I spoke to his other woman

[Autumnchills415]

I found out my ex was a complete pig when it came to women. Exes and new women and old school friends. Anything with a pulse could feed his ego. He was constantly in touch with various women and being a liar. I discovered tinder. I discovered messages to exes. I noticed new women appearing on his Facebook. It was mentally abusive and various stuff went on. We had a couple of months where it was strange. He backed off and away. Blamed me. Returned and this new woman was now allover his fb. He denied he had met anyone. So I asked her myself . She confirmed they'd met online. Met a few times. Slept together and he had said he wanted friends with benefits which she declined. He was carrying on with me. She moved on got engaged and I hoped he would change (silly me) but he left her on his fb. Eventually we broke up. When I realised he was chatting up an ex I dumped him.

I then struggled to sort financial issues and property with him. He blocked me 5 months ago. Then unblocked me last week. Wanted my money back I went onto his profile. Only to see he was going on holiday and also involved with tinder lady again!

Last night I messaged her. I asked why after calling him an alcoholic with a dirty house she had decided to remain friends. I told her my ex continues to deny they had sex. She sent me screenshots of him telling her sex with her was on another level. She told me for her it was fun. When I told her how much they had both destroyed me and asked her why she wasn't feeling ashamed to have e joyed her fun knowing about me. She said I loved him and she didn't . I sent her a screen shot proving he denied meeting her. She's ignoring me and has posted a friendly thing to him on fb.

I feel better for telling her how hurt I am. But I'm aware she's going to go tell my ex. He made a fake claim to the police I was harrasing him in june. So I took evidence of every single part of communication which proved i had behaved adult and to the point. They had it on file and said it was domestic abuse (various other things)

Today I'm kicking myself at contacting her. Do you think I could get into any sort of trouble?

He's 49 she's 50 and I'm 34. I am mentioning this so you know he's a fully fledged adult.

While there are exceptions to every rule, in general blokes who are single in their mid to late 40s are single for a reason.
They gave either never settled or have ended up divorced/separated for a reason.

You were quite young and unfortunately found out the reason (they are usually washed up, cheating, often abusive, dysfunctional, degenerate scumbags who are not relationship material) the hard way.

Luckily you have not wasted (if you'd like to have kids for example) too many of your remaining youthful and fertile years on him; you're free and are only 34. Imagine if you'd found out what he was like in your late 30s.

She sounds almost as bad as him. They sound like they'll have a marvellous fucked up mess of a situationship together, leave them to it.
You shouldn't have contacted her but, it's done now. Move on and do what is necessary to recover and focus on your happiness and, if you want, finding a decent partner.

Don't waste your time trying to analyse scum or feeling like it's your fault or whatever .... It's not your fault, he wasnt single and on the dating scene in his late (?) 40s cause he's a well adjusted, high quality partner. I'd say he's been through a shit tonne of failed relationships and situation ships.

Do you think I could get into any sort of trouble?

Doubt it, you'd have to have a pattern of contacting her, with her making it clear it was unwelcome to be accused of harassment, I'd imagine.

Which sounds like she wouldn't be able to say, since you were messaging each other etc.

But I'm no expert.

In any case, stop and stay stopped. Or she might be able to claim it.

When I told her how much they had both destroyed me

Why let yourself get so hurt and traumatised by an old sleazy, habitual cheat, bad with money, alco, violent, fuck up of a person and his even older shag partner. They sound dysfunctional and low rent. You're above this.

He was punching to get a 30 something in the first place and you were selling yourself short. Be glad you're out.

She got engaged, is she still engaged (and cheating on her fiancé)? Or has she another failed relationship)planned marriage behind her at 50?

She knows he's a cheat, thinks he's an alco who doesn't keep his home clean but shags him cause it's fun? Sounds classy.

Maybe the sex is good for them because they're both scummy.

Maybe he says that to almost every woman to get a shag off them, "you're the best, baby" 🙄

He was aggressive with words. Threw me out in the dark. Issues silent treatments. Had all my money. Cheated. Lied. Tried to tell me how he preferred me to dress amd have My hair. Played mind games. Changed stories. Shouted all the time. Overall just not a nice person

So he's an abuser.

He will never really change.

Be very glad you discovered it before you, for example, brought a child into the world witg him and was tied to him for life (and subjected then to him as a father), before you wasted much of your youth on him. You are free of him, who gives a fuck how. Life is going by very quickly indeed; do your recovering and healing and move on and grab it by the balls. Don't let him get you down or keep you down.

If your money is more than the money you'd spend bringing a petition against him; try doing that to recover as much of it as you can.

15 yrs older than you and needing/using/keeping your money; what an all round fkg failure of a "man".

Just to add - happy, successful people tend not to do too much "why did he/they do that to me? How could he/they do that to me?" wailing and weeping. They don't look for non existent fault in themselves; they just think "that's what he/they are like, they'd do it anyone, it's him, not me" and move on. That's what you need to do; he's a fuck up, he drew you in (partly cause he's so much older and more experienced), you found out what he was like, you're out, and thank fuck.

(As for him and his latest squeeze; birds of a feather flock together. (And she's also a lot older than you and more, weathered, shall we say)).

Yabu op stop harassing her.

You've acheived nothing at all by talking to her!
Why are you still with this prick and why do you expect her to get rid of him when you yourself won't?
Both of you deserve better than this shitty man, stop letting him walk all over you & every woman he gets opportunity to.

OP You know you are only hurting yourself here. Stop and block.

She's calling him her ex ... I thought she's not with him anymore (?)

This guy doesn't feature you in his life and you should not feature him in yours.
It's a non relationship in your head OP.
As for contacting that woman twice, you really aren't doing yourself any justice.
Accept what it is and forget it.

@LemonDrop22

Thank you I felt like I got some help from your replies. Thank you. Its just anger I just need to cut that final cord of anger. I want him to get his karma for how unwell he made me. I'm on the way back up it just angered me to see her back when she made out to me she had no idea and that she didn't like him anyway. But yes when you put it like that. I was looking for a real relationship. They are both just ageing and behaving like teenagers. I do feel better today. I feel more in control so thank you. Yes it was abuse. It was much worse than just this. Alot of awful stuff happened to me.

Yes he was in contact with his ex too who he treated the same..sadly he's good at playing victim then his mask slips. It was definitely a traumatising experience and those who don't understand it haven't experienced it I guess. I have always moved on peacefully but he has traumatised me..it's a long journey but I'm getting closer. I have my youth and luckily got My children already who never met him! I only saw him when the kids were with their dad.

You really need to block and move on.