Tinder (free version)

[neversaynever8]

Hi
i’m 10 months out of a long marriage and ready to date again.
i’m completely new to online dating, it just wasn’t around last time I was single but I feel ready to take the plunge.
Ideally, I’d like a free app or website.
suggestions please…. Is the Free version of tinder any good?

Yes, if you set boundaries about what you are looking for, and what you won't in terms of profiles and communication.

Have good photos, and a profile that actually talks about you in regards to personality and interests. Be upbeat. Have a sense of humour, you'll need it.

Yes, free tinder works fine. I think the only reasons to pay for it are to shift your location and to see who's liked you? If you find you're getting plenty of matches (likely, as a lot of blokes swipe right on almost every female profile) then there's no real advantage to paying for the premium service.

You'll get lots of opinions on whether tinder is any good or not as everyone's opinions are so mixed

One thing I would say for sure is that the paid version isn't worth it. The benefits you get with the paid version vs the free one don't justify the cost

“Have a sense of humour, you’ll need it”
… “everyone’s opinions are mixed”

gosh everyone, is there something I’m missing here? 🤔😫

I will say that I found OLD one of the most life-affirming experiences. Out of a long long marriage I got so much interest from men, about 200 first dates, 100-ish second dates. No man ever pressured me for sex despite what you'll read on here and they all paid for dinners, theatres and lots of activities wanting nothing in exchange. I actually have only had sex with 2 of them, one relationship lasted a year and now I'm on my second (this is our ninth month together, I think he might propose by Christmas although I'm not sure I want to marry again).

My opinion of myself was positive but after OLD it's now the highest ever (I'm over 50 so not young). Good luck, know your boundaries and enjoy the process. I used only tinder and hinge, hate the idea of bumble. 6 photos, 2 full length, 2 faces (one was my LinkedIn professional one), one with friends, one doing activities (mine was cycling). All fully dressed but clearly showing that you're slim. I also wrote in my profile that I'm a UK 6/8 and very active and I would only consider an active man who takes care of himself, non smoker, no tattoos and with a traditional education as I have a PhD in STEM subjects. It worked!! Good luck again!!

@forgotoldusername "clearly showing that you're slim".

Reallly?!!

Yes because I wanted to attract a slim/athletic man. Each to their own but I wanted someone who takes care of himself and all men I chatted with reacted positively to my "requirements"

200 first dates? @forgotoldusername over what period? I average 3 first dates a year...

@mscampbell started end of 2018, so all of 2019, a bit of a hiatus during covid (still met a few but the walk thing is not for me). Met someone end of 2020, we were together until beginning of January 2022. Was quite heartbroken when it ended but decided to get back into dating immediately and met this new partner end of January and we've been together ever since.

First date for me was a quick coffee/after work drink during the week, sometimes I would meet one for coffee during the day and one for a drink when my children were with my ex.
Second date normally dinner Thursday to Saturday (prime time so to speak). I'll be honest I have surprised myself at how easy I found OLD.

I took it as a job - chat for 2-3 days, meet (if someone couldn't arrange a date within one week I would unmatch) and then decide whether I wanted a second date or not

I like your style…
I’m also slim, active and professional. Mid 40s.
hopefully I’ll be lucky too. I like the idea of unmatching if no date within a week

I prefer Bumble over the others. Tinder - lots of chancers. Hinge - a bit serious. Bumble feels like a good middle ground and as a woman you have to message first so it feels a bit more in your control. Preference of app could depend on age, what you’re looking for, etc though.

My one recommendation before you hit the apps is to check out lalalaletmeexplain on Instagram. I came out of a 10year marriage 4years ago and found that the dating landscape, people’s behaviours and what some people perceive to be acceptable had completely changed. It’s easy to think that this is how it is now and the only way forward is to adapt and fit in. Her account really helped me navigate dating without compromising my personal boundaries.

@oatmilkicedchai maybe I'm insecure but OLD has done what it was supposed to do - bring me a lovely partner who adores me (and I adore him, of course). Wish other parts of my life were that easy too! And I'll freely admit that I probably have an eating disorder but if it keeps me trim, I welcome it

Which is nice, of course. I hope your happiness continues and glad to hear you met someone kind.

@oatmilkicedchai thanks. He's such a lovely and kind man and I hope we will be true companions and partners in this latter part of our life. I hope OP finds someone who truly loves her and viceversa too.

You sound an absolute nightmare to be honest. Surprised anyone can put up with your ego. And 200 dates and none of them expected sex from you? Not in this world. They may not have explicitly said they were just after sex but I bet quite a few were.

I did tinder post divorce and, on the whole, found it a positive experience. Was brilliant for getting some self confidence back. Am now 3 years in a relationship with my last date and very happy,

MN tends to have a negative view on tinder and many horror stories but that wasn't my experience

I think the secret is to not take it too seriously or too personally. I find it easy to talk to people, and i learnt a lot, met interesting characters.

Also managed to meet someone who on paper I was sure about, as wasn't my type as such and wasn't sure about his looks. But we got well on our first date, he's always communicated consistently. Second date over dinner i looked at him and realised how bloody gorgeous he was. Coming up to 4 months together, seeing each other about 3 times a week or more.

Thanks tinder.

@disin agreed!! Pure ignorant.

So what you're essentially implying @forgotoldusername is that if you're a curvier woman you've no chance

What kind of person welcomes being thin via an eating disorder?! Yeah have fun with that, especially in your 50s.

OP I met my partner on Tinder - initially I didn’t want anything serious and neither did he, yet here we are 3 years later! I was on it for around 2 years, had some fun dates to be honest, it suited me perfectly! Have fun with it, put boundaries in place for the start and block any idiots who make you uncomfortable and you’ll be fine :)

Do people genuinely do turkey basters?

Our of interest, are you on HRT? Menopausal? How do you deal with the sexual aspect of a relationship?

It depends what you're looking for: to settle down and have children, I'd say you're taking a huge risk. For second timers (post divorce with children etc), it's probably better as low or no expectations of "relationship escalators" in a conventional sense.