move about the second date.

hugefanofcheese · 25/09/2022 09:31

It's just gauche or impolite not to ask questions in response. He sounds a bit meh. If he suggests a time and place to meet on the designated day then give him a chance but don't do any more running.

Original poster
Sweethomey · 25/09/2022 09:35

Thanks, I agree with those saying not much interest. I’m tempted to cancel as I don’t want to waste time I don’t really have. I am looking for the real deal.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 25/09/2022 09:37

Sweethomey · 25/09/2022 09:35

Thanks, I agree with those saying not much interest. I’m tempted to cancel as I don’t want to waste time I don’t really have. I am looking for the real deal.

Sounds healthy and boundaried.

Original poster
Sweethomey · 25/09/2022 09:45

I guess the only reason I’m hesitating is because I’ve been doing online dating for two months, scrolled through thousands and thousands of likes, and spoke to a handful of men, and he’s the only one I’ve managed a date with. He’s not terrible, he didn’t blow me away. I thought why not try a second date. Even with my lack of enthusiasm, he’s not maintaining my interest. He said he doesn’t get many hits on the dating apps, so maybe he is forcing a second date too! I nearly called off our first date for similar reasons but he said he was really looking forward to meeting me. I am confused - which some would say is a sign he’s not that into me! Usually with guys it’s either there in the beginning or not, right?

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 25/09/2022 09:47

Are you new to OLD op? Best advice is not put all your eggs in one basket.
It is easy to get carried away in the early days of, but basically you could be heading for a lot of disappointment.
My gut feeling is that if he was keen you would know about it, take a step back from messaging first and see if he makes contact.
I would not throw this one back yet, just lower your expectations, don't get over invested too early and keep browsing on OLD. If he comes back to you great, if not just go 'next'. Good luck.

Watchkeys · 25/09/2022 09:48

Usually with guys it’s either there in the beginning or not, right

Some relationships are slow burners, some aren't. But if this was, or might be, you're not in the mood for it. Not being in the mood for it is enough, unless you're desperate?

A couple of months is nothing. See dating as 'The Dumping Project', until you come across someone you can't bear to let go of.

Original poster
Sweethomey · 25/09/2022 09:54

crimsonlake Not particularly new which is why I think he lacks interest. When guys are interested, there are usually more enthusiastic texts - but that was when I was much younger! We have been chatting for a while, and he can go quiet for a day or two, but he always gets back in touch. I’m confident he will and we will do in this second date, but it all feels lacklustre.

OP posts:
WatieKatie · 25/09/2022 12:07

I hate to say this but when I tried OLD I found that the vast majority of men were a complete waste of time for any woman with standards.

I lost count of the men who would text me after the first date saying how much they enjoyed it and wanted to meet again. I’d respond enthusiastically and suggest they send me some dates. No response. A week later another text would appear saying pretty much the same thing. It was bizarre but I came across this a lot.

if a guy really likes you and is worth pursuing it isn’t this complicated.

forgotoldusername · 25/09/2022 13:47

@Sweethomey don't hesitate. Chat to many and once you get the gist of things, it will all be easier. Interested men ask for a second date there and then or one hour later (at the latest). I've seen it very clearly. Seriously this is NOT the real deal. I think women do the slow burn thing but most men either really like you or not (but they are open to a shag 90% of the time)

Original poster
Sweethomey · 25/09/2022 14:12

He did suggest a second meeting within 30 mins of us being sat down. Then when I was home, I let him know as he asked, and he said he wanted to do it again. But since then there’s barely been much. Only texting to arrange second date but it’s been quite business like. That’s why I’m confused.

OP posts: