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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I have no right to be jealous do I? (I ended it with her)

74 replies

doorsfloors · 22/09/2022 14:31

3 years ago I was seeing a woman (same sex) and I will hold my hands up and say I messed her around,at the time I was going through some rubbish and didn't treat her great.
She would always come back and she was a decent person.
Anyway I ended it (whatever it was )and told her I had met someone and told her not to contact me again..she sent me a text saying that I didn't care who I hurt (probably right in that moment)

Fast forward 3 years I've found out shes in a relationship and has been for 1 1/2 years (the joys of Facebook )
And I feel jealous
I think I always thought she would be there and at the time I think I knew how hurt she would be knowing I had a new gf but didn't care (as I say head was a mess)

Why do I feel like this now?
I know I have no right but I got a shock when I seen
She lives with her,scrolling through fb they are on holiday in Greece,they go away every few months for weekends and I honestly think she's moved on.

OP posts:

Lotusflower16 · 22/09/2022 17:54

She has the right to move on just as like you did. She is not supposed to be there for you forever, especially after you broke her heart! You should refrain from checking her fb account and concentrate on your wife. It's pretty unfair towards her.

cookiecreammmpie · 22/09/2022 18:03

It was 3 years ago and you're married, delete her off Facebook and move on. She's not pining after you anymore and that will probably be what it is deep down that bothers you.

Everytime12 · 22/09/2022 18:06

You sound horrendous.

Mamato3boysand2dogs · 22/09/2022 18:11

Natural to feel pangs of jealousy when we see an ex with someone new. I think that is pretty standard for a lot of people.

You treated her badly. You know that so I don't know why everyone is bleating that you have no self awareness. I think you realise you were cruel to her and you hurt her.

That said, she is happy and good for her. Clearly she is a lovely person and her new partner sees and values that.

Suck it up x

bagboo · 22/09/2022 19:22

Delicious karma.

Suzi888 · 22/09/2022 19:33

doorsfloors · 22/09/2022 14:53

I'm open when I see I messed her around
I have a wife now and we have been together 2 years in December ...so it's not like I'm single and moping.
I just have a jealous feeling and don't have a clue why

Your previous gf had a lucky escape. Are you sure it’s jealousy you feel? Or is it disappointment that your ex is happy without you.

Your current wife has no idea she’s married to someone who is stalking their ex.

Perhaps you should tell your wife how you feel…

Mayorquimby2 · 22/09/2022 19:35

A manipulative person wanting praise because they're open about being a manipulative person... Anonymously to strangers on the internet, so ruddy bloody brave.

Dery · 22/09/2022 20:38

The worry here, OP, is that you haven’t really learnt your lesson. I assumed you were single when you first posted. You messed a lovely woman around and left her. She’s moved on and you’re jealous.

But it turns out that you’re married to another woman anyway. It seems like at some level you don’t feel like one person is enough for you. Are you as kind to your current wife as you should be? Or are you going to mess her around too?

lailamaria · 22/09/2022 23:52

wow could you be anymore of a narcissist, as if you're that special that the woman you abused would still be moping and waiting for you despite being married, you don't think of her as a person at all, just a prop for you to project your feelings onto

AMQ00004 · 23/09/2022 01:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Floomobal · 23/09/2022 01:13

doorsfloors · 22/09/2022 14:53

Because you’re a selfish user?

AMQ00004 · 23/09/2022 01:26

I posted this in the wrong place. I don’t really know how you use this. Sorry 😔

AtrociousCircumstance · 23/09/2022 01:39

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Sending you a massive hug

Do you mean tell your child, or your ex? About your struggles?

I don’t think you should tell either. Have you been to your GP to ask for some help? Can you afford some therapy to support you, a safe place to talk and feel heard?

Your ex is a waste of time and obviously a toxic crapbag. He has nothing for you (and I bet he’s saying nasty little undermining things to his current partner just as he did with you, regardless of how he’s portraying things). He will be flirty again in the future and you must remember it means nothing. He’s obviously wholly inadequate in terms of real care and intimacy.

Focus on self care and self love. And start your own thread in relationships (go to the main relationships bit and add thread there) so you can receive more support. Hang in there

CheekyHobson · 23/09/2022 01:46

Wow, it’s not often you get to spot a narcissist in the wild like this.

Ws2210 · 23/09/2022 01:54

I don't buy that you're a woman...the way you write (and think) just sounds... off

Need2P · 23/09/2022 02:06

Good for her. Keep away from them, let her be happy.

Original poster

doorsfloors · 23/09/2022 08:24

No the woman I'm married to we have been together 2 years in November/December
We got married a few months ago,it's not the same woman.
I think it was just a shock seeing her moved on (like I say I understand that it's been a while )
From her messages at the time it just felt like we had unfinished business.
I totally see how I treated her at the time was horrible...I messed her about
I'm not denying

OP posts:

moonriverandme · 23/09/2022 08:42

If you felt you had unfinished business with her, why did you get married? You should have resolved your feelings before entering a relationship with the unfortunate woman who is now your wife.
You moved on so why do you think she wouldn't especially because you treated her so badly. You sound very selfish & self centred. How do you think your wife would feel if she found out about your obsession with an ex, the one that got away.
Block the woman on social media & concentrate on your marriage.

OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 23/09/2022 08:48

Karma's a bitch huh?

So it's OK for you to move on but not her. You need to seriously work on yourself.

Original poster

doorsfloors · 23/09/2022 10:03

I mean I think I was harsh at the end.
I think I shouldn't of just cut her off the way I did.
I don't think it was fair and maybe my ego has taken a hit to see her with someone.
Even tho she's only been with her a year (ish )and she's not married ...I still feel a feeling of jealousy

OP posts:

Original poster

doorsfloors · 23/09/2022 10:03

Look I'm no saint and I like to think I've learnt from the way I was back then

OP posts:

Unicorn717 · 23/09/2022 10:06

Well I don't really get the point of this post. She seems happy now and with someone who actually treats her right, well done to her.

Floweryflora · 23/09/2022 10:10

doorsfloors · 23/09/2022 10:03

Look I'm no saint and I like to think I've learnt from the way I was back then

Well clearly not your poor wife. You obvs thought you were all that and this woman would always be there waiting for you and have now found out you are just a common or garden twat and she doesn’t give a shit.

PlainOldMe80 · 23/09/2022 10:40

doorsfloors · 23/09/2022 10:03

Look I'm no saint and I like to think I've learnt from the way I was back then

If you've learned from the way you was back then, you would be happy that she's happy and getting treated right. Stop looking at her social media and concentrate on your wife, don't make the same mistake twice!

Owlsinmybedroom · 23/09/2022 10:42

So you treated her like shit, got married yourself, but are disappointed she isn't still waiting around in case you decide to pick her back up again.

I suggest therapy and lots of it to understand why you treat people like crap.

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