I've been in a relationship for almost a year now, and to say the least its been slightly rocky until recently, but every argument we have had up until now was about a friend of hers, which is her gay best friend. This is a bit of a long one but I need some advice...I want to trust things have changed but I'm worried about it going back to normal...
A bit of back story when I got together with her, it took around 3 months before she mentioned the guy being her best friend or much about him, eventually she told me more about him, that they used to live together, that he was gay, how when she wasn't meeting up with me she was over at his most evenings have sleepovers, how she would shower at his every time she went, he then strangely always would after as well and they would sleep in the same bed. I wasn't exactly comfortable with it...especially when she changed from they keep apart in bed to actually he has her hand over her waist when they sleep.
Time went on and I said I felt uncomfortable with the sleeping in same bed part, regardless of who it was, gender, sexuality, I'd feel the same. It caused a massive argument as she wasn't happy about the idea of not sleeping in the same bed as him...eventually she understood it was simply me not feeling comfortable and I'd be fine if she just slept elsewhere.
At this point I was OK with the situation, happy and had no issues...that's where it went down hill...a short while after, I met him for the first time and the first meeting he came round and he sat down didn't even look at me and said to her "would you still be up for being impregnated, I want a child" I was like what the hell, it was very disrespectful, especially with me being in a relationship with her...it affects everything. She then panicked and had explain quickly that she was meant to be a surrogate, but wanted kids with me now instead. He didn't look all too happy to be fair.
Second meeting, things were going well and then he started showing sexual meme images on his phone...and things, after he left I said I wasn't exactly comfortable with it...and then my gf said its not that bad all gay guys do it, and said about him trying to show her a sex tape of himself one time...that didn't make me feel better, she said she would speak to him about me feeling uncomfortable.
Third meeting, he came round started speaking about threesomes, said all men wants them, that I'm not any different...when she said but that's not true...he said girl it is, your bf is exactly the same. She actually came and spoke to me about it...and asked me if I wanted one..I felt untrusted..that caused some issues...she said she would speak to him again...
Fourth meeting, we just came back from holiday and first thing he wanted to do was get drunk, have a sleepover and he said cuddle her and watch movies together..
I was like a bit taken back but in the end he came round for another coffee...Once again he started with sexual things, somehow spoke about the time he sucked off my gfs flatmate, while she was in the other room and could hear it...gave her all the details, then went on to say how he left her in a coffee shop once to go suck a guy in the park...
After four times and nothing changing, I was like I'm not comfortable with this sexual talking all the time...I spoke to her and she said she didn't speak to him as she didn't want to upset him and his feelings...i was like OK...what about mine? Same with the not sleeping in same bed, she didn't speak to him about it as she didn't want to upset him...there were also small things throughout this time such as he would video call a ridiculous amount of time...when we were together and would be upset if she didn't pick up...she would think she was a bad friend so would pick up...and this would be in times which we were spending together as a couple or on days out...they were pretty much texting daily with "love you", "my love", "love you more!!" His main fb page is just of him and her holding hands, if people didn't know them...you would think they were a couple
Lastly the thing which kicked off the biggest argument of all was when, my mum had just split up with her partner of 18 years, she has 3 kids and social services were involved, it could have been possibly the last time I could have seen then (luckily it hasn't been the case) and we had planned to go see them and I asked if she would come along and she said yes, we had it all planned. I was feeling terrible and worried, Saturday comes and I drop her to her nail appointment, I get a message and she says her friend is in the area and that they are going to grab a coffee...I was like its late already but OK...Next second she messages me and says she won't make it back in time now and is sorry, short while later she is having dinner at his and says that she felt bad that her friend was having issue with his mom and its terrible (he has issues every week almost with her), I was sat by myself in the car crying, wondering if I'll see my siblings or not again...it caused a big argument, probably the biggest one yet.
So we had an entire month, where she cut back from seeing the friend for a while, well didn't see him at all, still spoke but also cut back on taking his calls when he wanted, he rang 5 times 4 days in a row one week, she gave up at one point...turned off the tv, the light, left me in a pitch black room, closed the door and went to speak to him
.... after that though, she apologised realised she was wrong and then we travelled, she saw her other friends, it's been the best time of our relationship if I'm honest, we haven't argued, things are perfect. She even said it herself, this is the closest we have been. It's been about 1 month and a half, and things are literally perfect now.
My fear however is that...she of course just can't cut out her friend forever and I would never ask that, but when we have been talking about her going to see him again and things...its already changed to him saying about getting drunk and having a sleepover...is getting upset when she says she is busy (when she actually has work or something), is asking questions of why she is busy the other days, saying don't worry about spending time with your bf and is back to almost phoning every day to complain about his job, the world or his mum...and I'm worried it will go back to that again.
He has a bf of his own, in all the time, I've never been invited out as a couple, he only hasn't like the pictures of me and my gf on social media and I can tell he doesn't exactly like me, any advice at all in this situation?