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Original poster

Anxious about boyfriend going clubbing

26 replies

Sheree2000 · 19/09/2022 17:49

Is it normal to feel anxious about your boyfriend going clubbing? Does anyone else feel like this?

Me and my boyfriend have been together just over a year he’s the best guy I’ve ever been with I have a daughter from a previous relationship and he treats her so well he loves spending time with her and she loves spending time with him he’s a good guy his mums bought him up properly he’s not the type of guy to cheat or talk to girls behind my back etc I really do trust him he’s only ever had one relationship before me (we’re only 22) he’s never been the type to be a “fuck boy”. Anyway he told me he’s going clubbing this Friday and straight away I got a bad gut feeling and they always mean something…he never goes out with his friends he’s always working, seeing me, going out with his mum the only time he might see his friends is if he goes and chills with them and even then he always leaves early so it’s not as if he goes clubbing or out every week it’s a one off I don’t want to seem mad that he’s going or controlling but it’s just the thought of me being at home twiddling my fingers while he’s out clubbing surrounded by all these girls that are done up and wearing revealing clothes he obviously walks past tons of girls everyday that he must find attractive and it’s not as if he talks to them or anything he’ll ignore them but clubbing is a complete different type of environment I feel like I’ll end up going to sleep early just to stop myself worrying. He also dosent drink as he’s Muslim so it’s not as if he’ll get drunk and do something he regrets and he’s never given me a reason not to trust him I’m his first serious girlfriend he really does love me I think it’s just me thinking the worst and stressing I’ve not been able to relax since he told me earlier today. What’s everyone’s opinions on their partners clubbing no bad experiences please as I’m trying to reassure myself.

OP posts:
DropOfffArtiste · 19/09/2022 17:50

Why don't you go clubbing with him?

Original poster
Sheree2000 · 19/09/2022 17:53

I have a 2 year old and not much support so unable to get someone to watch her also none of his friends are bringing their girlfriends 🥲

OP posts:
DropOfffArtiste · 19/09/2022 18:24

Seems like your gut feeling is telling you something, or are you anxious/jealous usually? Is it something which happened with a previous partner?

Wish him a nice time and work on broadening your own social circle so you can go clubbing sometime (or whatever you want) and perhaps he can babysit?

BendingSpoons · 19/09/2022 18:29

He has given you no reason to distrust him, so let him have a good night out with his friends. My now DH used to go clubbing without me as he enjoyed the music, dancing and seeing his friends. I would wave him off and have an early night.

jelly79 · 19/09/2022 18:59

You really need to be ok with this and enjoy a night to yourself! The way you are seeing this is pretty negative 'sat at home twiddling your thumbs' and him being round done up girls! Neither are his fault.

I love it when my BF has plans and goes out!

CurryQuest · 19/09/2022 19:23

I uses to be just like you at your age. I met my now husband when I was 18 and for years anytime he'd go out clubbing with his mates I would make myself sick with jealousy and paranoia that he'd be talking to other girls! He never gave me any reason to doubt him and as far as I know he has never cheated on me. Now I'm slightly older and more mature I realise it was my own insecurities making me feel like this and had nothing to do with him. I hope you can work out what it is exactly that makes you so worried, he sounds like a great guy and I'm sure you have nothing to worry about :)

Huiyt · 19/09/2022 19:39

Got feeling is bollocks most of the time. Jealous people have a gut feeling every time their partner goes out. You answered your own insecurities in your post. “He is not the type”

Huiyt · 19/09/2022 19:39

Gut

Tulua2 · 19/09/2022 19:58

Could I’d be a bit more of separation anxiety rather than other girls etc?

Paulac77 · 19/09/2022 20:03

Personally, from what you have said, this is your own insecurities.
I use to get green eye as a teen and it just eats you up.
Hes with you. He has already chosen you.
Let him have his night and you get yourself a film on and a takeaway and enjoy your evening of peace x

frozendaisy · 19/09/2022 20:12

He's 22. He wants to dance whilst his knees still can.

If you can't go out in your 20s when can you?

It's not about pulling someone else it's about living life. Don't stress thousands of 22 year olds go out every weekend and don't pull. And they have no one else at home.

BlindGirlMcSqueaky · 19/09/2022 20:25

In a word, no. These things wouldn't even occur to me.

I'd be more interested in what I was going to do with my free time and hoping my boyfriend was having a nice time, wherever he was.

Personally, I think it's more important to trust your partner. Maybe they'll let you down, maybe they won't. Anxiety won't make someone be faithful and may well push them away or force them into secrecy.

33goingon64 · 19/09/2022 20:42

At 22 I was eaten up by jealousy and insecurity about boyfriends. It was such a waste of emotional energy and I regret wasting those years worrying when I should have been thinking about what I wanted to do. Unless he's given you reason to doubt him, don't give a second thought to what he's doing and enjoy your night in. Make sure you're the one who gets to go out next time though.

KendrickLamaze · 19/09/2022 20:54

When I was young I used to get really weird when my bf went out. No reason and lots of trust but it would be stupid things like just wanting him back because I missed him or thinking something really bad would happen.

My parents didn't have these discussions in front of me but I saw on tv that gfs were telling their bf to be home by a certain time and from the get go, he said no. I'll come home when I'm ready and the night is done. I can't say I'll be home for a certain time because I might be having a really good time and want to stay out. I thought he was unreasonable and why did he not want to be with me.
Nowadays, I agree and when I go out I say I'll be back when I'm back as is he. He wasn't good at keeping in touch but now he understands I watch too much American tv and worry a lot. He has none of these concerns when I go out and I think he is normal and I am not.

I'm still a bit weird secretly though I have no idea why but I know that him going out doesn't mean he loves me less, wants to cheat or won't come home. I just make myself busy when he is out. It's my biggest flaw personally because it affects our relationship and causes me stress I don't need.

Do you have any idea why you might feel this way or what causes these thoughts? I would work on controlling that. People like to have fun 🤩

5128gap · 19/09/2022 20:56

frozendaisy · 19/09/2022 20:12

He's 22. He wants to dance whilst his knees still can.

If you can't go out in your 20s when can you?

It's not about pulling someone else it's about living life. Don't stress thousands of 22 year olds go out every weekend and don't pull. And they have no one else at home.

This. Unless he's absolutely stunning, it's highly unlikely he'll be fighting off hoardes of gorgeous women and struggling all night to resist temptation.
If he's going to pull, he will like most average guys his age, need to put some effort in. If he's the type to put effort into pulling other women when he has a GF, he's not worth your time, and you need to know that sooner rather than later.
Truly, unless he's looking to cheat, the risk of him going off with someone else from a night out is lower than him meeting someone at work who he gets to know and like over time.

LoekMa · 19/09/2022 21:19

Poor kid. Hes literally so young, just 22, taking care of someone elses child and cant even go clubbing wthout this sort of overreaction.

I predict either a pregnancy by OP or her BF legging it real fast

GreyCarpet · 19/09/2022 21:49

Given everything you've said about him, I suspect this is more a case of this is the first time your trust in him is being put to the test. And that is what is causing your anxiety more than anything.

The reality is that, if he is the sort to cheat, he could cheat on you at any time if he chose to. Being out clubbing won't really affect that.

Trusting someone is a choice you make. It's in you. It's not really about them - unless they have given you reason to mistrust them. If they let you down, it's on them. And not about you.

Tulua2 · 20/09/2022 12:11

LoekMa · 19/09/2022 21:19

Poor kid. Hes literally so young, just 22, taking care of someone elses child and cant even go clubbing wthout this sort of overreaction.

I predict either a pregnancy by OP or her BF legging it real fast

What an awful response. I take it you have never had any unresolved trauma in your life which may cause triggers that you don’t even realise??

MandiY · 20/09/2022 12:35

I don't think this is normal unless you've good reason to believe something will happen. My partner who is very attractive goes clubbing all the time, often with attractive female friends. Doesn't cross my mind to think he will cheat.

ganvough · 20/09/2022 12:37

Oh but at 22, that's what you're supposed to do. His life can't just be work, mum, you and your child! Otherwise he'll have a breakdown/crisis at 30 and the relationship will suffer as a result anyway. You need to find ways to be entertained without him too. What about your own friends, or hobbies you can do at home? This jealousy is maybe more that he can go out and you can't. But soon your child will be old enough that you can get a babysitter and have your own nights out. So look forward to that and let him have his fun. If it turns out that you both have very different lifestyles and maybe he's not as ready for the responsibility of a child and this very domesticated life, as he thought he was, then better to realise it now anyway.

Whatever happens with him, focus on finding fun for yourself. It can't be healthy for you either to be cooped up at home with only child for company forever.

Watchkeys · 20/09/2022 13:51

Have you talked to him about how you feel? If not, what stops you?

creamwitheverything · 20/09/2022 19:16

Oh bless you Op. It is awful to feel like you do,especially as you seem to have found a great guy, So you know what I would do? I would ask him if he would like to come and have a bite to eat with you before he goes,tell him how good he looks and wave him off with a smile, Also tell him if he is not too late and he wants to come back to yours its fine! Give him a key and ask him to wake you up when he gets in! You never know with an invitation like that he might be home sooner than later!!! As for you ,get a bath have a nice long soak and a much needed early night,It is tough being a mum and I am sure you will be tired out like the rest of us,!!Dont look for trouble or try to meet it half way, Sounds to me like you have a keeper there and doesnt seem to me you have anything to worry about,

5128gap · 20/09/2022 20:05

creamwitheverything · 20/09/2022 19:16

Oh bless you Op. It is awful to feel like you do,especially as you seem to have found a great guy, So you know what I would do? I would ask him if he would like to come and have a bite to eat with you before he goes,tell him how good he looks and wave him off with a smile, Also tell him if he is not too late and he wants to come back to yours its fine! Give him a key and ask him to wake you up when he gets in! You never know with an invitation like that he might be home sooner than later!!! As for you ,get a bath have a nice long soak and a much needed early night,It is tough being a mum and I am sure you will be tired out like the rest of us,!!Dont look for trouble or try to meet it half way, Sounds to me like you have a keeper there and doesnt seem to me you have anything to worry about,

Why stop there? Maybe she could iron his shirt, then run him a bath before he goes. She could pour him a few beers while he gets ready, then drop him and his mates in town. He could text her to pick him back up at 3am. She could drop his mates off and hand him a kebab.😂

Losinghope9 · 20/09/2022 20:53

I used to be like this, and even up to fairly recently with my partner. And in the end I just talked to him about it, I acknowledged it's my issue but just needed to get It off my chest. He would just reassure me and keep me updated so I knew he was safe ( never asked him to)

And now Im not really too fussed with him going out. I'm actually usually waving him off so I can watch what I want on the TV. Why don't you invite a friend over?

sk2111 · 18/11/2024 14:04

My boyfriend of 2 months is in Amsterdam with his cousin for his bday today. He told me they’re going out around the city and that in the evening they’re going to a club. He said he won’t drink just smoke weed. I have a previous cheating ptsd issue with my ex boyfriend and all I keep thinking about is that he’s gonna cheat on me tonight. He has told me that he would never do anything to hurt me cuz he knows how valuable I am to him, but idk if it’s because of my anxiety or a gut feeling but I keep thinking that he will cheat on me tonight. He also has an issue that he’s not much of a texter so that just adds to my anxiety. He gets “annoyed” whenever I bring it up because he says that I’m doubting his love for me and I’m not trusting him. Idk what to do to take this awful feeling off of me.