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Original poster

Lack of communication or disrespectful?

29 replies

KarinaBrandySauce123 · 24/09/2022 19:31

My boyfriend let me and my son down today. I was working yesterday and .e and my boyfriend were messaging all day, like long happy messages like saying how lucky we felt and I made it very clear how much I was looking forward to spending the day together today as I had a day off and we could spend the day together as a family (me and my son, and him and his daughter), we always love our days together. I've mentioned how much I've been looking forward to it for days actually. So I asked specifically last night for him to 'let me know when they are ready for us to come over today'. So I messaged him good morning this morning and td him.i was looking forward to seeing them later. He said the same but didn't give details as to when/what time. I thought i won't push it and just let him keep to his word and let me know/message when they were ready. He was a bit funny about me going over to see them last Saturday as well. So this was around 9am ish this morning. Maybe he wanted the morning to himself to get stuff done house work etc I don't know. It got to after lunchtime still nothing from him a d at that point I was a bit upset because the day was getting on a bit and him not messaging was kind of giving me the impression he wasnt bothered. So it got to about 2 o clock ish a d I asked whether he was having a good day, asked if everything was OK a d that I thought he was going to message me to let me know when he was ready for us to come over. He sent me a message ages after, like a hour or so saying

'aww thank you we're having a nice day, everything is fine why?? You went quiet so thought I'd leave you to it'

Like I was waiting for him to message me when he was ready like he said he would do...😦at that point I was really upset because there was no communication there I wasn't aware that I had gone quiet I was waiting for him to message when he was ready so that we cod spend the day together like I'd made clear I was looking forward to and I had told my boy we were soe ding the day with them too. I was upset because he shpd ha e asked me if I was OK which I was, and not just left it until I messaged him what was happening.

Like I honestly don't get his thinking but I really feel down about it now. I confronted him and he just said 'I love you but I'm not arguing' and I just honestly feel like saying fuck him. No explanation or sorry or anything. Am.i in the wrong here??:/

OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 24/09/2022 19:36

I think you need to improve your communication skills. A simple phone call last night to say "What time shall I come over?" would have cleared all this up.

Instead you've constantly texted shit, dropped a load of hints, not pushed it and are now feeling upset that he didn't pick up on your thought process.

Sandra1984 · 24/09/2022 19:39

"hiya, please let me know what time you guys plan to come over as I need to plan my day. Looking forward. x"

That's all it takes.

pagopago · 24/09/2022 19:42

Why not just call each other rather than texting? At least that way you've definitely communicated.

Too much scope for misunderstandings with texts, wrong tone, undelivered texts etc.

pastypirate · 24/09/2022 19:45

He's being like that on purpose and made you feel shot. I would be taking a giant step back.

Nettl · 24/09/2022 19:48

If he really wanted to see you he would have arranged a time, as you know. I would cool it a bit.

Original poster
KarinaBrandySauce123 · 24/09/2022 19:50

Maybe, i just didn't want to push it. I made it clear I was looking forward to today and for him to let me know when he was ready. He replied with 'will do' and he didn't. he never rings me. To me, him not letting me know is clear that he didn't want me to come over🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Pineappleskies · 24/09/2022 19:52

How long have you been seeing each other and apart from last weekend is this a general tendency or new?

Original poster
KarinaBrandySauce123 · 24/09/2022 19:55

Tbh he's always been wierd with communication. Like he mirrors me, instead of having his own mind. Been together just under a year

OP posts:
MyStarBoy · 24/09/2022 20:51

He’s a git.
I would be really pissed off.

But I do agree with clear concise texts as a few people up thread have said (and not millions of them), but I guess we’re all different.

Original poster
KarinaBrandySauce123 · 24/09/2022 21:00

In my heart I think I know he doesn't care for me all that much. Today for me proved it. Painfully clear to me he wasn't bothered. I'm not going to force him to spend the day with me and my son if he doesn't want to. He struggles to have his own mind sometimes though. I'm angry, upset and disappointed with him. He cannot look at his own behaviour, he's not self aware at all.

OP posts:
Bestcatmum · 24/09/2022 21:03

He doesn't sound like a keeper to me. Lack of communication kills a relationship.

LooneyToon · 24/09/2022 21:29

More to it? Baby mum has issues and so he doesnt fancy causing problems with her so didnt push it? It would definitely make me step back

yougotthelook · 24/09/2022 21:50

KarinaBrandySauce123 · 24/09/2022 21:00

In my heart I think I know he doesn't care for me all that much. Today for me proved it. Painfully clear to me he wasn't bothered. I'm not going to force him to spend the day with me and my son if he doesn't want to. He struggles to have his own mind sometimes though. I'm angry, upset and disappointed with him. He cannot look at his own behaviour, he's not self aware at all.

He's not bothered about spending the day with you.
He left you hanging ALL DAY!!?
Bin him. You deserve much better (and so does your son)
Xxx

Original poster
KarinaBrandySauce123 · 24/09/2022 22:14

I've worked so hard to keep this relationship going:(He never apologises for anything. He left me hanging all day today. I'm so fed up of his lack of communication , its not normal behaviour. When I bring anything up he shuts down. He's giving me the silent treatment now because I was upset, he wasn't willing to talk about it:( it's like my feelings are constantly being dismissed or ignored by him.

OP posts:
pastypirate · 24/09/2022 22:22

He's a shit.

And actually I've been there with men like this but no I've will ever leave my child hanging. Because just no. Please plan something lovely with your child for next weekend and ghost the nasty narcissist.

loveislouderthanwar · 24/09/2022 22:25

Maybe he just wanted some one and one time with his daughter and didn't know how to say that without upsetting you.

1dontunderstand · 24/09/2022 22:31

He sounds just like my stbxh. Really passive, never organised anything, just happy to plod along.

Mabelstearooms · 24/09/2022 22:32

Personally, if this is an isolated or rare incident, I think you're overacting. Communication works both ways though doesn't it. If you wanted to see him in the morning you should have asked him what time you were meeting or suggested a time. He's not a mind reader and, as far as I can tell, you never actually set up a time frame for your day together. Some people just need it spelling out for them. That doesn't make him a shit boyfriend and doesn't warrant you dumping him either, unless there is a massive backstory you're going to reveal. You both need to communicate effectively to make a relationship work.

Dacadactyl · 24/09/2022 22:32

Disrespectful

Foxgluv · 25/09/2022 02:05

So I asked specifically last night for him to 'let me know when they are ready for us to come over today'.
At this point he should have let you know it wasn't on the cards. Whether he wanted to meet up or not is beside the point. He's known you were expecting to meet and would be waiting. It could be disrespect or a general lack of interest. If you still want to continue to see him I would suggest holding back and leave the next arrangements to him. It also sounds like your hands are tied when addressing any hiccups with him if he's not willing to discuss it.

Original poster
KarinaBrandySauce123 · 25/09/2022 06:01

If he wanted to spend the day with his daughter I would have understood. But he's got all day today (sunday)to spend with his daughter, I'm working anyway so won't be able to see them today. He keeps going on about how much his daughter wants to spend the weekends with me and my boy as well, apparently it's all she talks about when he picks her up from school (she's 4 about to turn 5). Sonic sure she was looking forward yesterday as well so I reeallt don't know what made him act like this yesterday. His communication has been an issue in the last as well but inthought I made it pretty clear for him to let me know what time to come over. I mean it's really not that difficult. And then to blame me for 'went a quiet'. Like inthought I made it pretty clear I was looking forward to seeing them. Feel so let down and annoyed by him.

OP posts:
SpinningAlwaysSadly · 25/09/2022 06:26

Oh the game playing. Honestly, he’s transparent. He is wasting your time, playing a silly game like that because he couldn’t be arsed to work out how to communicate properly like a grownup.

I think you should detach your child and yourself from this guy. He’s not worth the headspace. Like pp says, plan some good times with your son, not Mr Broken Google Translator.

Ladybug14 · 25/09/2022 06:40

Have more respect for yourself and your son

Get rid of this useless manchild

Katerinabrandysauce123 · 25/09/2022 12:15

It does feel like he's playing a game. He's giving me the silent treatment now and will most likely blame me again. Sick of having my feelings invalidated, he cannot take responsibility for letting me down. He never apologises to me. It is an ongoing thing and it's a huge issue that I've brought up before but things haven't improved at all. Feel like this is the last straw after everything else he's put me through.least I expect is some respect for mine and my boys time and feelings.:(

MMmomDD · 25/09/2022 12:26

I think it’s a communication issue - and on BOTH sides.
He sounds a bit passive, and a bit conflict avoiding. While you sound like a combination of not bit forceful of your way, but also passive in a way.

Your relationship is still fairly new. Under a year. Do you have an established pattern of when you see each other - especially when you have your kids?
It seems your don’t yet, which is fine.
But in that case - these things need to be actually talked about.
The day before - it was YOU saying you want yo come over. Did you ever actually asked him if he wanted you to? Especially given that last week ‘he was funny about it’?

Maybe he does want to see her on his own, or had plans with her. Maybe he is uncomfortable telling you that as he worries you’ll take it negatively?

Point is - BOTH ago you avoided communicating clearly. He didn’t say he didn’t want you to come. You didn’t ask him, just said you wanted to. Then you sat around waiting and getting frustrated - instead of picking up the phone and clearing things up.

Can you not talk like adults about what works for the time you have your kids around?