Ghosted after sex

[Fallingslowly26]

I was dating a guy for a while who I met on an app, who was very full on, romantic, talking about future plans e.g. where we might go on holiday. Took it slow at first.

We eventually ended up having sex and he kept saying how much he enjoyed it, fancies me, etc. But the next day, he ghosted me.

Not an uncommon occurrence on the dating app scene, but I feel absolutely awful now that’s happened.

Why would someone spend so much time trying to impress me and then run away after the deed is done?!

He's either embarrassed, married, or just wanted sex. I'd just pull back from this one and if he's interested, he'll call you.

In the meantime, focus on yourself. Don't let this one guy dictate how you feel about yourself. You haven't done anything wrong.

There have always been some men who do this, it happened to me in 1990 well before online dating! There is nothing you can do but forget it and move on.

Not much you can do and just a part of the dating scene nowadays. Not a very nice one but it reflects badly on him, not you.

He's a shit. I think for some men it's a game to see how many women they can sleep with. Once done, it's another tick off the list. Bastards.

If he ghosts you for a week I'd be inclined to message and tell him you're glad he's a waste of time because you need a man who can perform.

Ive just made a post as i think i am being ghosted for not having sex

you cannot win seriously

You made him wear a condom which meant he couldn’t get it up. He knows you’d want him to wear a condom if there was a next time which is going to be an issue for him, so he’s opted out. No loss I’d say.

But why did you say you had a good time when the sex was crap?

No idea if this will will make it better or worse but I think that, I a lot of cases, it's not personal, nor intentional, per se.

He wasn't thinking about you. It wasn't about you, or you not being good enough or even not feeling a connection. Because he wasn't looking for that.

He is playing a game. Sees a woman he fancies, plays the rules of the game, she responds, the sex is achieved, he moves on to the next. He won't he thinking anything bad about you. He'd have ghosted you anyway if you'd not responded in the 'right' ways.

It's why all this, don't sleep with a man too soon if you want a relationship stuff is bollocks because men who play the game are quite often willing to play the long game (and decent men who are looking for a relationship don't judge women on sex). They even enjoy your company and the 'romance' of it. But only within the context of the game. And, once they have won, the game is over and they start a new game with someone else.

I'm no prude but sex and "opening up" about past relationships & such after just a few weeks gives me the ick.

I don't want to be someone's therapist when I barely know them. Or trade body fluids.