Is a kiss in the morning oo much to ask - would like opinions pre my planned attack, check, considered broaching of subject, later this evening please

[dividedselfridgesxmaswindow]

Ok, so we were woken up last night in the night because of an incident of low importance (something I can't say but that was my fault) resulting in a poor night's sleep for all.

Right, so... we are tired and for some reason dp doesn't kiss me goodbye as he leaves for work. Doesn't speak to me until I wake and say "are you going already, what time is it?"

I later pop into his place of work (next door) while the dc are eating breakfast to say hi and he fails to make eye contact. He then launches into this things about his mortgage which is all wrapped up with his divorce and stuff so he is very stressed by it. I say something which basically amounts o "i told you so" (which I blooming well did as well, but there you go...) and he says "leave me alone, I'm not in the mood" and so the day progresses with him having the complete arse all day.

I was so happy when I woke up and he made me feel miserable within about 5 mins. We have already argued about this today and he fails to agree that he is out of order and, essentially, taking his bad mood out on me. I think this is unfair and immature and he thinks I'm overreacting.

To me this is make or break stuff. I mean, what happens if something REALLY bad happens? Surely the best thing you can do in a crappy day situation is be kind to one another. I feel that when things go tits up sometimes all you have is the love between you and friends and family members.

Sooooo you don't f8ck 'em off right? No?

What is it you're pissed off about exactly?

1. not getting a kiss this morning?

2)him not 'making eye contact'

3. him telling you to leave him alone as he wasn't in the mood

4. something else entirely

imo when he said "leave me alone i'm not in the mood" this is exactly what I would have done...not mithered him until we had an argument.

I mean until you had an argument... not we LOL

FF2, I think I'm naffed off about waking up happy, tired but happy to be waking up with him, only to have the grumps turned on me from the word go. Then to carry on my day as normal, trying to resolve things, failing and then deciding not to bother getting too upset, only to be glared at and ignored more. That's what I'm upset about. Which, actually, makes me begin to realise there is a theme here again. he rejection theme from the last argument and probably all the arguments that I've ever had with men.

Why do you see it as a rejection?

Do you do this everytime you have an argument?

What you have described is quite often a normal thing for people in a relationship.

Not saying your feelings aren't valid (they are) but why do you take it so personally? It was your decision to let him put you in a bad mood...

fwiw dh & I don't argue often, but when I am in a mood & I ask him to leave me alone...I usually mean it I want to be left alone

Agree with Twig and VVV

Well, I think if I didn't see it as such a rejection then I'd just pass it off as a minor issue. Man in mood = ignore. Instead, I see man in mood who does not want to be friendly with me in the normal way = panic and subliminal thoughts of not being wanted any more. VERY subconscious thoughts they are.

i know it's hard when you do a lot for someone, but sometimes they just need space and not for every little look to be super-analyzed and trawled over. just give him a break, leave him alone for a few hours and if he asks later why you didn't drop by tell him that you thought he needed to be alone.

if i'm in a mood, which i would be after a bad night, i get worse if someone's constantly harping on at me, needing affection and attention.

just cos he's in a mood, doesn't mean the world is about to end. you need to take seriously chill.

And did you say you were receiving counselling? It sounds like a good idea especially CBT as it looks at why you behave the way you do.

Message withdrawn

sometimes being kind to each other means going beyond what you should - make an extra effort when he so obviously can't. Maybe next time he'll do the same for you.

Shall we flip this dividedself.....

lay down on my couch and relax ......

When you are pissed off with someone, how do you expect them to treat you/deal with you?

I suppose sometimes I want them to buzz off til I come round. Other times I'm grateful that they are feeling forgiving enough to come see me and hence I am hugely and rapidlyapologetic.

Anyhow, he came home after a drink with his friend that went on far later than he said - ruining our planned meal together, and he finished it.

I clearly am incapable.

i'm sorry

Thanks for sympathy Warthog. I need it. He was very arrogant and I was very upset. He criticised the way I have tried to be supportive and said I only think about myself which just isn't true. Said I was naive about divorce matters and thus unhelpful.

and thanks VVQ for therapy chair session

He finished the relationship?

Sorry to hear that. Maybe you could use this time to just focus on yourself for a change?

Oh bugger divided.

Give him some space, and some time, he might come around. Divorce isnt easy - even under the most amicable circumstances.

Hey! You be queen V of good advice. Have kept myselfto myself all day and am now seeing some remorse for rather hurtful comments last night.

Will remember non klingon tips for if we sort things

Yay