Am I the only one who doesn’t want daily texts when they start dating someone?

[Silvercurtains]

I’m a busy person, working, single parent of young children. I want to date but every guy I meet expects daily texts. I’ve been single and independent for a while so I’m wondering if this is the normal way of things. My ex made my life hell for two years when I ended things so I’m also very wary of clingy men with no lives of their own. I don’t like feeling obliged to give someone a daily update on what I’ve been doing. Am I over thinking this? I also sometimes worry I hold every at arm’s length because I was hurt so badly before.

I'm the same. It feels intrusive and claustrophobic. There's no one right or wrong, people like different things. Just go at your own pace - tell them what suits you and if they just ignore it and keep texting all the time then they're ignoring what you want. You probably just need a man who wants to go slowly as well.

I find for me that if I'm not that into him any amount no matter how much communication is too much. You're just not that into him, if you were you'd be thinking about him and wanting to recieve a daily text.

I want to date but every guy I meet expects daily texts.

What do you mean by daily texts? Do you mean texting throughout the day or does that even include just a brief exchange at the end of the day? I think it's a bit unreasonable to try to find a relationship if you refuse to communicate even once a day. The poor guy is just trying to get to know you.

It’s nice to know I’m not the only one. Every friend I know that’s been through a long term break up, jumped quickly into another relationship with lots of daily texts. I’m finding it hard to find someone who wants a monogamous relationship where you don’t live in each other’s pockets.

It should feel natural and pleasant if it doesn't feel right then it's not. Don't overthink it. There's nothing wrong with you.

The guy I’m messaging at the moment, met online, we’ve been talking for nearly two weeks and have our first date in person tomorrow which was arranged last Tuesday. However, he’s text me every night since Tuesday asking how my day has been and started adding kisses to his messages today. It’s a bit too much for me. I’ve been sending polite but brief replies.

Everyone is busy and it all only take a few minute to text, it can be done while doing other tasks. I don't think it's unreasonable for people to want daily contact, you're unreasonable to suggest it's because they're not as busy or as independent as you.

It's fine if you don't want that, you just need to meet someone who wants the same thing.

I’m exactly the same. It does seem to drive men a bit crazy bunny when you are cool with them. Wish I’d learned this when I was younger and more needy and would probably be the one messaging daily! Either way I hate the forced intimacy before the first date too and even for weeks/months afterwards. Unfortunately unless you are blunt and tell them straight you don’t want mushy messages or even over familiar ones they keep on and /or it just makes them want you more!

I loved when we were talking/messaging with my husband, then bf every day.

Maybe you need a more introverted man who is not into texting every day or showing much emotion.

Some men (and women) on the autistic/Aspergers spectrum can be like that too.

That would be a red flag for me. You haven’t even met!

I'd agree this is a bit much. From your first post I thought it was someone you were actually dating.....

I think once you're dating someone you'd be wanting to get to know him and be excited when he texts. If not he's not for you

Daily texts with someone you haven’t met is not normal and I’d find it too much too.

Daily texts if you’ve been dating for a while and are exclusive- normal.

Please cancel the date.

Busy, full-time working single mum of 3 here too. I'm currently off the dating scene (breaks are the only way to keep sane ), but I liked being in daily contact with the person I was dating. Not copious amounts of texting, but a few messages is nice.
Different strokes for different folks.

I have to say I like it!

I've been dating someone for 5 months and still get excited when he texts me. And we do text everyday - not so much when he has his kids as he doesn't want to be on his phone all the time when with them

I am very busy but a quick 5 minutes exchange is fine and shows interest on his part. Example below

"How was your day? Great, I had this very funny meeting with a new colleague who just joined from our Hong Kong office, there's a real exodus from there. What about you? I wait for his answer and then say "rushing off getting supper ready. Speak soon."

About 2-3 minutes in all. I would not consider anything more than this, deep conversations happen in person

You'd love my ex, he wouldn't contact for weeks at a time...

It's once a day. How are you supposed to form a bond and an attachment with someone if you can't share a couple of seconds to text once a day to say hello? And adding a couple of kisses is not a red flag, it is a sign of interest and intend, fgs!

Tbh I'd consider you a red flag if I were him, you clearly aren't interested enough to spare a few seconds for him then how are you supposed to build a relationship?

From my experience, it's usually to show that you care about the person, when I do it, I don't presume it will.be a detailed analysis but more to so the person knows I care about them.

I don't like daily texts, either. 2 to 3 times a week max I can be comfortable with. Don't like dating to take over my life, and it begins to feel like it is when being bombarded with several messages asking how was my day, what did I do, what am I cooking for dinner, etc let's leave some things to talk about on our dates!

2-3 singular texts a week? Or 2-3 sets of messages a week?

I'm a daily texter, if I didn't hear from a date/potential date for days I'd presume they weren't interested.

I don't mind a daily text as long as its not "Hey, how was your day?" 😡 My day was the same as yesterday. And the day before. Work kids, cook, clean, and repeat. Send me a joke ffs.

2-3 sets, little conversations, are fine. Everyday I don't like. Run out of things to say!

Yes, before meeting this would drive me nuts. If we'd met and I was keen it'd be fine if it was interesting snippets of chat, not 'how was your day'... what a chore.