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Catfishing attempt?

32 replies

BisonGrassVodka · 21/09/2022 11:24

Hi all, a month ago I was contacted by a woman on a dating site and we began chatting, after a week I asked her if she would like my number, yes agreed and was began chatting on Whatsapp. She tells me she's self employed and extremely busy, so there maybe several times a day when she has to concentrate, so would be quiet for a few hours, I was OK with this and thought nothing of it.

At the beginning of the third week I asked her if she had time for a coffee or a drink, she turned me down, citing work as being very busy, I told her I understood and left it at that. 2 days later, a message came through asking if I could get her a £50 Apple voucher to top her i-Phone up, this got me thinking that something fishy was afoot, I refused and told her that as we'd not spoken on the phone or even met, I was reluctant, I got the reply of, "well I though with us getting closer you would help me, but some people are just pure greed". If she has her own business, why does she have a PAYG phone and an i-Phone at that?

There has been a few more messages every day over the last few weeks and on Sunday gone, she asked me if I would like to meet up, I agreed and said it would have to be after the Queens funeral on Monday and the majority of places might be shut anyway, so I suggested Tuesday for dinner, she was happy with that and I made a booking at a Tapas restaurant. There was a several messages yesterday and it seemed like we were both looking forward to eventually meeting up. I sent her a message to tell her I was setting off and jumped in the car for the 1 hour drive and would meet her outside the Tapas bar. I got there and waited and waited for half an hour, my suspicions were tingling, so I called her, there was no answer, so I went back to my car. I was very disappointed and rather annoyed, so set off home, I'd only got a couple of miles when I got a message, I pull over to look at it and she said she'd made a mistake with an order and had to correct it before she could come and meet me, then she asked, "would you be willing to wait 2-3 hours so I can sort everything out and get to the Tapas bar", my reply was negative and told her I was more than half way home.

I heard nothing more until this morning, when a message came through, full of apology and sadness, I've not replied yet. However, I have gone through the conversations we've had, but apart from the request for an i-Phone voucher, nothing seems out of the ordinary. She's on Facebook, I've seen her website and the work she does and everything seems in order and very consistent and her photographs/video's she has displayed leave nothing suspicious. If she is trying to catfish me, she's going to be disappointed, I don't live hand to mouth, but I have enough to allow me to live for about 2 months if all my finances suddenly stopped, so I'm not the gullible rich man she may think I am.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 21/09/2022 11:33

I think that if someone calls you greedy for not giving them money before you've even met them, you cut them off. Why are you even posting? Do you see a future with her?

PuddlesOnFire · 21/09/2022 11:34

Having been catfished badly in the past, that sounds suspicious (this person had a fake Facebook profile, with fake pictures and said they worked in a business that they didn't). I wouldn't want to be with anyone who after a couple of messages though they could ask me for money and get upset when I didn't help. FWIW, its her that is displaying the pure greed wanting £50 off you.

Life is too short and there are plenty of nice genuine and honest people out there. Find one who doesn't set off your spidey senses and who is happy to actually meet you.

Person who catfished me wasted a great deal of my time and caused me a lot of stress. There are sadly some very mentally unwell people out there. Thankfully there are also some lovely people too. I've since married one. 🙂

Pinkbonbon · 21/09/2022 11:43

Why wpuld you continue to to talk to someone who called yoi 'pure greed'. Who cares if she is a catdish? She was obviously a narcissistic using con artist by that point. I'd just be relieved your house didn't get robbed when you were put at the tapas place. Come on now op, you need to work on your self esteem and not tolerate people like her. Let alone attempt to date them.

Lurkingandlearning · 21/09/2022 11:44

Maybe not a catfish but still a person who asks someone she barely knows for money. Cut and run.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 21/09/2022 11:47

I would be tempted to fake a crisis and ask her for 50 quid....

Watchkeys · 21/09/2022 11:48

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 21/09/2022 11:47

I would be tempted to fake a crisis and ask her for 50 quid....

To what end?

Hoppinggreen · 21/09/2022 11:49

If you can’t work this out then I don’t think you should be allowed on dating sites unaccompanied

Pinkbonbon · 21/09/2022 11:51

to what end?

Presumably for the satisfaction of being able to say 'some people are just pure greed' nack to her when she says no xD

Ofcourseshecan · 21/09/2022 11:52

OP, she showed you who she was when she asked for the £50. I would have dropped her right then.

It was very kind (and much too trusting) of you to give her a second chance. So it's a good thing she let you down, or you might have got drawn in again and ended up swindled and deeply hurt.

Better luck next time.

Ofcourseshecan · 21/09/2022 12:05

Another thought. This might be a would-be professional fraudster, running several frauds at the same time. She (or he -- you haven't spoken or seen each other onscreen, have you?) isn't smart enough to avoid doing something as irritating as standing you up outside a bar after a one-hour drive. But will still try to reel you back in.

Or it could just be a hoaxer who likes playing with people's feelings and hurting them.

Either way, you're better off out of this.

Thingsdogetbetter · 21/09/2022 12:05

If you've only had contact by messaging then you have no idea if she is the woman she claims to be - the Facebook and business website could be real, but belong to the real woman whose name and pictures she is using. If you haven't facetimed you can't even be sure it's a woman you're speaking to.

Red flag 1. Saying cant be contactable by message during certain times.
Red flag 2. Asking for money and getting pissed off when you don't comply
Red flag 3. Equating closeness with you giving her money
Red flag 4. Not be available to meet for coffees despite insisting she was keen. She hasn't had time for a quick coffee for a whole month?!
Red flag 5. Arranging to meet and not turning up. If she was really going to be late she would have contacted you before the meet time, not afterwards. Not answering her phone, but sending a message asking you to wait for hours suggests that 'she' is seeing how far she can push it in getting you to comply.

Remember £50 from a poor bloke is still a win for a con artist! You may not be rich but you are being gullible.

jojogoesbust · 21/09/2022 12:06

Hoppinggreen · 21/09/2022 11:49

If you can’t work this out then I don’t think you should be allowed on dating sites unaccompanied

Yep, This.

Suzi888 · 21/09/2022 12:07

Block and delete.

JorisBonson · 21/09/2022 12:11

This is 100% a catfish. There's a guy on Tiktok who exposes catfishes and this is their exact script.

Surtsey · 21/09/2022 12:11

Her profile could be fake, in which case she might not even be a woman, or even in the same country.

Just block and move on.

WaveyHair · 21/09/2022 12:13

a message came through asking if I could get her a £50 Apple voucher to top her i-Phone up,

This should tell you everything you need to know. Never mind been stood up at the Tapas bar.

Block and run, no good will ever come of chasing this. 🚩

catandcoffee · 21/09/2022 12:39

Block her and move on. Big red flag asking for money.

Notaboutthebass · 21/09/2022 12:52

Why did you agree to meet after she asked you for a £50 voucher?

BisonGrassVodka · 21/09/2022 13:35

I've done a bit of research since my post and it turns out the person I've been dealing with has taken the identity of some one from North Bend in South West Oregon, yet claims to live only an hour from me. There are several videos on Youtube of the genuine person, but the names are different. I have sent a message to the person via Instagram and let them know.

This is 100% a catfish. There's a guy on Tiktok who exposes catfishes and this is their exact script.

As regards the Tik Tok bloke, can you let me have his details please?

OP posts:
Naunet · 21/09/2022 13:55

Absolutely sounds like a scammer, probably using the identity of someone they’ve previously scammed.

When a stranger you’ve never met asks you for money, ask yourself why you’re their best option. Haven’t they got any friends and family they could ask?

Naunet · 21/09/2022 13:57

Sorry, just got your update after I posted! Glad you’ve found out and let the woman know her identity is being used.

Ofcourseshecan · 21/09/2022 14:09

BisonGrassVodka · 21/09/2022 13:35

I've done a bit of research since my post and it turns out the person I've been dealing with has taken the identity of some one from North Bend in South West Oregon, yet claims to live only an hour from me. There are several videos on Youtube of the genuine person, but the names are different. I have sent a message to the person via Instagram and let them know.

This is 100% a catfish. There's a guy on Tiktok who exposes catfishes and this is their exact script.

As regards the Tik Tok bloke, can you let me have his details please?

Glad you've done the research, Bison! You sound kind-hearted, so that's saved you from thinking later "ah, I was a bit mean to her ..."

To let JorisBonson know you're asking her about the Tiktok guy, I think you have to put her name between asterisks, as I did there. I think this lets her know she's been mentioned in a post. So she may see this and reply.

AnneKipankitoo · 21/09/2022 14:14

Well done you . There are loads of people out there doing this . They use the identity of people from Facebook etc

JorisBonson · 21/09/2022 14:24

@BisonGrassVodka this is him - www.tiktok.com/@chadhuber?_t=8VrwhUBggCM&_r=1

Luluissleeping · 21/09/2022 14:39

Sounds similar to For Love or Money on BBC1 1030 weekdays.

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