Do men think looks are really important?

[Blushingm]

I've been seeing someone about 6 months. He's witty, intelligent, very good looking, great body, excellent in bed etc etc etc

The thing is.....I'm not. I'm chubby (think size 18-20) with curves and boobs. Not great looking. Get nervous and awkward etc

I just can't help thinking he's way out of my league and he's going to up and leave at any given opportunity

How did it start - did you meet OLD or did you know each other IRL before it turned romantic?

Is he honestly that hot? You may think so but he’s probably not (in the nicest possible way!)

Anyway, it’s how someone behaves in those looks that counts!

We met via Tinder 🫣🫣🫣

I like to think any man worth having a relationship with knows that no woman is going to look like a model all of the time.

If he's intelligent, I'd take from that that you're on his level intellectually and that's probably really attractive to him. As well as the way you look.

@Newusernameaug I suppose I think he's hot because I like him? He's kind and funny and affectionate and I enjoy being around him

Nothing to be ashamed about, I met my husband on there 😁😁

This is the man that wasn't able to text you throughout the day and you were upset about it, even though he was busy with his kids and you knew that. You sound very insecure and rather hard work, honestly.

@HailAdrian he has a degree and 2 masters, so he's intelligent.....I'm just starting my masters

If he’s stuck around for six months then he’s well aware that you’re fat and presumably finds that attractive. He isn’t going to suddenly wake up one day and realise “woah! Blushingm is FAT! How did I miss that?! I’ve gotta get out of here!”

If your weight makes you feel unattractive and insecure then do something about that. But second guessing whether the person you’re dating finds you attractive or not and allowing your fears to impact on your relationship isn’t going to make either of you happy.

Sooo you're intelligent, motivated and ambitious? These are all more important than your dress size which can be changed if that's what you want. You sound like a catch tbh! 😁

@Aquamarine1029 yes, I'm very insecure. My exh was emotionally and psychologically cruel. Always put me down and told me I'd never be anything. With him 18 years so hard to breakout of that mindset

@ComtesseDeSpair you did make me giggle then!

I'm trying, I've lost about 3st since January but it's haaaaard!

From couples I have known and seen especially the ones that last , beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, so just enjoy all of it and be confident in your self .. I think more as I get older it's all about a persons vibe more then anything

I'm much bigger than you and recently have tried to embrace it and love myself for it. I've since found by being more body confident that the men that I've attracted in recent months actively prefer big girls, they are searching for a bigger body type. These men are not always what you would expect being very physically fit themselves, he may just prefer a fuller figure?

I think if you are only ‘seeing’ him after 6 months rather than the relationship being defined, this is probably causing your anxiety rather than how you look

Couples are normally fairly evenly matched. I imagine that is actually the case here but you're underestimating your own attractiveness whilst overestimating his. Do you know what his previous partners looked like?

Hi, of course looks are important. You must look fabulous. That's all that matters.

Well assuming you've had sex and he got hard he must like how you look 🙄stop putting him on a pedestal.

Do men think looks are important?
Yes, but how important and what is good looking depends on the man. To some looks are everything, they want the trophy partner to complement their shallow existence. Others value connecting, kindness, humour, interests etc. But no man would date a woman he thought was ugly for six months and plenty of men prefer bigger women. Men do have different perceptions of what is good looking. Stop worrying.

Tbh, this.

Yes, looks are important to most men. BUT, what they find attractive and what they look for in 'looks' differs. My boyfriend has the same opinion of insta perfect and women as I do - that they're just a bit boring to look at because they all look the same.

I'm a size 14 and, whilst I don't love it, I would do something about it if it really bothered me and he finds me attractive all the same.

I have a male friend who is very good looking, great body, goes to the gym, very outgoing and confident etc. His wife is a size 18/20, lacks confidence, not as 'good looking' as he is, far quieter and lacks confidence and he adores her! His attitude is, "Who wants to fuck a bicycle?" And, tbh, I've met many men who've shared similar sentiments. Their biggest issue is her lack of confidence in her appearance and the fact she shies away from things because she feels 'too big'.

Men who are confident in themselves care less about what wider society thinks of them and don't feel that the rest of the world will see the size of their girlfriend as a reflection of their worth. Which, tbh, is the reason most of them care 🤷🏻‍♀️

When I was a 10/12, I dated a man who was very obviously embarrassed to he seen with me because I wasn't slim, young or pretty enough. I've dated a few of them tbh 🙄 not intentionally, but sometimes it doesn't become apparent for a couple of months! It was all down to his own insecurities. He felt confident when he thought other men admited him for his girlfriend's looks. It won't surprise you to learn that he was single for about 6 years before I dated him and has been single ever since.

If he isn't making negative comments about your appearance, is the catch you describe him as and you've been together for 6 months, I think you can safely say he likes you...

Insta perfect men and women. That should say.

Charming. So because OP is a larger lady her fella probably isn't hot?

Some do, some don't. Same as some women do and some women don't. Men aren't some alien species. The important thing is that your partner wants to be with you, presumably for multiple reasons, so don't go and ruin it by being insecure!

This is not about him or men, this is about you and your confidence.

Either you think you look great or you think you need to improve on something but aren't doing so.

Why don't you do something about it if you think your looks are not up to scratch?

And if you think they are, which I'm sure they are, you need confidence to match that.

I'll tell you what trumps looks in terms of attraction - confidence in yourself.

If he leaves you it will be because your lack of confidence becomes unattractive. He already finds you attractive if he's had sex with you.

Cold hard facts, not sugar coated. It's what I would want.