Dp puts the pub above everything

[MrPub]

My partner loves going to the pub, it used to be a Friday night thing after work. Now it's pretty much every Friday, Saturday and Sunday night and if he finishes work early in the week. It's about 2 hours every time smack bang in the middle of tea time/preparing dinner.

We are due to go on holiday tomorrow. I'm trying to sort the house as someone is house sitting for us. Our youngest is unwell and just wants to be cuddled. I still have washing that needs to be done. Dinner needs to be cooked for the older kids. I haven't finished packing and off he's fucked because I quote "he's bored"

I'd love to be bored but I have so much to do and I can't move off the sofa because the baby wants to cuddle.

I made it clear I wasn't happy tonight and he still left. I'm furious and sat here crying. I'm absolutely exhausted from the baby being unwell and I've been juggling him all day on my own whilst trying to get things done.

If we weren't going on holiday tomorrow I'd be telling him to sleep elsewhere tonight. I'm sick of flogging myself whilst he does what he wants when he wants.

It's not as simple as ltb.....we have kids, a house, a mortgage etc but I'm sick of telling him that it's a problem only for him to go more and more.

How many children do you have? How long have you been together?

You say partner so I guess not married...do you have a stake in the house?

It's an unhealthy coping strategy to go to the pub when bored but I imagine he is the funny guy in the pub so gets his ego stroked. I don't think you can change him, he had to want to be a family man. It takes a high level of entitlement to walk out and ignore your partner who is obviously struggling

Tell him when you are on holiday, this is a make or break holiday, if he doesn't slow down on the drinking and start spending more time with the family you want to separate when you get home.
Hopefully this will frighten him into pulling his socks up. X

How about this: when you’re at home during the working day, childcare IS your job. (If it didn’t count as work, you wouldn’t need to pay someone to do it if you didn’t do it.) Outside of working hours, whatever needs doing is down to both of you. Equally.

And for god’s sake STOP calling it ‘helping’ when he performs normal parent/adult tasks.

I will mention that to him

No, don’t ‘mention it’. Have a conversation. Establish boundaries. Stop being a doormat.

Men behave like this pathetic specimen because women enable them. Just stop ffs

Plenty of people with kids, house and mortgage split up. You’ll be happier losing the dead weight that doesn’t respect you

I'm sorry your partner is not supporting you OP.

What is also really sad is that he doesn't want to spend time with your children.

Also he is a terrible role model for your children.

His behaviour is unacceptable.

I understand why others are giving the alcohol so much focus.

However, what I got from your posts is that maybe this is a man who has started a relationship with an exceptionally strong, capable single mother. And that maybe he thought that the baby you had with him would just slot in as your responsibility in the way that the other children do, nothing would have to change for him.

I have seen that dynamic before and it wasn't drink that was driving it, more an irresponsible, freeloading 'someone else can be parent' kind of attitude.

Either way it's unacceptable.

Have you actually read the thread? The OP works a 9-5 job!

"It's about 2 hours every time smack bang in the middle of tea time/preparing dinner"

This is classic avoidance. I doubt it has much to do with alcohol at all.

I'm definitely a push over, i really hate confrontation so I avoid it at all costs.

Clearly you have to change, because this current situation is absolutely untenable. You don't have the luxury of avoiding confrontation any more, it's what's gotten you where you are now. Him treating you like a doormat has gone on for so long because you've allowed it. That is the reason why. He either does a complete 180, because he wants to save your marriage, or you leave him. Those are your options, because you simply can't carry on this way.

So by what you say, you have at least 3 DC's and he's a DP so not married. Do you work? Are you on mat leave? Was he more helpful with the first 2? I think you might know what I'm getting at, because, if he was as bad with the first 2, why have a 3rd and heap more on yourself?
I hope you have the means to support yourself should the worst happen, as you possibly have less financial protection not being married. Unless you are the breadwinner usually or have more assets, in which case, possibly good not to be married.
On return from hol, stop doing anything for him, just go on strike till he values you more. In his mind he's probably convinced himself that you like doing all these jobs, because it's what women in his eyes do - misogynistic crap. The kind of thinking that justifies them going down the pub.

God, what a child.

I can't stand these pub addicts. They seem so selfish and needy to me.

People who neglect their families to go on nights out with mates whilst leaving all domestic duties to spouse = selfish

People who do it, not to meet friends, but to loiter in their local, chatting to whoever happens to be there = selfish and needy and arguably even worse.

Sorry OP, I don't think he'll change without a massive catalyst. But it does sound like you'd be better off without him. He needs a short sharp shock.

I don't know what though, and I hope you can somehow manage to enjoy your holiday.

...further to my previous post, have just seen that you work 9-5 and he works evenings.

What does he do in the day? Why isn't he doing all the washing and housework and dinner prep?

Agree you need to stop calling it "help". It's not helping you, he's an adult, it's his responsibility, not chipping in to "help" you.

Yes, for three days a week. That leaves two days when her working day is spent in the home.

Go on holiday without him !!