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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I spoke to his other woman

38 replies

Autumnchills415 · 19/09/2022 17:20

I found out my ex was a complete pig when it came to women. Exes and new women and old school friends. Anything with a pulse could feed his ego. He was constantly in touch with various women and being a liar. I discovered tinder. I discovered messages to exes. I noticed new women appearing on his Facebook. It was mentally abusive and various stuff went on. We had a couple of months where it was strange. He backed off and away. Blamed me. Returned and this new woman was now allover his fb. He denied he had met anyone. So I asked her myself . She confirmed they'd met online. Met a few times. Slept together and he had said he wanted friends with benefits which she declined. He was carrying on with me. She moved on got engaged and I hoped he would change (silly me) but he left her on his fb. Eventually we broke up. When I realised he was chatting up an ex I dumped him.

I then struggled to sort financial issues and property with him. He blocked me 5 months ago. Then unblocked me last week. Wanted my money back I went onto his profile. Only to see he was going on holiday and also involved with tinder lady again!

Last night I messaged her. I asked why after calling him an alcoholic with a dirty house she had decided to remain friends. I told her my ex continues to deny they had sex. She sent me screenshots of him telling her sex with her was on another level. She told me for her it was fun. When I told her how much they had both destroyed me and asked her why she wasn't feeling ashamed to have e joyed her fun knowing about me. She said I loved him and she didn't . I sent her a screen shot proving he denied meeting her. She's ignoring me and has posted a friendly thing to him on fb.

I feel better for telling her how hurt I am. But I'm aware she's going to go tell my ex. He made a fake claim to the police I was harrasing him in june. So I took evidence of every single part of communication which proved i had behaved adult and to the point. They had it on file and said it was domestic abuse (various other things)

Today I'm kicking myself at contacting her. Do you think I could get into any sort of trouble?

He's 49 she's 50 and I'm 34. I am mentioning this so you know he's a fully fledged adult.

OP posts:
Azandme · 19/09/2022 17:22

What did you achieve by talking to her?

Opaljewel · 19/09/2022 17:30

Block this disgusting user and move on with your life. Forget the money you won't get it back.

Block her too.

Katyrosebug · 19/09/2022 17:30

Your not with him anymore, time to move on and leave them to get on with it

Mybeautifulfriend22 · 19/09/2022 17:34

You aren’t with him any more stop contacting him and her/another woman. It won’t help you in the long term.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/09/2022 17:36

You look unhinged having contacted this woman again. It's been over for ages, what possessed you to do such a foolish, and pointless, thing? Pull yourself together and move on.

hattie43 · 19/09/2022 17:38

You've made yourself look silly . He's treated you badly , don't look like you care .

CornishTiger · 19/09/2022 17:45

Possibly if he brings a harassment claim. How did police leave things with you. Did they advise you not to contact him directly or indirectly.

Original poster
Autumnchills415 · 19/09/2022 17:52

Because he's the one who's abused me in messages and emails and in real life and I've remained to the point they've put it on file and said if he contacts Me they will go have a word.

But he's unblocked me this week which he does to all his exes when he wants attention. So I am not proud but due to him unblocking me and posting he was on holiday when he owes me more than a holiday would cost I got upset and I did message her because they both told me different stories and she is aware of the fact he cheated on me with her.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 19/09/2022 17:56

None of what you’ve done is going to make him want to give you any money back. Decide what you want to achieve and work towards that.

What do you mean the police think is domestic abuse? It’s not clear.

Original poster
Autumnchills415 · 19/09/2022 18:01

He was aggressive with words. Threw me out in the dark. Issues silent treatments. Had all my money. Cheated. Lied. Tried to tell me how he preferred me to dress amd have My hair. Played mind games. Changed stories. Shouted all the time. Overall just not a nice person

OP posts:
Hearthnhome · 19/09/2022 18:01

I am confused why you are putting blame at her door here and trying to make her responsible for all this mess. What they do now isn’t your business if he isn’t with you.

How often do you check if he has blocked or unblocked you?

Hinestly, sounds like you are addicted to the drama. How much money does he owe you?

Realistically, will you ever get it? If the answer is no and it’s not a small amount actually take proactive steps looking at how to get it back without being in contact with him.

if it’s a small amount let it go. For your own mental health. You need to prioritise your own well being. And messaging her isn’t going to help.

economicervix · 19/09/2022 18:04

Exhausted even trying to wade my way through that.

Move on with your life. Opt out of all the theatrics. Don’t date scum.

Asterales · 19/09/2022 18:08

OP, nothing about this makes you sound like "a fully fledged adult". This is a horrible mess of toxic drama. Block the pair of them and focus on yourself and what you want. You can have a lovely, calm, happy life if you choose to step away from this pointless merry-go-round of finger-pointing and blame and just get on with treading your own path.

ThirtyThreeTrees · 19/09/2022 18:12

If he's that bad, why the hell are behaving like some sort of obsessed lunatic?

Best revenge is a live lived well. It's over and you need to stop driving yourself crazy. You are better off without all this.

b8tes7sw · 19/09/2022 18:16

Block block block, both of them and never unblock. It won't do you want good in the long run to keep going over old ground. You are 34, lots of life to live, try to move on now.

Crimeismymiddlename · 19/09/2022 18:45

It’s not her fault. You need to move in, this isn’t healthy. Most people don’t know if they have been blocked by ex’s let alone when they have been unblocked as they are not checking.

Bananarama21 · 19/09/2022 18:49

You look unhinged your not together she didn't know about you until she found out , it's her decision to get back with him she owes you nothing.

GreenManalishi · 19/09/2022 18:57

Put the Facebook down and back away from the people. It doesn't sound as though there's a fully fledged adult among you, from what I've just read.

Don't contact her. Don't contact him. Don't speak to either of them if they try and contact you. Done.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 19/09/2022 19:09

You sound about 12.

Walesscales · 19/09/2022 19:15

Jesus Christ. You're 34. This is so embarrassing you sound like you're in secondary school! Have some dignity!!

Crazykatie · 19/09/2022 19:15

Move on and learn DO NOT GIVE MONEY TO MEN whatever they say and dont date trash.

Herejustforthisone · 19/09/2022 19:57

You’re young and they’re….not. You’re free of this man. You’re the winner here.

Don’t keep looking backwards, only look forwards now. No more messaging either of them.

AnyFucker · 19/09/2022 20:01

Walk away from social media before you make a further fool of yourself

Move on, this is doing you no good at all. Write off any money he owes you…chalk it up to experience. You were scammed. Never get so involved again.

Grumpusaurus · 19/09/2022 20:09

Why are you stalking him and her on social media. Have some dignity!

User110922 · 19/09/2022 22:26

Block them both. Even better, delete Facebook so you're not even tempted to look them up anymore.

What are you trying to achieve?

Sounds like you're still hurt by the betrayal. He doesn't care. She obviously doesn't either, so you sending her screenshots isn't going to phase her. They're both a lot older than you and most likely have different priorities.

Just move on.