More time spent chatting than having sex

[Whynowffs]

I didn't really know how else to phrase the title!

Just looking for some opinions as I'm very new to dating after being married for a long time.

Been talking to a man over texts with the very rare phone call for almost 4 months. We've met a few times, most of the times it's been a lovely date but with no opportunity to have sex afterwards which was fine.

We did have a weekend away a couple of months back where we had an amazing time in bed, and we've just spent the past weekend together at his place and it was fantastic.

I've suggested a walk or coming to mine in the morning as we're both free. He's replied to say how about a nice walk then we'll stop for lunch. He'll then be going to work.

I can't help feeling that he's not really interested in me sexually, it was very clear what I was offering when I said come to mine. I don't know whether to think that it's a good sign that he wants to go out together without having sex afterwards, or that he doesn't find me attractive enough to want to 😬.

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Some guys are like that I was, ie show respect to the lady and let her lead.
My wife lead as she was more experience.
From what you have posted he seems a nice bloke.

Some men like to talk more than others he may be one of them.

Ditch. Not good enough and certainly does not meet your needs ( prob in another relationship too)

I know he's concerned that he's a rebound thing for me and keeps commenting that he thinks my STBXH wants me back.

He's definitely not in another relationship.

So you've decided that he's not that into you on the basis that he has suggested a walk rather than a shag on the morning before he goes to work.

You are overthinking this one, OP.

Tricky. He clearly likes spending time with you so is interested on some level. What was the sex like? Any problems?

I wouldn't read into it, he could just be being respectful and not wanting to give you the impression that he's just after sex!

He really has a problem reaching orgasm (sorry I know this isnt the right board!).
I know he was frustrated by this at the weekend but all was good eventually.
This is another reason why I wonder if he doesn't find me that attractive. Although he apparently told my friend he was "punching above his weight".

Probably nerves and inexperience with this one.
Communication is key. If you want more sex, you're probably going to have to lead a little bit more and see what he says/does.

Perhaps he likes you as a person and wants to get to know YOU better.
Rather than just being an object for him to relieve his sexual urges on.
He might feel quite insulted if he thinks you’re only with him for the sex.
Unless you are and you’ve told him this of course.

Stop projecting please, nothing in the OP even vaguely suggested this

Should be at it like rabbits in the early stages of a new relationship! This would bother me too op. Doesn't matter whether he has low sex drive, or whether he doesn't fancy you, if he's not very interested in sex now, imagine a couple of years down the line...

More time spent chatting than having sex

How is this a problem? It’s what I would want if looking for a new long term partner. What are you looking for OP?

I think we forget too that men can also get their hearts broken and feel used for sex. If he’s focussed on getting to know you better and enjoys being with you, then he’s probably looking for something long term and serious with you.

If you don’t want that, then there are bound to be many men who just want free sex on tap without the connection.

What absolute rubbish .

How refreshing to meet a man who values your company in and out of bed . He sounds respectful and courteous.

I've suggested a walk or coming to mine in the morning as we're both free. He's replied to say how about a nice walk then we'll stop for lunch. He'll then be going to work.
maybe, just maybe, he wants to have a walk and some lunch..,

Men can't win! Usually they are co9ndemned for just wanting sex and not wanting to chat; this guy wants to get to know you and go for walks etc. and you are concluding that you might not be sexually attractive to him.

Having a problem climaxing can be a side effect of antidepressants.

If someone suggested going to theirs in the morning I wouldn’t be thinking “sex”. I’m in my 40s and can’t imagine anything worse than getting all sweaty mid morning and then having to continue my day! I really, really wasn’t like this when I was younger though so I suspect I’ve just gone off sex really but I wonder if he’s the same? Maybe he’s just not as sexual as you?

"Having a problem climaxing can be a side effect of antidepressants."

And a sign of nerves/stress. It's rarely about an "unattractive partner" otherwise he might not be able to get hard in the first place and certainly wouldn't want to continue seeing you at all if he didn't find you attractive, imho.

We did have a weekend away a couple of months back where we had an amazing time in bed, and we've just spent the past weekend together at his place and it was fantastic.

^^ what makes you think he not interested in having sex with you..
as per PP, he might not be thinking “Sex” before going to work

I have a high sex drive, if I'm not getting down and dirty with my DP at least every day or second day I see him, I'd be rethinking. Luckily he's the same 😂

I have a high sex drive, if I'm not getting down and dirty with my DP at least every day or second day I see him, I'd be rethinking. Luckily he's the same 😂

Based on this alone I wouldn't be concerned just yet..my ex was always coming up with "excuses* or picking the non-sex option whenever there was a choice. It's quite comical looking back but at the time it certainly wasn't funny. He had a truly terminal case of ED the causes of which are still unknown 🤔 but luckily I don't have to worry about that anymore! Anyway I digress.. being as you have already had sex and it was good? I personally wouldn't be worrying, perhaps just make a mental note of it and see what happens in the next few weeks/months. Good luck x

I'd be worried about this too op but I have a high sex drive.

Is it lack of opportunity though as in why can't you see him more of an evening? Can you not stay at each other's houses or are there awkward living situations involved?

I can't help feeling that he's not really interested in me sexually

Trust me, he is very interested in you sexually. And, he is interested in seeing you for other things too.

Given you have been to bed with him and it all worked out, how about mentioning to him that you are finding yourself questioning whether he really is interested in you. See how that works out. If you can discuss awkward topics, he's probably not right for you.

If this is a reverse, then fair enough you got me. I do hope that it's not a reverse and you have found a good 'un. Enjoy.

Another way to check is to see how keen he is on giving versus receiving orgasms...

Thank you for the replies.
I've only ever had one sexual partner before (my H) so I don't really have much to compare to!!
He makes sure that I'm taken care of (so to speak) and really enjoys that despite him not climaxing himself. Cuddles afterwards, really sweet.
I would say my sex drive is probably low but I can't get enough of him....being in a long, sexless marriage is probably the cause!