He's watching gay porn

[Mybumlooksbig]

We used to have a great sex life.
Things have massively dwindled in the last 2 years.
We rarely kiss, hug or are intimate any more.
Haven't snogged in months.
Haven't had sex for about 9 months.

I know I shouldn't but I did..his phone history says he's been watching gay porn on average twice a week.

I can't tell him I snooped.
I'm desperate for affection.
No idea what to do.
Is he gay or does this just do it for him?

He is gay

He's gay or bi. And I'm sorry to say that I would advise you to have an STI test.

A close friend found her husband had been watching gay porn. She then found out he had been on gay hook up sites like Fab Guys to meet men. Some of those men were married family men too. She showed me the messages.

It might be that your partner is only watching porn. It might even be out of curiosity or because the taboo is exciting. Whatever his reason, this must come as a massive shock to you. Do you have anyone who can support you?

Gay or regular porn , he has been more interested in this than you, his partner.
But I would agree, he is likely to be gay.

Absolutely does not excuse his neglect of you though. That part just makes him a shitty partner tbh.

@Mybumlooksbig A lot of guys find that they gradually get into more 'novel' porn to get that hit. So it could just be that. Or maybe he's attracted to both men and women. People here seem to practice 'bi erasure' and not consider that 'bisexual' people exist.

As you used to have an ok sex life, it's probably not that he's gay. But sex with a real woman can be uninspiring if someone has a porn habit, because it doesn't have as much choice, variety, and novelty, so doesn't have quite the same adrenaline rush.

Hi is probably bi-curious and is exploring that side of him right now

I think you know what you need to do....you need to talk to him and tell him your feelings about the cessation in your sex life.

Obviously don't mention that you went thru his phone!#

No sex for 9 months is more than ample reason to have a serious talk - surprised you've not done so already tbh, any reason why not?

This.

It might not necessarily mean he's gay, it sounds like he's porn addicted and has escalated to looking at more and more extreme/novel porn to get off, so much so that regular sex no longer get his dopamine receptors going anymore.

Very likely gay.

You need to get STD tested. It's surprisingly easy for men to find M2M sex partners, including married men looking for sex on the side.

Probably watched too much porn, become desensitized, now needs more to get him off. Sad.

My husband used to be a porn addict. As in a legit one not the ones you read about on MN.
He is now way past that and doesn't watch porn at all.

We now also talk openly about what he watched and why. He has told me he would watch all sorts of stuff just for the thrill. Very old people (granny porn) gay porn, cams etc. it's just that after a while certain things don't hit the same and he'd digress.

So yeah whilst it's shit and a massive confidence hit/relationship concern. I thought I'd reply as a voice of reasoning behind the 'what he's watched' part of the post. Obviously, how you are feeling about porn in general and stuff is a different thing altogether.

I found out about stuff my husband had watched and kept it quiet and worried. It wasn't until everything blew up that I then confronted him. Honestly I wished I had the guts to confront him sooner. Discussing it out loud told me everything I needed to know.

Whatever happens, you'll work through it, with him or without him

Well its common for straight women to watch lesbian porn, have sexual fantasies of women and get turned on by them.

Maybe he is straight although as a straight man I couldnt wank to gay porn or naked men

@mathanxiety so if hes gay then alot of straight women who watch lesbian porn are lesbian as well right?

Because it seems to be ok for women to have sex with women, watch lesbian porn, get turned on by women etc but yet are allowed to claim that they are straight and no one questions that

But yet if a bloke even hugs his mate then hes gay lol.

Although as a straight man I couldnt watch gay porn or wank to men because I aint attracted to them. I also think all you straight women who watch lesbian porn are lesbians

@User59329 I'd argue that those women aren't straight, they just haven't woken up to their true selves. It took me ages to work out I was bisexual. I just assumed all women found other women sexually attractive.

@ZombieKettle well if hes gay/bisexual then all those so called "straight" women who watch lesbian porn and get turned on by women, have sexual fantasies of women etc are also at least bisexual/lesbian.

I think many women dont understand what straight means, Alot of women will have sex with women and watch lesbian porn but call themselfs straight because they only want romantic relationships with men.

Although as a straight man I couldnt watch gay porn and no straight man would either

Well its common for straight women to watch lesbian porn, have sexual fantasies of women and get turned on by them

They aren't straight.

Love, he is probably gay I hate to say this.. :(

To clarify though, I am A LGBTQ+ supporter! One of my sons is a part.

You need to talk to him.

Not necessarily, he could be bisexual.

Either way, you need to talk to him.

I tell you what, gay porn is a hell of a lot less disturbing than straight porn these days. Much, much less choking, non-consent, spitting etc. Mostly it's just athletic 20-something dudes gleefully shagging each other.

Watching gay porn? Snooping in his phone? Well the sex between you must suck and secondly, he's gay. Get over it and dump him.

@User59329

It's not common for straight women to be attracted to other women and to like lesbian sex.

It is a common fantasy in the sort of porn some men find appealing. Word to the wise - not all portrayals of women in porn are realistic...

And nothing is stopping a man from hugging his mate except his own insecurity. Nobody thinks that men hugging means they're gay except insecure men who are heavily invested in heterosexuality as part of their identity.

‘All you straight women’ 😂

I don’t think porn habits can determine one’s sexuality.
I mean, some asexuals watch porn, yet they don’t feel sexual attraction at all.