Is a kiss in the morning oo much to ask - would like opinions pre my planned attack, check, considered broaching of subject, later this evening please

[dividedselfridgesxmaswindow]

Ok, so we were woken up last night in the night because of an incident of low importance (something I can't say but that was my fault) resulting in a poor night's sleep for all.

Right, so... we are tired and for some reason dp doesn't kiss me goodbye as he leaves for work. Doesn't speak to me until I wake and say "are you going already, what time is it?"

I later pop into his place of work (next door) while the dc are eating breakfast to say hi and he fails to make eye contact. He then launches into this things about his mortgage which is all wrapped up with his divorce and stuff so he is very stressed by it. I say something which basically amounts o "i told you so" (which I blooming well did as well, but there you go...) and he says "leave me alone, I'm not in the mood" and so the day progresses with him having the complete arse all day.

I was so happy when I woke up and he made me feel miserable within about 5 mins. We have already argued about this today and he fails to agree that he is out of order and, essentially, taking his bad mood out on me. I think this is unfair and immature and he thinks I'm overreacting.

To me this is make or break stuff. I mean, what happens if something REALLY bad happens? Surely the best thing you can do in a crappy day situation is be kind to one another. I feel that when things go tits up sometimes all you have is the love between you and friends and family members.

Sooooo you don't f8ck 'em off right? No?

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He wants to forget about all of it whereas I am affronted by his cold shoulder treatment and am failing to let it lie (as is my way, unfortunately). However, he is saying that he accepts he was abrupt/wrong/unkind/rude/whatever/shut up woman but that it is just 'his way' when he is really mega stressed and that the last thing I should have done is say 'I told you so'.

I agree with the 'I told you so' thing but I don't think I have to tolerate his tantrum and I think that he ought to feel some genuine remorse about being crap towards me if this is to work long term.

He needs to grow up and try staying calm when he's having a bad time imo. Is that even possible with men?

I think he has a right to be grumpy and moody if he is stressed and didnt get much sleep.

why not put your arms round him and say sorry and see if there is anything you could do to make his day better!

Once you have said sorry, no one can get the hump with you IMHO!!

Hmmm... well, I went in to see him every time today with a smile and was about to say something nice but I just got ignored or glared at tbh.

Sorry, but if you'd kept me up all night (and not in a good way), I'd be in a nark as well. I hate not getting enough sleep.

Admittedly though, it's usually worn off my lunchtime and I'm back to my chirpy self.

Is the the same guy who left with his child the other night?

it sounds as if you are too close to him.. did you have to go to his place of work? I know if dh & I had words early in the morning (which I usually forget about by the time I have woken up properly) the last thing I would do would be to go t his workplace.

You kept him awake last night, you huffed because he didn't kiss you goodbye, you went to his place of work to say "I told you so"

Maybe leave him alone for a while?

I understand him wanting to forget about it, I would feel the same.. I wouldn't like to drag stuff up time & time again... let him get over it, then you do the same

Well let's just say it was to do with a pet he wasn't too keen on me having in the first place but whom he has totally warmed to but now decides he isn't happy about because of one night of noise

I think you're being kind of annoying to be honest

back off and let him get his equilibrium back

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He is next door, we pop in and out on each other most days, I usually go in in my pjs to get milk or bread or a coffee and a hug

But yes it is the same man, and we sorted the Saturday night issue.

He does live here - effectively.

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Sounds to me like too much too soon?

You go next door for a hug....

Yeah, that would so piss my dh off... it's kinda needy, no?

Ok, I can accept I'm being annoying but my (quite possibly warped) rule book for life says I don't have to tolerate bad tempered behaviour which goes on all day and is totally OTT in terms of the original misdemeanour. (sp? can't be very arsed to check, sorry) and then accept this as 'just somebody's way.

To me thatis like saying, "it's ok, you're having a bad day with your ex wife stuff and being woken up by my new resident, but hey! feel free to take it ALL out on me"

That's just how I see it. Am looking for alternative views, of course.

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I would be annoyed with you too though.

sorry

go with the sorry and then he cant be mad for much longer!!

Not sure what you mean pelafina? I live in the property that is attached to his business. We are dating, he lives here but has his own place too.

If I don't go in, I get a text asking WHY I haven't gone in. Can't bloody win, it seems.

I'm afraid I agree with Twiglett.

He's obviously having a bad time of it, and he's being grumpy - which we are all entitled to be from time to time. But you are asking him to be nice, when in fact he could do with you being nice to him. Which is what the give and take is about.

If DH has got the right arse and snaps at me I first ask if he's eaten yet . Then I try and say something nice or do something nice because he's feeling crap.

If I'm being grumpy he usually goes out and buys me chocolate . Or gives me a cuddle.

leave him alone fgs

your rule-book doesn't count

he is overtired and sorting out taxing matters .. he doesn't need some simpering sod going 'give us a hug' .. gawd I feel sorry for him (I might have the wrong end of the stick but just reading what you've written I can't help but empathise with your other half)

needy is the right word

Just reading a later post of yours pelafina...So, what do you doooooooo if it drives you barmy too? I MUST know!

It's probably gone on all day and been OTT because you have been annoying him (instead of placating him/giving him space).

I really dont think he's at fault.

I think you should maybe give him a bit of space. Not to be rude but if you'd kept me from sleeping I'd be in a major strop in the morning. I need my sleep. He's clearly stressed with stuff and not getting a decent night sleep wouldn't have helped matters. You walking in and saying 'I told you so' would have just rubbed him up the wrong way even more. But I think you've already recognised that.

Let him cool off about it. Popping in to see him today a number of times probably wouldn't have helped, in fact tbh, it would irritate me on a good day. Back off a wee bit, give him some time and then go and see him later with a cuddle and a cup of coffee. Appologise for whatever, and I'm sure he'll say sorry too.

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Trying not to over justify myself here. I was tired too because I did my usual routine with the dc but have spent the last 3 mornings working in his shop for him for 'nothing' because his member of staff has fallen off the roof at home and is off sick. I also spent 2 evenings this week doing his financial forms for/with him and am totally supportive of him as far as possibly can be. I got up at 6am and tried to fit in 10 minutes of training on his shop computerised till doo dah the other morning just so I could help him. I cook the dinner and then he has a bad day and I get this.

I'm going to add all this shit to my CBT mood diary this week for sure!

So, I'm wrong right? God! My mother was a cow to my Dad in that case

It's probably gone on all day and been OTT because you have been annoying him grin (instead of placating him/giving him space).

QV and mummytocharlottemay, you've both hit the nail on the head there, I guess.