Online date, would this annoy you?

[Birdyfriend]

Went on first online date in a good while yday, it went well and we spent a good few hours in each other’s company. Had drinks and then wandered for a while trying to find another place. We were probably tipsy and I noticed he had a habit of saying “careful” when we were buy traffic (he’s a lot taller and felt like a nice protective gesture!) I liked it at first but he said it a couple of times, when we were crossing roads and stuff and it did make me feel a bit infantilised?! Am I overthinking?

Yes, you’re over thinking and especially as a bit tipsy and first date. I’d put it down to tipsy and nerves

Yes over thinking
is this all you have to obsess about ?? A good sign 🤣

Overthinking!!!

Yes you are are being silly; I remember my ex telling me to walk on the other side and him walk on the side nearest to the road what a thing to be offended by 🤣

Yes overthinking!

Was there anything else that made you feel infantalised on the date that may have raised your hackles a little so that his road warnings then raised them further? Or was it purely that?

I have friends who do this and it comes from having younger siblings!

Lots of people on the thread who think they know what you 'should' feel.

If someone annoys you on the first date, don't date them again, unless you feel comfortable to tell them that their behaviour annoyed you.

Could you say to him 'I don't like it when you tell me to be careful crossing the road, it's infantilising'?

If not, don't see him again, and if so, do. It'll be a good way to see if he's the sort of person who cares about others' feelings, or if he's more interested in defending his rightness.

Sadly a lot of men do seem to think women are too weak to be able to look after themselves by the side of the road, it's amazing how we look after ourselves when there're not around.

My DP used to take my hand when we crossed the road in the alearly days. I was gobsmacked the first time. He said it really was subconscious and he just had this overwhelming urge to protect. It died down naturally over time to normal levels 🤣

I do this. Crossing the road with my friend I automatically put my hand out in front of her before we walk. I can't help it.

I do this with my sister sometimes. It goes back to when I was a much older big sister (I still am obviously…. But she can be trusted to know how to cross the road now!) It’s just a habit. I really try hard not too, maybe he was a bit nervous on the date so couldn’t help it.

He's prob got younger brothers or sisters who were always running off. Give him another chance.

Overthinking. He is showing he cares. In addition most of us have certain phrases that we tend to overuse.

So if he starts tying her shoelaces for her, you'd say the same?

Everybody has a level of what they want from others. There is no 'right' level of thinking. If something keeps coming into your head as a bother in a relationship, it's a bother to you, regardless of whether others think you're thinking too much for their standards.

We all think at the right degree for ourselves. The only person who can say you're over thinking is you, unless someone has access to the permitted and advised thinking allowances?

I think you are overthinking as PP have said, but I'd just keep an eye on it. Does he treat you as though you're childlike in other ways and at other times? Then it might be a red flag.

Why are people saying that a particular behaviour pissing someone off is 'overthinking'? This makes no sense at all. Are we just supposed to let things piss us off, and shut up about it? Try not to let things bother us? Why? Why aren't we meant to say 'I don't like it when you do this', or 'When you do this, I feel xyz'?

Is OP just supposed to carry on without issue when he's doing something that rubs her up the wrong way?

OP, I really don't get this thread. You don't have to overlook things that bother you for the sake of some 'greater good'. YOu are the greater good, and if you're not happy, it's up to you to sort the situation so that you are happy, whether that involves telling him so that he stops, or walking away from him. People seem to be telling you that your feelings on this issue don't count for anything. It's beyond me why they're doing that.

sounds like a nice protective bloke who knew you had had a few and was looking out for you!

Exactly !

What an absolute bastard!

You were likely much more “tipsy” than you thought

Does he have children? I'm wondering if he just automatically says careful when near traffic because he says it to his kids?

It doesn't matter if it wd annoy us - it matters if it annoys you. And from your post it seems he does irritate you.

If your date irritates you then don't see him again. Or see him again and tolerate that irritation because the rest is great. No-one else can say whether he's a nice bloke with an annoying habit or if he's a controlling monster. Or what should or shouldn't annoy you.

Have we lost our ability to make our own judgements without having to have them validated or categorised?

@KikoLemons

Have we lost our ability to make our own judgements without having to have them validated or categorised

Yes, most who post here don't trust their own judgments about what they themselves like/want. It's natural to want a bit of back up, but posting for the opinion of strangers about whether one 'should' be annoyed by something is a sign of a lack of self validation.