Not to go ahead with 3rd?

[Changernamerjoker]

We have a 9 year old, soon to be 10 and a 4 year old soon to be 4.

our kids are our world, but they didn’t sleep (3.5 years first and 4 years second) so it’s been a long decade and it HAS taken a toll on our marriage. It feels like the fog is just lifting.

my husband earns around 350-550k a year depending on bonus and is on 200k salary. He is likely moving to a new firm in the near ish future which will come with substantial financial gains. We have about 240k cash in the bank, trying to decide what to do with that, We live in a 1.3m house with 5 bedrooms, I work through choice but don’t need to (we do have a fairly big mortgage about 63%ltv) I’m explaining all this to let you know our circumstances not to gloat, (I grew up with very little) I know we have considerably more than most.

I found out I’m pregnant and my husband wants me to abort.

I became pregnant about 18 months after we had our youngest circa 2019, and I was sent to an abortion clinic to find in relief I was miscarrying. I really hate the idea of abortion for me, although to am pro choice. I would far rather miscarry than abort, feels like nature is taking the choice out of my hands.

My husband promised to get a vasectomy after the last pregnancy but never has despite our private medical insurance.

I clearly didn’t handle the miscarried well, and it was largely never spoken about after it happened. About 6 weeks later I went out and got a puppy… I can’t help but feel there is something in that. (the dog is very well looked after and loved)

I am very very hesitant about a 3rd, if we went through the sleep issues again I’m not sure we’d survive it. I suffer terrible post partum anxiety and our last baby was 7 weeks premature, thankfully all has been fine but this is a serious concern. We’d have an under 5 for 15 years due to age gaps and I can appreciate my husband feeling this is too much, he is ready to move on (we are still mid thirties)

Despite how difficult I think 3 would be, this time round we can afford help, we can afford night nanny’s and day time help and support we’ve not had before. He doesn’t really think this is an option.

i feel that abortion is a huge decision for people to make, and I’m my position I have to question whether it’s moral? A part of me would love this baby and being pregnant with all the hormones makes this an incredibly difficult choice.

my husband will resent me if I go ahead, I’ll resent him if we don’t. How do we get through this?

You have this child or not your relationship is broken. Having this child or not won’t break it , it might be the tip of the iceberg to finally end it. But tbh you’ve got bigger problems than this child. But please don’t bring another child to this family and carry on as a happy family. It’s not fair on the children. Split

Wanted to update on here.

it’s taken me a couple of weeks but I’m not going to go ahead. I’m currently 7 weeks and 3 days (scan to date) and will be having a medical abortion by post in the next few days. I am sad but at peace with it. Bpas have been excellent and I can not fault them.

I know my limitations and the error was getting pregnant in the first place. For the sake of my existing children (who I adore) I know I can’t go ahead. I know them and us and what we need and it’s not this. So I’m going to go ahead as quickly as possible as I think that’s important.

thanks for the support and chat.

That can't have been an easy decision, so I'm glad you have a good perspective on it. For what it's worth, based on your posts here I think you are making the right choice for yourself and for your family. I know that doesn't mean its an easy or happy choice to make. Good luck, OP.