Married but living in different houses?

[stripeyzeb]

Been a bit inspired by the recent discovery that Charles and Camilla live in different houses. I'm wondering how common/popular this kind of arrangement is? Usually I guess, you get married and the 'done thing' is that you move in together (unless you already live together). But I've watched several friends' relationships nearly crack at this point because the blending of lives, habits and routines is just too difficult.

For me, I'm in my 40s, no kids, not currently married, love my home, and really like people but also love my own space. If I were to get married again, I really like this idea of a 'two household marriage'. Obviously it's a lot more complicated if you have children with your partner and probably not as easy.

But I'm just curious if anyone else does this and if it works or if it just creates more complications?

I don’t completely get it tbh, surely the partnering up is for steady ongoing companionship & proximity.
if the relationship can’t sustain living together maybe couple are not that compatible and should date and retain separate accommodation etc (which is fine)
regards watched several friends' relationships nearly crack at this point because the blending of lives, habits and routines is just too difficult I’d suggest maybe their inflexible, or unrealistic. Or incompatible

I don’t directly know anyone with this arrangement. I read Helena Bonham Carter has had such a set up. I’m not fundamentally opposed to it, just don’t see the point.

I think it’s a fantastic idea.

Great if you can afford it.

Well DH and I live in different countries at the moment and it kind of works but probably wouldn’t in the long term. That said I know a fair few people where one person ( usually the dh) works away for prolonged periods ( think rigs, ships, military) and it works

I live in England. DH lives in Scotland but this is for purely work.

Ok,so yes DP and I have had a LDR and lived apart in different cities and different countries but the eventual plan was to get together in one home and cohabitate. We live together now with our children and it’s hectic, noisy and there’s always someone shouting mummmmmmmmy.

It worked for me for 9 years but then in between he got lonesome and his head was turned when my back was turned. (I have and ancient mother so I need to be near her.)
We are not young so our relationship has floundered & it’s very painful. It was great to start but men like a Mother figure around all the time really.
Looking back, I don’t necessarily think it works.

If I were to marry that's the arrangement I'd want. In my late 50s here; no interest in combining households/decor/all my crap with anyone else's.

I love living together with my husband.

I wouldn't mind living in separate houses next door to each other for quick and easy access to each other without walking or driving.

I love sleeping together and cuddles with my husband too :)

How often do you meet each other?

My sister and her (now) husband married late (40s and 50s) and they live in separate houses for part of the week. Whatever works for different people.

For financial reasons, it's cheaper to live in 1 place together as well as with regular companionship.

Helena Bonham Carter lives next door to her husband. I think there's a connecting door.

DP and I live less than a minute's walk from each other. Works for us. He needs space from my DC and us from him as DC don't want a step dad and he doesn't want that role either. We see each other every day, often eat together with / without my DC. Close enough to drop in for a cuppa but I still have autonomy over what I do and when.

Think they did this ages ago. They're divorced now I heard.

@Icantremembermyusername do you consider yourself a family unit eg you, dp and the children?Does do attend family meals, functions etc or is it you and dp

I think this sounds like a perfect idea!

I know of only 1 couple that do it, both have their own houses but my friend has 2 children & didn’t want to disrupt their lives so her DH just visits/she goes to his etc & it works v well seemingly. Been like that for years.

@Successgirl2022 Sometimes 2 weekends a months sometimes not for 4/5/6 months if he's away.

I totally get it, I much prefer separate living,

@Zone2NorthLondon I guess so. They are my DC not his. We attend extended family events on both sides with the DC if they're not with their Dad. We have movie / games nights and days out with the DC. DP does the school run / ferrying to and from activities if it makes my life easier when he's available.

We do.. married for 16 years. Together for 12 but lived separately for 4... both MUCH happier. Actually get excited about going to see him.

Spend 3-4 nights together. Holiday together. Speak/text throughout the day .

I would love this

As Peter Cooke (who lived like this with wife Lin) said....'If everybody could afford to do it, they would.'

I spend months away from my husband due to work, I can't fathom a relationship where you want to be away from each other. Although will readily admit a break now and again does reinvigorate a relationship! But I'm counting down the days where absence isn't normal for us.