DP is obsessed with his hobby (I know, I know). Never married, no kids (one long term relationship before me though) and his hobby is basically his whole life. He won’t use his annual leave for anything other than his hobby, or things relating to his hobby. My hobby is very similar to his (this is probably the only reason we’ve made it as long as we have!) and so I am now involved with his hobby too. This has been the only way we’ve managed to spend any time together, by me either going with him to his hobby, or going along to days out related to it. Luckily for me I’ve started to quite enjoy our occasional days out and sometimes we stay overnight.
About a month ago, DP told me he needs to go away next weekend (30th) and invited me to go along. He needs to drop something off a few hours drive from here and so he suggested we make a bit of a weekend of it (one night stay) and have a day out (hobby related!) on the Saturday. We would then drive home so he can go to his hobby on the Sunday. I agreed and was quite looking forward to it as we haven’t been anywhere for a while and I barely see him, and we’ve recently had a bit of a row about his hobby dominating our life and I thought this was a nice compromise.
Then about a week ago, he casually tells me his friend is now coming too. As in, travelling with us, spending the evening together, joining us on the day out the next day. I was very annoyed and told him so! For context, his friend helps him with his hobby, they used to be very close but at the start of this year his friend stopped coming along or messaging him at all. He hasn’t heard from him for months, and hasn’t seen him this year. Then friend got back in touch and has apparently invited himself along on our weekend. I used to quite like the friend, although over time some things happened and I found him to be a bit sarcastic, rude about DP, he changes when DP is around and is a little bit chauvinistic. DP has other friends from his hobby who I really like so I don’t think it’s just me being awkward. We fell out because he said his friend was coming now and he wasn’t going to let him down. We didn’t discuss it until a few days later, when DP asked me if I was “still going away with them”, which made me annoyed again because it felt like I was the one gatecrashing their weekend away!
Last weekend I saw his friend for the first time in months and it seems I may well be the one gatecrashing their weekend. The friend is saying that DP has basically begged him to come along (always seemed odd he invited himself as there’s
nothing in it for him at all, and no need for him to be there, DP could easily go alone but only invited me to make a day out of it). They apparently have big plans to drink on the Friday night after we arrive, and his friend plans to drink all day Saturday on the day out too. I don’t drink, so already this isn’t seeming like a fun weekend for me! DP used to be a much bigger drinker, he has a few occasionally now but I’ve never seen him even close to drunk. But he won’t need to drive for 24 hours between arriving and leaving so he may well be planning a piss up on the Friday night (friend isn’t driving at all). Later, after discussing the plans for the weekend (which now revolve completely around what the friend wants- he’s chosen where we are eating, that they are getting pissed, that we are going to bed late and not getting up early the next day, etc) the friend told me it would be better if I just didn’t come. DP said it’s up to me if I still join them. He says he won’t be drinking as much as the friend as he wouldn’t want to be hung over on the Saturday.
Am I wrong for completely dreading this weekend away now? I’m actually quite nervous of how much this guy plans to drink (there’s a slight backstory here but I’m not sure how relevant it is to this problem, I’m also aware this post is very long already- sorry!). I’m worried how much DP might drink and that I won’t like him very much drunk. I know he won’t drive drunk (he’s not an idiot and it’s a hire car and his job is as a driver so he’s screwed if he messes that up). But I’m not sure I want to be hours from home with two drunk men while completely sober. It’s nothing like the weekend I imagined.
So, should I go? Part of me thinks I’ll be happier staying home but I also feel like I’m going to spend the weekend annoyed that I should be having a nice weekend away when I’m not! What would you do?