Perspective Please :(

[Caz891]

So this is going to be a long one but i just need some perspective / reality check. So much has happened with this situation I’ve lost sight of what’s right and wrong … Me and my ex fiancé broke up 5 months ago due to him not knowing what he wanted. I tried and tried to get him to want our future but he would always say he didn’t know. Alongside this he would continually like and follow random girls on social media - numerous times I’d ask him to stop as overtime this was breaking my self confidence - especially with him not being sure what he wanted .
He’d had wobbles over our 7 year relationship before but not to this extent.
Eventually he agreed to try but what I didn’t know at the time was that he saw himself as single - I was still sleeping in our bed at this point.
I found out he approached and messaged a girl at a bar and I also started to find out about him messaging a girl while we were still together. He claims it was friendly chat - but the reality was he’d only met her once when he dropped his car in for service - found her on social media and messaged her. I then found out he’d commented on girls stories with the fire emoji - although he was very coy about remembering this.
He was always snappy and never enjoyed our time together - nothing was ever good enough.
He still won’t accept my loss of self confidence Is down to him - that what I’m saying is nasty.
Now 5 months on , the house is up sale and he’s begging to try again. Says he owns up to all the mistakes he’s made. He can’t promise forever how we are at the moment but he wants to try and doesn’t want to lose me.

Im a bag of feelings at the moment and my self confidence is rock bottom. Part of me wants to believe it would be different this time but the other half of me can’t trust he’s going to change his mind again and I don’t know if he can stop his wandering eye. The sadness of losing what we had is starting to kick in as the anger dulls down.

He thinks I’m overreacting to him talking to girls - he said he’s a social person. I’d understand if it were actual mates - not girls he’s met once or on a night out.

I just need some outside perspectives please as I need to get some sort of sense in my head.

thanks

If he doesn’t know he wants to commit after 7 years, and after already breaking up over it - he will never know. In other words - he doesn’t want to be with you long term, but is used to familiarity.
Why would You consider going back to same situation you had 5mo ago….

Separately, and unrelated to him - you do need to stop measuring your self worth by you man’s behaviour. It’s not on anyone to prop you up.
If you der again find yourself looking on SM - for a girl at a car service you bf took his car to…. then emailing her to ask if your bf has emailed her…. Give yourself a shake, talk to a friend, talk to a counsellor. Do something to change your life - leave whoever you are with.
Living in some sort of constant hyper vigilance will only make you really unhappy.
You are only 31, but life is too short for that.

@MMmomDD Thanks for responding. I didn’t email the girl to see if he’d messaged her. I found out from someone who told me what had happened and he’d admitted it. I’ve never gone looking for it - unfortunately I’ve found out from other people.

Turn and run in the opposite direction as fast as your leg can run.