If you have a study/office at home does your OH knock before coming in?

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DH and I each have an office/study at home. Been like that for many years as both had periods of working from home etc. His used to be a shed in the garden, but he's now sort of retired, so has moved it into our 5th bedroom/ box room.

I value my privacy. I like somewhere I can escape/ read/ do my admin/ study (doing an OU course for fun) / catch up on MN. We still have one adult child at home (also working from home) so this is my only haven away from the noise and mess as DH and DS seem to have filled every other room with TV and Tech .

If DH decides he wants to ask me something he just barges in! Sort of knocks/ opens the door/starts talking at the same time. It really pisses me off!
I've asked him to knock first and he either says he does (he doesn't!) or says "what are you doing that you don't want me to see?"

Since he retired he's around more and doing it more often!
What should I do - lock the door? Put up a Do Not Disturb sign?

Wire the door handle up to a battery?

My partner and I both work from home part of the week. We have our own seperate offices, working for different companies. Neither of us knock to enter the other's office and neither of us have ever asked the other one to knock.

We do however "read the room" (in case the one working is in the middle of a calculation or mid flow in an email) and we say hello before launching straight into whatever we wanted to say / ask, rather than the walking in already talking at the other one that your husband does.

Yeah, it's definitely the 'whatever I want to talk to you is more important than whatever you're doing' attitude that annoys me!

Balance a bucket of water above the door? 🙃

perhaps a small wooden wedge under the door if he is unable to understand linguistic communication? or 2" away from the door if that works better?

We both work from home in separate rooms.
If the door is closed it means we are on a call so do not disturb. If the door is closed but there is no noise from the other side we knock and wait

If I close the door, it means: do not disturb. If I leave it ajar, it means you can come in but still be mindful I may be in the middle of an email/report whatever so don't interrupt me mid sentence and wait for me to initiate the discussion. it's an unwritten rule. We just naturally do this and works for us.

We never knock in our house even when the other is working, we have desks arranged so the camera is not towards the door and would crack the door and see what was going on before aunching into something. If we have a do not disturb situation we stick up a sign. So the default is you can go in, with specific indications you can't.

I would not like to feel I had to knock to speak to my DH, I do accept that everyone is different but it is quite a formal arrangement to have. I feel you are being quite cold/unwelcoming. He should not immediately start talking though. I wonder if you have very high boundaries because he is not observing the normal ones most people would expect - which is enter, wait for you to engage, then start talking.

But knocking? That is for the headteacher's office!

I don’t usually shut the door to mine completely. He hovers in the doorway and says ‘er’ or something similar to alert me he’s there until I look up.

Seriously, I can see both sides of this. How often are you shutting yourself away from the family? If it’s a lot, that could be quite hurtful. If it’s not all the time, and is genuinely about having a bit of peace and quiet rather than avoiding your family, then it’s not unreasonable to insist on being left alone.

If he’s just retired, that’s going to take a period of adjustment for both of you.

I have a lock when I'm in meetings. Not for DH, who would crack the door and check quietly before entering, but for DD(3) because I work afternoons/evenings and am working when she is in the house. I don't mind her wandering in usually but door gets locked for meetings! Get a lock?!

I wouldn't expect him to knock and he wouldn't expect me to knock.
If the doors closed I won't disturb him, nor will I if I hear him on a call.

We have the same rule for our home offices as we do for our in-the-office offices: if the door is open then it’s fine to start a conversation and / or wander on in. If the door is closed then we knock and no reply means it’s not appropriate to come in.

Ask him what he’d do if one of his colleagues or his CEO had their office door closed. If he acknowledges that he wouldn’t just barge on in and start yapping at them then he knows full well he’s in the wrong and simply doesn’t take your privacy or work seriously.

We have separate offices. If the door is shut then it means not to enter.

I don't consider myself to be 'shutting myself away from the family' at all!
This is mostly daytime when I have stuff to do which needs peace and quiet and concentration time.
You're right, some of it is a readjustment of him being at home/ in the house all the time. It's almost as if he hasn't realised that my life hasn't changed like his - I was busy before, and I'm busy now, and I just don't want the constant interruptions.

I just asked him if perhaps he could save up all his questions for later and he said "Oh, but I won't remember them..." OK, so he clearly thinks it's absolutely fine to keep interrupting me for mindless questions...

We don’t knock.

We have a sign we put on the closed door with blu tack “meeting in progress” when we don’t want to be disturbed.

Other than that we just quietly open the door and stick our heads in to see if the other is on the phone…if they are it’s hand signals ie “find me when you’re done” or we say “got a minute?” if the other is not on the phone and go from there.

I just asked him if perhaps he could save up all his questions for later and he said "Oh, but I won't remember them..." OK, so he clearly thinks it's absolutely fine to keep interrupting me for mindless questions...

Give him a little note pad to jot them down. I know he could use his phone, but sometimes a physical piece of paper and pen acts as a reminder to jot questions down more than a phone would. Or tell him to just text you the question and you’ll check your phone and answer back in chunks when you come up for air.

I leave the door open most of the time. If it was shut he would know I’m on a call or don’t want to be disturbed.

Mine is normally pushed too (I'm pretty much in meetings back to back all day), but if its closed he knows to knock or not come in. If its open but he can hear me on a call he will make a noise so I know he's there but knows that if I ignore him entirely he has to leave me to it. He often brings me drinks etc and I don't even noticed he's been in.

He isn't retired but has odd shifts so is home all the time!

I don't knock to go into talk to DP and he doesn't knock to talk to me. However, we don't normally interrupt each other. I've probably interrupted him twice in 6 months (internet not working) he's probably been to see me about the same number of times (I think one was did you order this because someone has brought it to the door). I'd be raging if he just walked in and started talking for no real reason!

We have a joint office, but it is very rare that we both need to use it at the same time. If either of us are in and the door is open it signals we are available, but we each still wait for the person working to look up and acknowledge the person entering as the signal they are ready to talk.

If the door is closed it does usually mean we are either on a private call, or simply don't want to be distracted or disturbed (I hate being distracted when I am doing tax returns or financial things like that for example).

If the door is closed (and we really needed to ask something/get something) we both would either knock quietly and listen for a reply to indicate we can go in, or more usually open the door and peek in quietly to see what the situation is. But we certainly wouldn't barge in and immediately start talking.

We never actually talked it over, but I guess we both are just naturally respectful of each other.

The only exception would be in the case of a real emergency of course then it would be fine to charge in and immediately start explaining what it was.

OP I think your DH needs to understand that you need your space, and that he is being unreasonable by assuming that what he wants from you right at that moment (answers/advice etc) automatically trumps anything you might be doing or concentrating on.

Also was a bit concerned to hear his assumption you are doing things you don't want him to see. Is he a little insecure for some reason?

Is there a way to sit him down calmly and explain it to him without him getting defensive and accusing you of hiding things from him?

You could also, during that conversation explain to him that if he cannot 'remember' to respect you and to stop barging in and launching into whatever conversation he wants to have, you can help with that by putting a lock on the door. Although to be fair I think it would be a real shame if you have to resort to that in order to get him to respect your need for your own space and peace.

Door closed - don't come in on pain of death
Door open - please do come in

DH will whats app me if the door is closed and he needs to speak urgently

If my office door is closed I can’t be disturbed, if it’s open anyone can walk in and will usually wait til I look up before starting a conversation. It’s common courtesy not to constantly interrupt someone when they’re working.

We knock, have both worked from home for years and if there's no answer you know they're probably on a meeting.

Also we WhatsApp each other questions in the day of stuff that we would otherwise forget.

If my door is shut then yes, he does knock and wait until I answer

Thanks for the replies. Yes, I think we obviously have different views of what's reasonable and respectful.

I don't want to leave my door open because DH tends to have music or the TV on in his office across the landing and it disturbs me (something else I'm having to get used to!)

I think all this just confirms to me that he doesn't really know what I spend my time doing and doesn't regard me as 'working' as such. And now he's retired he seems to think I should just be available whenever he wants something!
Today he barged in at 11.30 and said "I thought we could try that new pub at XYZ for lunch..." then was non-plussed when I said I had a call with a charity I volunteer with at 1pm.

I think we will need to have a 'chat' before too long about different expectations of 'retired life' for him and me!