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Original poster

Age difference

38 replies

brunettegal · 14/09/2022 09:43

Do you any you have a large age difference between your boyfriend and you ? I am 47 he is 30 , I do look and act younger and we get in great but just worried for the future he has two kids as do I

OP posts:
BringOnSummerHolidays · 14/09/2022 09:53

If you both already have kids, then you don't have to worry about if he's ready to have children. I'd say just go with your heart and see where it takes you. Life is too short to worry about things like this.

RandomMusings7 · 14/09/2022 09:58

As the older partner in the relationship, there's not much reason for you to worry. But in his place I would be terrified to end up as your carer when i'm barely in my 50s.

LemonDrop22 · 14/09/2022 10:10

With you both having already had your kids, I wouldn't worry.

I find age gap relationships generally fail on the kid issue, but you both have them and presumably aren't bothered about having more so ...

I'd just give a note of warning re combing/sharing finances through marriage etc. I know of some older women who married their younger partner, he stayed for up to ten yrs, then left for a younger woman ... With half their house equity.

A cleaner we had was in this position, working two jobs because she was back with a mortgage in her 50s having not had one for years, becayse if his payout in the divorce. It was her teenage daughters who discovered his new partner (affair) via social media.

MMmomDD · 14/09/2022 10:11

Sadly and unfairly - but age gap relationships where the woman is a lot older don't last. There is always Macron, but it doesn’t work out like this.
Age difference does tend to catch up.
So - if you aren’t bothered about it being long term, then enjoy.
But at 50 - he is unlikely to want to be with 67yo.

LemonDrop22 · 14/09/2022 10:11

*combining

Oblomov22 · 14/09/2022 10:12

17 years is quite a lot though.

Original poster
brunettegal · 14/09/2022 12:07

Thanks all he is a mature 30
Year old and I look younger by about 10 years but that may not last I am more bothered about the age gap tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
brunettegal · 14/09/2022 12:08

I am financially protected too

OP posts:
Original poster
brunettegal · 14/09/2022 12:10

RandomMusings7 · 14/09/2022 09:58

As the older partner in the relationship, there's not much reason for you to worry. But in his place I would be terrified to end up as your carer when i'm barely in my 50s.

I hopefully won't need a career at 67 my mum is 74 and more fit than me Grin

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 14/09/2022 12:10

If you're both happy what's the problem?

Spoldge45 · 14/09/2022 12:45

My husband and I have the same age difference. I am 43 & he is 60.

We have been together 21 years & have a 13yr daughter

I would say that for the first 10 years of our relationship, it made no difference at all,w e were extremely but the last few years I've noticed a difference. He works full time in a very physical job& understandably gets tired & in the evenings just wants to 'rest' where as I would quote often like to go for a walk or go out & do something.

Some of his friends whose kids are all grown up are retiring soon/or are semi-retired but because our daughter will be financially dependant on us for at least another 8/9 years, this just isn't a possibility.

I also worry about the prospect of working, looking after elderly parents/a teenager & potentially my husband, if required, I hope he will remain healthy & this won't be needed, but it in all honesty it's not something I thought about until now.

We both work, but we couldn't afford to go down to one salary, so this is also a long term consideration. Realistically he won't be able to retire until he in well into his 70's.

I think it very much depends on your personal situation, weather you work/have kids. (Is he happy to be step-dad/step-grandad in the future) & also weather he wants to have children will be the number one issue & he may not now, but his feelings may change in 5/10 years' time.

Good luck whatever you decide!

MincedMalbec · 14/09/2022 13:17

Have you been together long op? Do you also get along with each others families and have things in common?

Oblomov22 · 14/09/2022 13:44

Very shortsighted your last post OP. Read Spold's post again. And consider the 'possible' long term implications.

Aikko · 14/09/2022 14:37

17 years is a big age gap.
I do agree that it is around aged 60 that the differences start to become more apparent, when one is looking to retirement, and the other is still early 40s and generally still fairly agile.

In saying that, obviously everyone is different, and there are outliers.

Original poster
brunettegal · 14/09/2022 15:37

Thanks all he got married very young and has 2 children we have not been together long and it might not work out but will have fun

OP posts:
Original poster
brunettegal · 14/09/2022 15:37

MincedMalbec · 14/09/2022 13:17

Have you been together long op? Do you also get along with each others families and have things in common?

Only 3 months

OP posts:
5128gap · 14/09/2022 17:29

Its certainly not an easy path to tread if it gets serious.
There is a lot of judgement, interestingly mostly from women who often seem to have certain ideas about what is appropriate for older women (any engagement with younger people must be strictly maternal in nature!)
Its also hard to shake the sense there's a built in expiry date, probably somewhere around the point you're no longer 'young passing' and may start to look more incongruous together, or start to increasingly feel like you can't keep up.
Perhaps that wouldn't happen, but the fear of it can feel like a cloud hanging over the relationship, like you can't relax into a sense of permanence somehow.
I think there are a lot of plus points, especially at the age you are now, when a man his age might seem a much better match in outlook and energy levels than one in his 50s might be, so its a shame not to live in the moment and enjoy it.
Ultimately though, it's possible it will come with a price to pay at some point or another, so you need to decide if that's worth it.

Original poster
brunettegal · 14/09/2022 18:38

5128gap · 14/09/2022 17:29

Its certainly not an easy path to tread if it gets serious.
There is a lot of judgement, interestingly mostly from women who often seem to have certain ideas about what is appropriate for older women (any engagement with younger people must be strictly maternal in nature!)
Its also hard to shake the sense there's a built in expiry date, probably somewhere around the point you're no longer 'young passing' and may start to look more incongruous together, or start to increasingly feel like you can't keep up.
Perhaps that wouldn't happen, but the fear of it can feel like a cloud hanging over the relationship, like you can't relax into a sense of permanence somehow.
I think there are a lot of plus points, especially at the age you are now, when a man his age might seem a much better match in outlook and energy levels than one in his 50s might be, so its a shame not to live in the moment and enjoy it.
Ultimately though, it's possible it will come with a price to pay at some point or another, so you need to decide if that's worth it.

Thank you I agree

My best friend is 50 married to a 65 year old and they have been together since he was 24 and her 40 so it can work she keeps fit etc

OP posts:
Tulua2 · 14/09/2022 18:40

My boyfriend is 10 years younger, I have children and he doesn’t which is the only problem I can really think of!

Usernameisgone · 14/09/2022 18:46

I'm 35 my husband is 56 we are having our first baby next year. First for us both 🤷🏻‍♀️
Noone has ever said anything about our age gap. We are both adults and are on the same page regarding the future .

Gensola · 14/09/2022 18:52

Im 37 and my DH is 57. We are really happy together, we are both fully grown adults and what I have in common with people isn’t based on being the same age as them because we aren’t still at high school 😂
He works FT in a senior role and loves walking, cycling etc. he’s approaching 60 but I can’t say he’s slowing down or wanting to rest or anything like that.

Mushroo · 14/09/2022 19:04

Anecdotally I have relatives with a similar age gap and they’ve now been married 30 years.

She is still in great health (mid 70s) and they haven’t had any problems! So it definitely can work. (They also both had kids before getting together).

i think it works as they met post the kid phase and have spent their lives travelling and enjoying themselves.

HyggeandTea · 14/09/2022 20:27

I met my DP when I was 45 and he was 29. We have been together now for 4 years. I have 2 kids and he has none and does not want any. (He is now working his way through his 30s and is very, very certain of this!).

We get on brilliantly. I think he is unlikely to become my carer (most people don't fall to pieces in my experience), although that could happen to any of us I suppose.

I reckon we are in it for the long haul. We all like him and he likes us 😁

Original poster
brunettegal · 14/09/2022 20:33

Oooh all these give me hope 😉

OP posts:
HyggeandTea · 14/09/2022 20:38

Enjoy yourself. Treat it like any other relationship, you are worth it!