Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Cheated now begging 🙏

33 replies

E4647 · 23/09/2022 11:16

Hi me and my boyfriend have been together almost 2 years, I caught him on dating apps a few months ago to which he lied and said he only used for 20 mins and last week I caught him sleeping with his work colleague on the 21 aug and last Saturday. He then came to see me Sunday and slept with me. I found out Monday morning.

he denied it, said it was only once but because I got in contact with the woman she told me a lot more and that’s how I found out it was on 2 occasions.
he keeps telling me he doesn’t have no feelings for her and it was just a jump to the side and abit of fun.
he is now saying I’m his, im the only love of his life, he loves me, he’ll marry me one day and that he is incredibly sorry and that he will win me back.

im so angry and hurt and it’s makes me even angrier because I can do nothing but accept this has happened.

OP posts:
Donotgogentle · 23/09/2022 11:17

Yes you can, you can dump him.

You deserve SO much better. Be brave.

quietnightmare · 23/09/2022 11:19

Move on now. It's hard to stay with someone who has done that and if you do in a few years or so you'll still be angry and hurt about it and break up anyway and wasted all that time

PuddlesOnFire · 23/09/2022 11:19

Erm... you can do a lot more than accept it has happened, you can and should dump his lying, cheating ass. If he is like this now, then it won't get any better, especially if you accept it by sticking with him.

Personally. I'd tell him to stop all contact with you and I'd get on a dating app myself. His loss will be someone else's gain.

Original poster
E4647 · 23/09/2022 11:22

it infuriates me that he thinks he can get me back and he is so adamant about it. I will stop all contact with him, thabkyou guys

OP posts:
quietnightmare · 23/09/2022 11:23

Be strong op. A little time and you will feel strong again that is a promise. You deserve better

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/09/2022 11:25

Why should you at all passively accept this has happened?. Would you be advising a friend to do that, no you would not. You'd be telling her to ditch the cheat and liar.

You can find a man better than he. This one you are currently with should be dumped and perhaps you need to ask yourself why you did not dump him in late August.

Aikko · 23/09/2022 11:27

Ditch him. He'll be back shagging the OW again before you know it.

Donotgogentle · 23/09/2022 11:29

E4647 · 23/09/2022 11:22

it infuriates me that he thinks he can get me back and he is so adamant about it. I will stop all contact with him, thabkyou guys

Words are cheap. He is cheap. You only need to look at his actions.

Floweryflora · 23/09/2022 11:33

Wtf you caught him cheating and shagged him the next day? That can’t be right…?

Original poster
E4647 · 23/09/2022 11:36

@Floweryflora i did not know he slept with his work colleague till after I had sex with him.

OP posts:
Floweryflora · 23/09/2022 11:43

Ah ok..bin him.

Original poster
E4647 · 23/09/2022 11:43

@Floweryflora I definitely will be!!

OP posts:
MoscowDragon8 · 23/09/2022 12:05

Hi exuse is crap in any case "just a bit of fun and once" , the number of times is irrelevant here, it's the action that counts. and the fact that he is minimising it. If he is cheating now after only a short time imagine 20 years down the line .
you don't have accept it, you deserve better than this.

Beamur · 23/09/2022 12:07

Bin him off.
You deserve better.

DawkinsOldSpot · 23/09/2022 12:13

Im afraid I would leave him. He can’t be trusted.

Do you live together? Or own a home together? Just try get a clean break from him xxx

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 23/09/2022 12:18

he is now saying I’m his, im the only love of his life, he loves me, he’ll marry me one day and that he is incredibly sorry and that he will win me back

I have to say I went a bit cold reading that; as if to him you're a possession with no will or feelings of your own. Do you get a say in if you want to be won back? as for the 'he'll marry me one day,' that sounds as if he's holding out some sort of treat to ensure your obedience.

I'm, with the people saying dump.This'll happen again and again.

Opaljewel · 23/09/2022 13:18

Please don't carry on dating this specimen.

This is only whay you know. God knows what you don't.

I would suggest you get an STI test and block this weapon.

Good luck to you op. You don't need this.

Opaljewel · 23/09/2022 13:19

What*

StopStartStop · 23/09/2022 13:20

Stay strong.
He's a bastard and you're well shot of him.

LemonDrop22 · 23/09/2022 13:30

I’m his

Sounds like he thinks he owns you.

I have a basic rule, if you're not mine: I'm not yours.

He's most definitely not yours with his dating sites and shagging another woman, and that's just what you've caught him at.

He seems to think you're his possession of your some "good' little girl who'll take what shit he gives you and hang around waiting for the doggy treat of a wedding.

A wedding to that?!

What do you think his reaction would he if you acted the way he does and told him the other men were just a step to the side, a bit of fun ... That you really love him, he's the love of your life and you're going to marry him. While you were taking some other guys dick sjhortkh before....
He'd probably try to fkg kill you. He sounds like that sort. Sure thing is he wouldn't be hanging around.

WhileAFoxIsWatching · 23/09/2022 13:41

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 23/09/2022 12:18

he is now saying I’m his, im the only love of his life, he loves me, he’ll marry me one day and that he is incredibly sorry and that he will win me back

I have to say I went a bit cold reading that; as if to him you're a possession with no will or feelings of your own. Do you get a say in if you want to be won back? as for the 'he'll marry me one day,' that sounds as if he's holding out some sort of treat to ensure your obedience.

I'm, with the people saying dump.This'll happen again and again.

Yeah he thinks that what women want to hear, regardless of the quality of the bloke. He thinks if he sticks a coin in the slot you'll fall over yourself to forgive him.

LemonDrop22 · 23/09/2022 13:44

He's not understood 2 things - if you truly love someone you don't cheat on them, end of story .... And that the other person has an equal say (!) in whether they want to be with you, whether they want to continue a relationship, whether they agree to being win back ... They are actually a real live person with their own rights.

On top of all that his behaviour and attitude make me think he'll cheat again.

You can marry someone who doesn't cheat on you, a decent guy; you don't have to accept cheating and shit behaviour as a trade off for a wedding some day.

He thinks women are soft, stupid pawns who can be manipulated by being told her loves him and he'll reward them with a wedding someday.

LemonDrop22 · 23/09/2022 13:47

I would suggest you get an STI test and block this weapon.

This too.

He's shagged that woman recently, and fl knows what else he's been up to given you caught him on dating sites .... Things like clamydia can have next to no symptoms and can affect you fertility.

LemonDrop22 · 23/09/2022 13:50

If he is cheating now after only a short time imagine 20 years down the line

Imagine being knee deep in nappies, baby laundry, night time feeds, crying, teething, virusy, colicky, snotty babies, trying to breast feed (if you choose to), recovering from possible birth injuries, not able to shag for 6 wks even if everything went perfectly with the birth, or the constant demands and tantrums of toddlers etc etc .... This guy can't even be faithful during the easy, good times.

Dery · 23/09/2022 15:07

@LemonDrop22 has nailed it. It’s only been 2 years of good times and he’s already shagging around. This isn’t a drunken indiscretion after 25 years of commitment and going through the daily grind together. What a vast sense of entitlement this guy has.

OP - glad to hear you’re ending it but you need to investigate in yourself why you ever thought you had to just suck this up. Infidelity is a recognised dealbreaker for most people.

Swipe left for the next trending thread