Absolutely fuming

[OLP2019]

Not really after advice but needing to vent.
I'm away on a work trip and DH home with two DC (10/13)
He's been out all day in our local and has brought DC 13 and friends home for a sleepover and I just found out from DC that he has left them and gone out again.
They're fine but I'm livid about it - what if something happens and they can't reach him ? And he'll be drunk in charge of them including two kids that are not ours
If I found out my Dc were left home alone when under another parents supervision I would be seriously pissed off.
Have a super early flight tomorrow but now feel I can't go to sleep until I know he's back home.
I know for absolutely certain if the roles were reversed he would have a real go at me for it as well so it's the hypocrisy of it because I know when I call him on it he'll just dismiss it (cos he's not that far away or whatever)
I'm kind of questioning if I'm overreacting but don't think I really am tbh. Yes they'll most probably be totally fine but that's not really the point
They don't know where he is or when he'll be back and he's too far for them to walk too if they had too in an emergency
It just seems so totally fucked up and prioritizing having a good time over the safety of the kids

I’d be furious too but the kids have your contact details and the chances of anything happening are slim to none. Try and get some sleep if you can so you’re able to cope better on the flight etc but you need a serious conversation with him when you get back if his drinking is causing these issues regularly

Did he drive drunk to pick them up?

you are right to be livid

I believe they got a lift so assume that person waited around til he fed them and then took him back again ! So there is that at least

@mrsbyers thank you I know the chances of an emergency are slim but it's just the principle of it !

I'd be livid if I were the parent of your kid's sleepover friends.
Is your DH not answering his phone?

I would not be happy about this, either if I was in your position OP or if I was a parent of one of the sleepover kids.

No he isn't answering or reading messages and I've also messaged a few friends he's probably with and nor are they.

To answer PP about his drinking - we both like to go out and have a good time regularly and where we live we often socialize at peoples homes with lots of kids and teens around hanging out. It's usually me who says it's time to call it a night and take them home and often end up leaving him out.
Recently he's like he can't go out without getting super messy and leaving me worried about him getting home safely. It probably is time for a chat about it but don't think he'll accept it is a problem.
The irony is that a few years ago I had an injury and got very depressed and started to drink verging on alcoholism (secret drinking during the day kind of thing) and he was very upset with me and probably worried about it too and even said how I should consider how it was affecting the kids etc - even to this day if he thinks I've been socializing a bit too much he comments about it as he's worried about me slipping back into it.
But when he's getting shit faced and stumbling around that's somehow ok (because he's not the one with a problem lol)

I should note that I no longer have a problem it was a short term issue due to being very depressed for a long period.

God while I'm writing this I keep thinking of stuff
Last time I went on a work trip I got nome from the airport and they were all out. I didn't want to join them so asked to bring some food home.
Ages and ages went by and he was still out and I was starving and pissed off coming home to an empty house
Then got a call from DC crying because he was just being a bit of a twat and they wanted to come home so I had to her in the care and get them
Still never got my dinner

Apparently he's home and went immediately to bed and passed out

Gosh I would be so pissed off too!!! This is totally not acceptable when he’s in sole care of 10 and some 13 year olds. Yes they’re at a stage where you can leave them for a little bit but not when you’ve got friends sleeping over and not for hours whilst you go out and get pissed!!

OP - I would not be happy about this at all either re your own kids or as parents of the sleepover kids

From reading your posts, you are aware that you’ve been non the border of problem drinking

I enjoy drinking socially/on holiday/to unwind etc as much as the next person, but actually i think your DH has a drink problem

Taking your kids to the pub all day, then leaving them to go out shows drinking is his priority… how much further will you let this go?

id suggest you both knock the booze on the head for a few months (eg 3 months & see how that is) & rethink the company you are keeping: what kind of friends pick a man up leaving his sleeping kids at home?

If they were 16/17/18 maybe but still - if there was a fire, one of them got ill etc: it’s not normal and a sign of bigger problems I think

Nope
Not ok at all . He has responsibility for his and other children . Sole responsibility.

Was he with the other parents when he bought them home ? Do they know he returned and carried on drinking ?

To put into context my husband works away and if I go out leaving my two aged 15 and 8 . I go local to get home quick and don't drink . Last time my youngest started throwing up . So I had to rush back and take over ( over enthusiastic ice cream eating ) .

If he's passed out how would they get help if needed . My fear would be a fire starting , him passed out, children trapped . It happens

Serious talk needed OP

Yes I do feel like it's his priority right now - that's exactly what I thought. It's so irresponsible I can't even put it into words right now.
No I'm certain the sleepover kids parents were out earlier and then went home so they wouldn't be aware he went back out.

I have consciously slowed down in recent times - maybe subconsciously because I need to be the one with my faculties when he's not !

Yanbu, he was in charge of other people's children and totally irresponsible. Not to mention your younger dc also being left unattended. This is unacceptable.

To clarify younger DC was not at home they were at a friends

Reads like there is a drinking culture around you both and your friends. Socialising around friends with children and teens present. Easy to see from your description how this has escalated. As a PP suggested time for you both to take a break from drinking and revaluate your lifestyle.

Poor kids

This sounds like a lifestyle social services would take an interest in. Honestly I’m really shocked. He is obviously so drunk he’d be unable to function in an emergency and is possibly even a liability to the children’s safety in that state.

I'm completely agree with all that's been said and will be addressing all of the things going on. I appreciate the comments and don't have more to say about it now.

Your DC's friends are surely going to mention this to their parents? He should be getting his apologies in order, if this was my child the Shi** would be hitting the fan right now..

Tragedies happen when kids are left home alone.

Seriously, you are married to an incompetent bellend.

I’m really glad for you that you want to tackle this /not brush it under the carpet

Hope all goes well for you

Echo this ☝️

Call SS on him

No not OK at all.

You have a tween and a teen in the house. Please think about the example you are setting for them.