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More time spent chatting than having sex

50 replies

Whynowffs · 20/09/2022 16:44

I didn't really know how else to phrase the title!

Just looking for some opinions as I'm very new to dating after being married for a long time.

Been talking to a man over texts with the very rare phone call for almost 4 months. We've met a few times, most of the times it's been a lovely date but with no opportunity to have sex afterwards which was fine.

We did have a weekend away a couple of months back where we had an amazing time in bed, and we've just spent the past weekend together at his place and it was fantastic.

I've suggested a walk or coming to mine in the morning as we're both free. He's replied to say how about a nice walk then we'll stop for lunch. He'll then be going to work.

I can't help feeling that he's not really interested in me sexually, it was very clear what I was offering when I said come to mine. I don't know whether to think that it's a good sign that he wants to go out together without having sex afterwards, or that he doesn't find me attractive enough to want to 😬.


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OP posts:
Backtonormalnow · 20/09/2022 18:29

I know what you mean. I think he could do sex and a walk.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 20/09/2022 18:35

Whynowffs · 20/09/2022 18:26

Thank you for the replies.
I've only ever had one sexual partner before (my H) so I don't really have much to compare to!!
He makes sure that I'm taken care of (so to speak) and really enjoys that despite him not climaxing himself. Cuddles afterwards, really sweet.
I would say my sex drive is probably low but I can't get enough of him....being in a long, sexless marriage is probably the cause!

could your sex drive be in “overdrive” right now, with his in “regular drive “, 🤷🏼‍♂️

im sure if you mentioned this he would more than willing to err,, step it up a bit..

Losinghope9 · 20/09/2022 18:39

Me and my partner didn't have sex for months, we just got to know each other and were both a bit awkward.

If you're worried, you could possibly talk to him about it?

Whynowffs · 20/09/2022 18:59

I told him that I can't stop thinking about how good it was at the weekend, he asked what in particular so I told him! But he's still planning the walk....
I've gone from doing anything I could to avoid sex with my H to now finding I'm not getting enough!

OP posts:
Noteverybodylives · 20/09/2022 19:08

I've suggested a walk or coming to mine in the morning as we're both free.

I would not have understood that you wanted sex by asking him if he wanted to go for a walk or come yours.

I would take things steady as he seems a really nice guy and you don’t want to scare him off!

Let him show you that he’s not just after sex and do the walk and lunch.

Next time be more to the point - would you like to come to mine and I’ll make you breakfast and maybe more 😉 - don’t give him a different option as he may think you’d prefer that option.

Riapia · 20/09/2022 19:21

Never trust a man who says he would prefer walking to shagging.

mscampbell · 20/09/2022 21:30

Riapia · 20/09/2022 19:21

Never trust a man who says he would prefer walking to shagging.

😂

mscampbell · 20/09/2022 21:30

(Although I think you have a point!)

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 20/09/2022 21:55

Backtonormalnow · 20/09/2022 18:29

I know what you mean. I think he could do sex and a walk.

maybe not both at the same time.?

MsBombastic555 · 20/09/2022 22:03

Riapia · 20/09/2022 19:21

Never trust a man who says he would prefer walking to shagging.

😂 this.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 21/09/2022 14:32

Whynowffs

you need to talk honestly
say you want more sex and ask how he feels about that
I have friends , and If I’m seeing someone like you I want the physical

he might have nerves and insecurity
but then you can work that gently in the bedroom

but you need to talk basically and be honest and listen to his answers

Sunnytwobridges · 21/09/2022 14:43

Noteverybodylives · 20/09/2022 19:08

I've suggested a walk or coming to mine in the morning as we're both free.

I would not have understood that you wanted sex by asking him if he wanted to go for a walk or come yours.

I would take things steady as he seems a really nice guy and you don’t want to scare him off!

Let him show you that he’s not just after sex and do the walk and lunch.

Next time be more to the point - would you like to come to mine and I’ll make you breakfast and maybe more 😉 - don’t give him a different option as he may think you’d prefer that option.

This. I wouldn't have thought you wanted sex either. Especially as someone with a low sex drive. I think you're over thinking it, and just go with the flow. His drive might be average, but may seem low since yours is in overdrive right now. And it took me a while but I have come across some men that aren't that sexually motivated or have high drives. Which suits me fine, but may not suit others.

OldFan · 21/09/2022 14:49

I would prefer this. I had a lover who literally as soon as we met for a 'date' and I got in the car, would be verbally pushing for 'out there' sexual things.

Much rather have a conversation for a while sometimes.

user1471457751 · 21/09/2022 15:03

You were the one who suggested a walk. Perhaps try being honest about what you actually want instead of complaining that he's taken you up on what you said you wanted.

Whynowffs · 21/09/2022 18:58

Thanks all. I think going forward I'll just need to be more open and honest about what I expect/want.
We had a walk and lunch and it was actually really nice 😊

OP posts:
IamTheBridge · 21/09/2022 19:02

How many times have you met in 4 months?

Talkingmouse · 21/09/2022 20:42

Best time suggest sex during the walk 😉. Good luck

MrAgonyAunt · 21/09/2022 20:43

You can have too much of the good thing EG I'm constantly banging on about sex to my wife ticks her off.
Getting a good balance is between many couples.
Often men are more randy than women but I've only had the one lady my wife but seen and heard enough about it.

william1200a · 21/09/2022 20:48

Improve Your Relationship - Rekindle the Romance

DISCLAIMER: This ebook has been written for information purposes only.
Every effort has been made to make this ebook as complete and accurate as
possible. However, there may be mistakes in typography or content. Also,
this e-book provides information only up to the publishing date. Therefore,
this ebook should be used as a guide - not as the ultimate source.

The purpose of this ebook is to educate. The author and the publisher do not
warrant that the information contained in this ebook is fully complete and
shall not be responsible for any errors or omissions. The author and
publisher shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity
with respect to any loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly

william1200a · 21/09/2022 20:54

Improve Your Relationship - Rekindle the Romance

DISCLAIMER: This ebook has been written for information purposes only.
Every effort has been made to make this ebook as complete and accurate as
possible. However, there may be mistakes in typography or content. Also,
this e-book provides information only up to the publishing date. Therefore,
this ebook should be used as a guide - not as the ultimate source.

The purpose of this ebook is to educate. The author and the publisher do not
warrant that the information contained in this ebook is fully complete and
shall not be responsible for any errors or omissions. The author and
publisher shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity
with respect to any loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 21/09/2022 21:58

Whynowffs · 21/09/2022 18:58

Thanks all. I think going forward I'll just need to be more open and honest about what I expect/want.
We had a walk and lunch and it was actually really nice 😊

Sounds great 👍🏼

Peppaspetfish · 22/09/2022 08:43

For me, the thing that stood put was that he keeps commenting that he thinks your stbx wants you back? That seemed a bit weird that it should come up often?

Bookworm20 · 22/09/2022 12:13

Perhaps he finds you very attractive (the punching above comment) and is a little nervous and worried you don't think the same about him. Could account for the difficulty at the weekend he experienced. Likely nervousness.
Perhaps he wants to build something with you and not have it all based on sex, as he sees something special between you.
Perhaps that is important to him. He obviously loves spending time with you. And that to him, includes getting to know you as a person and not just be someone to hop into bed with when he gets a spare couple of hours.

Andypandy799 · 22/09/2022 14:32

He does sound caring, your just super horny all the time due to exh and your past. Like other say be grateful he doesn’t just want a fuck buddy

Whynowffs · 23/09/2022 11:01

Peppaspetfish · 22/09/2022 08:43

For me, the thing that stood put was that he keeps commenting that he thinks your stbx wants you back? That seemed a bit weird that it should come up often?

He asked me an awful lot initially if I'd be getting back with him and he told me he wouldn't stand in the way of two parents getting back together if there was a chance it could work. But as time has gone on he knows I won't go back, but does keep saying that it's obvious my ex wants me back. I think he does so he's not wrong but it's not happening.

Thanks for the replies...we haven't set another date as yet and it won't be for a couple of weeks if not longer, so I'll see what he suggests!

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