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Original poster

Another meh OLD date

31 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 22/09/2022 06:33

Bloke I've been chatting to for a couple of weeks. Had phone calls and video calls. All going swimmingly. Got to a pub for coffee after work. About 10 minutes in he totally changed, didn't even attempt to make conversation, kept looking away. I struggled through another 30 minutes before calling it. Messaged him when home to say thanks for the coffee, hope you didn't mind me calling it but it seemed you weren't interested to which he replied "yes there was no connection"
I'm not bothered about another date - just aghast at how little effort he put in to basic courtesy. You'd chat more to a colleague who you ended up having a coffee with. It was so rude. He knew fully what I looked like, we'd spoken on the phone for 2 x 35 mins so he knows how to keep a conversation going. He was just totally rude and dismissive in person. Anyway, just wanted to have a moan!

OP posts:
Daydreamscometrue · 22/09/2022 06:38

I had exactly the same only it went on for a couple of hours whilst he sunk more beer and I made desperate attempts to keep the conversation going. We had never spoken on the phone and it was an impromptu date though.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 22/09/2022 06:56

Crazy isn't it? I'm not vain but I'm fairly attractive, able to hold a conversation, I'm popular at work as I can chat to anyone but he acted like I was a boring void he didn't want to look at!
Oh well back to the drawing board

OP posts:
Sunshineandflipflops · 22/09/2022 09:10

I had something similar a few years ago when I was OLD op. We had been chatting on line for couple of weeks, he told me how awesome he thought I was, how we had lots in common and he couldn't wait to meet me, etc.

We met for a drink and he was disinterested from the start. I kept the conversation going for a drink, asked if he fancied another and he said no thanks so we went our separate ways. I then received a message later that day to say I wasn't what he was looking for. I politely replied that the feeling was mutual.

Again, he had seen pics, etc so I don't know what the issue was but him turning up late, in jeans and flip flops was enough to put me off anyway!

I then met my dp a few weeks later and we have been together 3 years so don't loose hope!

anthurium · 22/09/2022 15:26

Sometimes seeing someone in person recalibrates everything you thought you knew about them; there's something about seeing someone in real time/in 3D that can never match phonecalls/texting/video calls.

I texted and video called someone for 4 months (he was away at sea) and when we met up, there was very little connection/chemistry (mainly on my my side); I think what had happened was that I had created a character, a fantasy figure and filled in the details with my one imagination. It is very easy to do when you start 'talking' to people online. I know have no or low expectations before I meet other than I like their photo(s) and the chat was interesting. That way I don't find myself feeling disillusioned and confused afterwards if the date doesn't go well.

JestersTear · 22/09/2022 15:53

I had a date once where the guy spent most of the date talking about his ex-wife and how she'd never wanted children but now she's pregnant with her new bloke, and did I want to have kids?
That was a quick date never to be repeated.

TulipCat · 22/09/2022 15:58

Some men seem to love the messaging/calling but can't really cope with the reality of an actual person (probably why they are single!). When I did OLD I came across several like this. Lovely online but couldn't move past that.

Musicaltheatremum · 22/09/2022 17:05

My now husband went to Argentina on a date with a woman he'd had a lot of communication with over 4 months. Got there and she wasn't interested. He was staying with her so it was a bit awkward! He did stay for the 10 days and she had him pay for all meals etc. I think they got on ok but she obviously didn't see what I saw in him when I met him.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 22/09/2022 17:07

anthurium · 22/09/2022 15:26

Sometimes seeing someone in person recalibrates everything you thought you knew about them; there's something about seeing someone in real time/in 3D that can never match phonecalls/texting/video calls.

I texted and video called someone for 4 months (he was away at sea) and when we met up, there was very little connection/chemistry (mainly on my my side); I think what had happened was that I had created a character, a fantasy figure and filled in the details with my one imagination. It is very easy to do when you start 'talking' to people online. I know have no or low expectations before I meet other than I like their photo(s) and the chat was interesting. That way I don't find myself feeling disillusioned and confused afterwards if the date doesn't go well.

Yes I have experienced this too- I was more aghast at his total lack of courtesy!

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 22/09/2022 17:21

Most people are incompatible with most people. Most people don't do things in the same way as you. And that's fine. You found him rude. That's fine. Many people are. The more it happens, the less surprised you'll be, and the better position you'll be in to date without having to have shock reactions. He's done you a favour. You are a little better experienced, now.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 22/09/2022 19:51

Watchkeys · 22/09/2022 17:21

Most people are incompatible with most people. Most people don't do things in the same way as you. And that's fine. You found him rude. That's fine. Many people are. The more it happens, the less surprised you'll be, and the better position you'll be in to date without having to have shock reactions. He's done you a favour. You are a little better experienced, now.

I've dated quite widely and had ltr too. It wasn't a shock reaction other than he was objectively rude to me in a way that was unacceptable.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 22/09/2022 20:17

Don't bother yourself, OP. There are no rules, so he didn't break any. People do what they want, it's fine. Move on if you don't like it. It's basic adulting.

IamTheBridge · 22/09/2022 20:26

You also get it the other way- they gaze at you for hours on a first meet and talk and talk then nothing!

forgotoldusername · 22/09/2022 21:00

OP, I've had around 200 dates. First one was a quick coffee date with very few exceptions. If I wasn't interested, I would drink my tea in about 10-12 minutes (sometimes less, i would have 1-2 sips) and then say "lovely to meet you, goodbye". Why would you waste 30-40 minutes of your time? If ever another date goes like that, just get up and go, you will feel empowered and also you won't have wasted your precious time

Crikeyalmighty · 22/09/2022 21:09

I must admit when I last dated 28 yearsago - I struggled to be rude to guys I didn't remotely fancy and No smartphones and stuff then- so no idea what someone looked like- it was dates from newspaper personals or dial a date type stuff!!!

It's weird though when you've had calls and zoom type chats etc- because your 'look' and voice etc wouldn't be a suprise.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 22/09/2022 21:13

Watchkeys · 22/09/2022 20:17

Don't bother yourself, OP. There are no rules, so he didn't break any. People do what they want, it's fine. Move on if you don't like it. It's basic adulting.

??? I do understand basic adulting. And he did actually behave quite badly.

OP posts:
Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 22/09/2022 21:14

IamTheBridge · 22/09/2022 20:26

You also get it the other way- they gaze at you for hours on a first meet and talk and talk then nothing!

Oh my god!! That could be even worse!😀

OP posts:
Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 22/09/2022 21:15

forgotoldusername · 22/09/2022 21:00

OP, I've had around 200 dates. First one was a quick coffee date with very few exceptions. If I wasn't interested, I would drink my tea in about 10-12 minutes (sometimes less, i would have 1-2 sips) and then say "lovely to meet you, goodbye". Why would you waste 30-40 minutes of your time? If ever another date goes like that, just get up and go, you will feel empowered and also you won't have wasted your precious time

Yes good idea, I felt quite empowered doing it when I did but I agree I can do it quicker next time!

OP posts:
Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 22/09/2022 21:16

Crikeyalmighty · 22/09/2022 21:09

I must admit when I last dated 28 yearsago - I struggled to be rude to guys I didn't remotely fancy and No smartphones and stuff then- so no idea what someone looked like- it was dates from newspaper personals or dial a date type stuff!!!

It's weird though when you've had calls and zoom type chats etc- because your 'look' and voice etc wouldn't be a suprise.

Exactly ! That's what I mean.
Honestly, he probably would have been more polite to a stranger than he was to me !

Dating is weird but we carry on😀

OP posts:
DoingJustFine · 22/09/2022 21:25

Coffee in a pub?

topbum · 22/09/2022 21:29

It's rude behaviour OP. I had a date a few years ago. He was good looking and tall and obviously didn't fancy me. He corrected something I said in a rude way and seemed pleased to get away. At least he didn't ignore me.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 22/09/2022 21:32

DoingJustFine · 22/09/2022 21:25

Coffee in a pub?

Yep pretty standard round here

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 22/09/2022 22:56

@crochetmonkey74 Well you've learnt one thing- he's a rude bugger- I think if you've had phone chats and zooms then his behaviour was plain rude. In that situation where Ionia not an 'unseen/blind' date , I personally think it's polite to at least see the date out -

CuteCillian · 22/09/2022 23:55

He was unnecessarily rude, and stated there was no connection, no wonder you are peeved. But could you have said something that made you instantly unattractive to him? Years back I met up with a, perfect on paper, guy. He made a comment about not liking dogs in eating establishments. I love dogs anywhere so I knew he wasn't for me. Couldn't be bothered to explain so I ended things pretty quickly.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 23/09/2022 07:23

CuteCillian · 22/09/2022 23:55

He was unnecessarily rude, and stated there was no connection, no wonder you are peeved. But could you have said something that made you instantly unattractive to him? Years back I met up with a, perfect on paper, guy. He made a comment about not liking dogs in eating establishments. I love dogs anywhere so I knew he wasn't for me. Couldn't be bothered to explain so I ended things pretty quickly.

I reckon this is what happened. But the only thing I can think is that he didn't like my favourite holiday destinations, also there was a nice dog in the pub and I said 'aw that's a lovely dog'
Maybe he is a holiday and dog hating maniac and I was just too much for him 😂

OP posts:
macthekwife · 23/09/2022 07:26

Sounds like a person who only wants to be polite to people he can poke. The problem is him.

If I were single I'd enjoy dating, meeting someone, getting to know them, seeing what interesting takes they had on life.

It wouldn't just be about getting a shag or a partner.