If you have a study/office at home does your OH knock before coming in?

[Whippet]

DH and I each have an office/study at home. Been like that for many years as both had periods of working from home etc. His used to be a shed in the garden, but he's now sort of retired, so has moved it into our 5th bedroom/ box room.

I value my privacy. I like somewhere I can escape/ read/ do my admin/ study (doing an OU course for fun) / catch up on MN. We still have one adult child at home (also working from home) so this is my only haven away from the noise and mess as DH and DS seem to have filled every other room with TV and Tech .

If DH decides he wants to ask me something he just barges in! Sort of knocks/ opens the door/starts talking at the same time. It really pisses me off!
I've asked him to knock first and he either says he does (he doesn't!) or says "what are you doing that you don't want me to see?"

Since he retired he's around more and doing it more often!
What should I do - lock the door? Put up a Do Not Disturb sign?

This is our set up too!

But OP the latest example you provided paints a different picture - he invited you to a pub lunch, he didn’t barge in to ask you where his cycling shorts are.
It seems to me you are so fed up with him he’ll annoy you no matter what he says.

OP, are you in paid employment?

Interested in this thread as my DH behaves in a very similar way to OP but isn't retired.
I will hover and wait to check ok to proceed before addressing anything but it isn't reciprocal.
Often, and happened twice over the past weekend, I've been on a phone call and he has just started speaking to me. This is pretty annoying and I have previously stated that I find it rude as he could wait until my call is over unless it's an emergency (it never has been).
Similar to when I will wait all day to get in the bath to relax and he then decides he needs to do something in the bathroom despite us having another one available to use.
I've tried to explain how I feel ( i.e. I'd like to have a scrub and shave or even a phonecall in peace) but it hasn't landed in a meaningful way.

@7Worfs
Well, this was just an example to illustrate the point I was making - that he seems to think I should be automatically available to do whatever he wants, or to answer his questions!

Other recent interruptions have been:

• did I know which bins were due out in two days time
• did I have a stamp he could have
• do we have any pickling vinegar
• what's the name of the wife of the man he's going cycling with tomorrow

you get the gist...

I'm not in paid employment for a third party, but we both take a small salary as directors of a family business.
I also do other things which generate an income for the family on an ad hoc basis and require my time and management.
I'm also doing a course which is nominally 15-20 hours a week.
I am also a volunteer committee member for a local community group.

Thank you for the detailed reply OP - I’ll share my further thoughts though you may not like them.

Your setup of self-employed/family business/volunteering does give you a lot more control over your time as opposed to being a full- time employee.

Could it be your DH thinks because you have a lot more freedom than an employee, you can be more up for an impromptu lunch, or just up for a little chat? It honestly sounds like he wants to hang out and chat and you want to be left alone.
Is the rest of your relationship ok and do you like spending time with him?

My husband WFH full time , I don’t work and I never knock , I just walk straight in . If I’m out he has to have the door open so that the dog can get in with him if he wants to .

I think you need to arrange to have some days when you are free to spend time with him: go out for lunch, go out for days or half days, or just be more available for companionship. Then you can have other days where you are ‘working’ and he needs to leave you alone to get on with it.

One of the pleasures of retirement and part-time self-employment is that you can go out on weekdays when it’s not so busy as weekends.

Plan it together every week so you both know what’s happening in advance.

Also, I’d drop some heavy hints about him taking up some outside activities of his own, so that he’s not spending so much time hanging around the house desperate for your attention.

OP, from reading your latest replies to @7Worfs I do wonder if perhaps part of the cause of this problem is that your DH is having some difficulties adjusting to retirement? Has he been retired a long time, or is it fairly recent?

I know my DH went through a sort of 'lost' phase after he retired as suddenly he didn't have the routine or the demands of his job to occupy him (or his mind) for 9 or 10 hours a day. He did stick to my side (aka got under my feet! 😂) for a while as he really didn't know how to find his own place in what was now a very different type of life. It was a bit like having a demanding (but adorable) toddler in the house with me and I recall I got asked lots of seemingly stupid questions too 😀 😄

It did, however, settle down once he found his new routine and developed his own interests.

I'm not sure I agree with what @7Worfs seems to be implying, ie that you don't want to spend time with him, and that there may be other underlying problems in your relationship as (to me at least) your posts don't come across as if this is how you feel generally.

I read it as on this particular issue of having your peace, space and private study time regularly interrupted and not respected you are frustrated and/or irritated and struggling to find a way to communicate your needs in a way your DH can understand and respect.

You appear to have a full and fairly established routine yourself, and if your DH has never really observed it, or understood the need for it, then perhaps talking it through with him would help. However, if after that he does persist in not respecting the times when you need to be undisturbed then a very firm and frank talk about mutual respect might be needed.

Oh God! I could not stand this. I WFH a couple of days a week and the silence is blissful! It knocks me right off kilter if DH suddenly has to/wants to work from home
the same day. (We usually take it in turns.) There is nothing worse than feeling like you’re constantly interruptible!

DH doesn't knock, but he doesn't barge in either. He opens the door slowly in case I'm on a call/teams meeting

If I have an important meeting and I don't want interruptions, I have a 'meeting in progress' sign on the door.

I do the same with him, as we both have home offices. I open the door slowly in case he's in a meeting or on a call.

Third world problems 🤦‍♂️ honestly just get a lock

that doesn’t mean what you think it does

Yes, get a lock ( at least for when you have online meetings/ interviews/ calls that can't be interrupted).

And what about a small whiteboard or paper pad on the outside of the door, so he can jot down those super-important questions while he remembers them? (you'll see them whenever you leave the room - eg go to the toilet - and could even write your replies on there too).

High-tech add-on: get a webcam, and point it at the door/ whiteboard - so you can watch him writing his question in real time and decide whether or not you want to deal with it immediately or not.