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Original poster

Ghosted after sex

34 replies

Fallingslowly26 · 16/09/2022 17:18

I was dating a guy for a while who I met on an app, who was very full on, romantic, talking about future plans e.g. where we might go on holiday. Took it slow at first.

We eventually ended up having sex and he kept saying how much he enjoyed it, fancies me, etc. But the next day, he ghosted me.

Not an uncommon occurrence on the dating app scene, but I feel absolutely awful now that’s happened.

Why would someone spend so much time trying to impress me and then run away after the deed is done?!

OP posts:
CousinKrispy · 16/09/2022 17:20

I'm sorry OP. What a dick!!

gamerchick · 16/09/2022 17:22

He was willing to put the work in. Sorry man, it sucks.

Lovemusic33 · 16/09/2022 17:22

It happens a lot. Often because I man (or woman) can’t bring themselves to tell you “they didn’t feel a connection” or simply because they enjoyed the chase, got what they wanted and will now move on to the next one.

Just remember it’s nothing you did wrong.

Mischance · 16/09/2022 17:22

Cos he had got what he wanted - took a bit more effort than he might have planned but he got there in the end - he will now be on the to the next one.

Of course you feel awful - I am so sorry to hear this. He has simply used you by luring you in with false promises.

I know it hurts, but the positive aspect of this is that you will not be fooled next time; and one day you will meet someone decent as you deserve.

Loachworks · 16/09/2022 17:26

He was all about the chase. It really had very little to do with you personally. I imagine you're one of many he's ghosted once he's had sex. Get an STI check if you're concerned and chalk it up to experience.

holahihello · 16/09/2022 17:46

Hurts even more when you've dated and it feels like it's moving into a relationship. It's just sick to deceive people like this. I mean, what are women supposed to do; wait until a proposal before getting it on?!

How did he ghost? Are/were you waiting on a text/call back?

Oopsiedaisyy · 16/09/2022 17:47

Get it on for the fun of getting it on. Was he even any good?

Raddix · 16/09/2022 17:54

It’s awful when that happens. Someone once ditched me with the explanation “you’re tight but I’ve met this vicar’s daughter and she’s even tighter, you’re not a challenge compared to her”. So that was nice.

Findingithard43 · 16/09/2022 18:11

He sounds like an utter wanker. I don’t understand how people can behave like this and just treat someone else like trash. I’m really sorry you had to go through that. At least he has shown his true colours and you can be confident that you’re much better off without him.

Original poster
Fallingslowly26 · 16/09/2022 18:19

Oopsiedaisyy · 16/09/2022 17:47

Get it on for the fun of getting it on. Was he even any good?

No, he struggled to get it up because he was drunk. And I think he was embarrassed

OP posts:
BoviTraci · 16/09/2022 18:19

Hmm I wonder if he is married ? Or living with someone.

Original poster
Fallingslowly26 · 16/09/2022 18:20

holahihello · 16/09/2022 17:46

Hurts even more when you've dated and it feels like it's moving into a relationship. It's just sick to deceive people like this. I mean, what are women supposed to do; wait until a proposal before getting it on?!

How did he ghost? Are/were you waiting on a text/call back?

I am fairly sure he ghosted. He sent me a text when he got home. Then I replied saying I’d had a good time. Then he didn’t reply. I texted him later in the day making a joke about the hangover we both had, he replied to that briefly, then I replied … and …. Nothing for two days.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fallingslowly26 · 16/09/2022 18:24

Mischance · 16/09/2022 17:22

Cos he had got what he wanted - took a bit more effort than he might have planned but he got there in the end - he will now be on the to the next one.

Of course you feel awful - I am so sorry to hear this. He has simply used you by luring you in with false promises.

I know it hurts, but the positive aspect of this is that you will not be fooled next time; and one day you will meet someone decent as you deserve.

The problem is that there weren’t even any warning signs that he would do this. He opened up to me a lot about things in his past and made me feel as though we were building a bond. Only to go completely silent.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fallingslowly26 · 16/09/2022 18:25

BoviTraci · 16/09/2022 18:19

Hmm I wonder if he is married ? Or living with someone.

Who knows ! Didn’t seem that way, but I’ve never been to his apartment so I can’t be sure.

OP posts:
Undecidedandtorn · 16/09/2022 18:32

What I don't understand is that there are options for no strings sex if that is what people want. I had plenty of fun over the last couple of years with everyone understanding what the deal was - why don't men explore those options instead of leading people on?

I'm sorry this happened- he sounds like an idiot

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 16/09/2022 18:35

Undecidedandtorn · 16/09/2022 18:32

What I don't understand is that there are options for no strings sex if that is what people want. I had plenty of fun over the last couple of years with everyone understanding what the deal was - why don't men explore those options instead of leading people on?

I'm sorry this happened- he sounds like an idiot

Absolutely. Or if you want sex, why not just continue having it with the woman who actually likes you and wants sex with you? If they’re going to have to “put the work in” with a new woman by pretending to be a decent person while building up to sex, surely it would be easier to just do it again with someone who has already shown themselves to be willing? Fucking idiots.

Redqueenheart · 16/09/2022 19:35

It could be that he faked it from the beginning but it could also be that he genuinely liked you and was hoping he would not have any problems during sex, but as you said he struggled to ''perform'' and it could well be an ongoing issue which he is ashamed of and that's why he is ghosting.

Whatever the reasons, the problem is his and you are better off without him....

Pinkbonbon · 16/09/2022 20:31

In future remember that love bombers are never genuine.

'Full on' is ALWAYS a red flag.

And they act so keen in order to get you to lower your guard because they want u to fall for them its not just qbout sex, its about their ego.

YRGAM · 16/09/2022 20:55

You sure he's not just embarrassed about not getting an erection?

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/09/2022 20:56

What’s “a while”?

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/09/2022 20:56

No, he struggled to get it up because he was drunk. And I think he was embarrassed

Rubbish took itself out. Good riddance.

londonlass71 · 16/09/2022 20:58

Maybe he is gay

Original poster
Fallingslowly26 · 16/09/2022 21:19

Pinkbonbon · 16/09/2022 20:31

In future remember that love bombers are never genuine.

'Full on' is ALWAYS a red flag.

And they act so keen in order to get you to lower your guard because they want u to fall for them its not just qbout sex, its about their ego.

I’ve had this once before where somebody was really over the top , and I really fell for it. He ghosted after sex too.

But this time, the guy wasn’t TOO much, just seemed quite keen, and wasn’t pushy or anything. Therefore I didn’t suspect this outcome was going to happen.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fallingslowly26 · 16/09/2022 21:20

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/09/2022 20:56

What’s “a while”?

A few weeks, long enough to feel comfortable around him

OP posts:
Original poster
Fallingslowly26 · 16/09/2022 21:22

YRGAM · 16/09/2022 20:55

You sure he's not just embarrassed about not getting an erection?

I think he was a bit embarrassed on the night about not getting an erection, but he claimed it was because of the condom. I insisted he wore one. And I tried to make him feel a bit better about it etc. so I don’t know what he has to feel ashamed or anything about.

OP posts:
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