i told my dh to leave and he has tonight, my mum doesnt care and i have a 10 week old son

[newmummy27]

i just feel so alone i think i have PND and i cant bring myself to tell anyone. i told my mum he has left and she didnt care. i am alone with my 10 week old son. i dont know how i feel or if i should ring him. we had been having arguments and i couldnt take it any more.
i dont know why i am posting this

You must go and see your GP tmw for your sake and for your son's sake.

If your mum is not supportive you need to ask yourself is it because she doesn't understand what is wrong or because she isn't that way inclined.

You will have to speak to your H about seeing the baby.

Lots of people on here will have good advice.

How bad was your relationship? Arguments are one thing, especially with the stress of a new baby, but do you really want it to end? Tell your gp you are worried you may have PND. It will pass, you just have to get through this period. Look after yourself, it is very important to be easy on yourself. Do you have anyone you can ask for a little help, a friend, a sibling? Keep posting here and you'll get lots of support.

God, you poor thing.

First off, don't panic. It's natural to feel totally lost and confused when this happens.

Try to take a bit of time to find out how you feel. There's no rush. Things will work out somehow.

is your husband violent or aggressive toward you or your son?

Could you tell us a little bit more about what has been going on?

There are a lot of us on here who have been through similar things and are single mums, or have worked things out with husbands etc so you're not alone...welcome by the way

our relationship wasnt bad, but i have had depression for a long time and i am fed up of taking the blame for everything as it is down to my . it wasnt afeting the bonding with my child. i felt cught between my husband and my mum and my husband said i was making him ill and destroying his confidence. i caouldnt live in a silent house anymore and us both on edge. all my mum says it is my choice, she had an affair and left my dad and is very selfish. i told her he had gone and she just ignored me and hasnt rang back

i had PND and didn't realize it for ages until my hubbie phoned the health-visitor.
i had been picking fights and screaming and telling him to go cos i hated him etc.when inside i knew it wasn't true....i'm not saying this is how you feel,but you really do need to speak to someone very soon .

phone the gp and relate first thing in the morning, go to relate alone (take baby with you if necessary!). keep posting here. phone a friend, keep talking
(((hugs)))

he isnt violent, but he has been getting angry and shouting and he interupts and doesnt listen to what i say and just keeps saying i am ill. i kind of feel releived in some ways. i dont know where he has gone, maybe to a travel inn. i think he is depressed and he has said he feels he will lose his job. i cant take the blame anymore as i need to look after our new son

Is your Dad someone who might be more sympathetic? Your mum sounds like she finds it hard to be supportive, which is awful for you

Do call Relate. And try to get your dh to go with you, though you may have to wait a bit for a proper appointment. It sounds like you need to talk together with a calm and objective mediator.

but also focus on yourself and your son at the moment. Take it one day at a time.

It is possible that you are ill with depression, or that you are not ill but your husband is telling you that you are so that he can control you. It is hard to tell without knowing you or him.

I think some aupport from someone outside of the realtionship is crucial here - a GP or HV would be a good place to start. Do you think you could talk to one of those?

i am already taking antidepressants and the GP does know and also the heath visitor. but only i know how i feel. i do love him, i just had to tell him to leave before it continued anymore. i am alone but you know what i feel less alone than before (does that make sense?)

I think you need some perspective on what is real and what is not. That's what I mean - someone to talk with andbounce your thoughts off if you see what I mean. We will be glad to do that here of course

fllightattendant, i know what you mean about what is and isnt real. i have had a nervous breakdown in the past and i cant afford to go there again. i also dont want to make my husband ill

Yes it makes sense. Sounds as though you need some space to be honest.

You have done the right thing by following your instincts - whatever makes you feel like you can cope better, just do it - if it helps to be away from your partner for a while then that's what you must do. I'm glad you are putting your son first, you sound like a really good mum.

How long have you been on the ADs for? Do you think they're helping? What sort are you on?

i know i am and can be a good mum. i feel awful for telling him to go as our son is so young, he left in floods of tears. i told him i love him and to be careful. he loves our son i know but what has been happening has affected both of our bonding with him. he has been gone since around 5pm.i hope he is ok.

i have been on ADs for 7 weeks, sertraline (sp?)to be honest i dont know if i really need them, i know that sounds stupid. now i have some space i feel releived. i have been with dh for 10 years, married 2 years.

Give it a while then, just take the time you know you need, find your feet again. Then you will be refreshed and able to come back to talking with him, if you see what I mean...don't rush now or you will just need to get away again. Can you text him at all?
It sounds like a loving relationship and I hope you can find the strength between you to get better.

Perhaps discuss with your GP about trying a different brand or something, if you're not sure they're right for you. The surgery may offer counselling as well, which might be a better bet - deffo worth asking.

The first few months with a new baby can seem very weird and like a different world. Everything is under huge stresses, I am sure things will improve in a while. Babies do bring chaos to so many happy couples!

I have got to go now as Ds needs me but will check back later on x

fllightattendant, you are spot on, i have texed him, but he hasnt replied. i will be on later, i need to feed so now x

Hi - I'm really sorry to read your post.

I too have been in this exact situation, 8 years ago now though.

Maybe a break is what you need? Do you have someone else who can support you or maybe DH would take the baby for a couple of hours so you can have some 'me' time every now and again?

When my XH went I was obviously upset but when that had passed it felt like a breath of fresh air. AD's made me feel detached, I don't think they were for me.

Believe me, I went to hell and back but slowly things got better.

I never got back with H, but we are good friends now.

Let yourself feel sad, cry your tears, then tell yourself how brilliant and strong you are and how lovely your LO is and do some things you enjoy. A walk in the park pointing out the sights to your son could work wonders!

I know it's hard, I really do, have a virtual hug and whenever you need support just come and talk to all the wonderful people here.

oh - and I never admitted I had PND either.

I would stay in bed all day, my son looked depressed too (at a few months old )and my house was an absolute tip!

When I confided in people ages after that I had PND, they were all upset and horrified I hadn't confided in them. I must have hidden it well!

I hope you can get some sleep tonight Newmummy. It might do you good to have nobody to think about for just one night, you really need to recharge a bit by the sound of it. Something rarely spoken about but very important, is that we need our own mums the most when we first are mums ourselves. If this aspect is missing it can make the experience of becoming a mother more of a grieving time than a joyous one, as we realise our own mothers are not there for us. You're allowed to be upset by this, it's Ok, remember there are some great mums who never had a mother of their own around.

Be kind to yourself sweetie x

thanks emma and fllightattendant. i have texed him, he is at a travel inn and is ok. i havent spoken to anyone tonight, my mum hasnt called back either. i know if it was my child i woud ring and at least ask how they were. i dont understand her and i really feel like letting go of her and her partner. the problem is she lives around the corner! she is me me me all of the time and loves her new grandchild but isnt interested in me or husband. i am fed up.she also said we didnt have a clue when baby was born. why would we? we are new parents and need to learn together. i am so angry with her. she is also a flirt and doesnt act her age at 57.. well i wont get loads of sleep as ds will wake around 3am and 6am for a feed. we have had a nice night together tonight though.i am feeling down...