Please help me get through this - broken heart

[BrokenLonelyHeart]

It has finally ended with someone I considered to be my soul mate. A bit of cliché probably but that's genuinely how I feel. Absolutely no chance of us getting back together and honestly I feel like my insides have been ripped out. I am just beside myself. It's ridiculous but it is true. Please can any one just give me the steps to get through this and come out on top. I don't want to feel this way.

Sorry you are going through this. Why did you split up? Was it mutual?

Time. I'm afraid that's the only advice I can give. That and keeping busy and making sure you have plenty of emotional support. Oh and block him so you can't be tempted to get in touch.

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this but I promise it will get better ❤️‍🩹

My go to is usually self harm and alcohol so I need to try and avoid. It doesn't help long term.

It was me that split us up and then we got back together and he regretted it and said he couldn't be with me even though he feels the same. So it is over.

There was a reason why you split up and that is because you weren't right together. Now you are going to feel so raw. Try and spend time with friends and loved ones. Reconnect to yourself. Look after yourself. I find a massage is very healing in these times.

There's no two ways about it; It's awful.

Be very, very nice to yourself. Indulge yourself, don't try to stop yourself from feeling anything or give yourself a hard time for it. You're meant to feel sad, it;s meant to wreck you. That's a measure of your capability to love, not a measure of your inadequacy in any way.

There's a few stages, and it takes a while. You feel shitter than you thought you could, then you somehow feel even worse when you didn't know you could. Then that carries on until you're really really pissed off with feeling shit, and then, only then, will you feel compelled to take action to make yourself feel better, like 'starting to live again'. Up until then though, it's just going to be a bunch of tears, Netflix, Minstrels, and time.

You're not the only one who's done it, and for what it's worth, I was where you are, and then after a bit I met someone new, and I'm SO glad my ex and I broke up. You can absolutely be happy again in the future.

I'm sorry you're on the long hard road though.

Sorry your going through this, truth is a lot of people do.

Only thing that works is enough time passing. In the meantime it’s horrendous….until it’s not anymore.

x

I'm in the same position as you 😔
It's been 5 wks now and I'm still gutted, and hope that he gets in touch but he won't.
He's moved on which makes me think that the last 2yrs has been all fake.
I've blocked him everywhere but it doesn't stop me thinking he'll borrow a phone, send an email, send a letter ... anything !
But I really am thinking that guys are wired differently to us and can switch off and move on.

I write my thoughts in a diary and I hope in a few months I'll read it and wonder why I made such a fuss.

He was the love of my life. We weren't without a few hiccups but nothing that couldn't have been sorted but he just wasn't willing and ended it

So you're not alone - and all I can say is enjoy the weight loss 😬

Heartbreak is so tough. It just takes time. You have to allow yourself to grieve for the relationship. I don’t really believe in soulmates because that suggests there’s only one for each person and we know that isn’t true. It clearly wasn’t meant to be.

Look after yourself, do things that make you feel good and take each day as it comes and focus on the day ahead. It will get better I promise! Have you got a good friend in real life you can confide in? Perhaps have some counselling? I did when it happened to me and it really helped a lot. Exercise helped me a lot too because it helped me get rid of that horrible knot in my stomach.

Be kind to yourself. That’s the most important thing to do.

And if it’s any consolation I’m on major heartbreak II

Same. It’s shit isn’t it 😩😩😩Sending solidarity and good healing thoughts

It really is shit and thank you all for making me realise I need to live it and then move on. I am an impatient person I want everything to be ok now and I know it won't.

I have put on some happy music and trying to remember the nice things of being single. And weight loss would be most welcome @whattodo87

@Lozzerbmc 💖💐for you on no.2

I disagree with PP. I dont think guys necessarily wired differently and can switch off and move on. Most women can too.
Everyone has the ability to autopilot through trauma, some utilise and some don't. I've been able to switch off and move forward, but I was the one who ended it because I'd had enough and it was dead. What is presented outside is never a reflection of what's truly going on inside.

I suggest to PP and OP that as hard as it may seem and as much as the mind may wander, heal your broken heart with a pure focus on yourself. Get a bath bomb, face mask, get in the bath with a glass of wine or a cup of tea and put on some music. Cry it out. Listen to some heavy metal, or sad songs, whatever it may be. Just do you. Let yourself just feel. Let your feelings overcome thoughts of him. And the 'why' and the 'what if', let that go. The answers to those questions don't matter. You matter.
You WILL get through this. Trust me, you are more resilient than you think.
I hope you come through this, and we can read in a few days/weeks/months, an update of how much better you feel x

I wrote a diary. A sentence or paragraphs everyday. You see your journey and how mental you can get.

It is a physical withdrawal from a drug, like giving up nicotine, or alcohol or drugs. It takes time and the first few weeks are grim. 3 months was the turning point for me, really

Thank you all so much. I feel like I'm just holding it together then I remember and I can't stop the tears. It now feels like everything was a lie. It was all shite.

Brokenlonelyheart please feel free to message me and offload as I completely understand those feelings believe me! I’m in my early 40s and it’s as painful as when I was younger if not worse 😩🥴

Yep I am here with you too. Split with my stbxh in May after finding him on a dating website and have been back and forth a few times but I cannot 'get over it' despite wishing I could and him begging for me back. It is hell on earth. I made the huge mistake 2.5 weeks ago of meeting up with him and sleeping with him just at a point where I was feeling at peace and Bam I am back to the beginning. I don't have a magic answer but I just hope with time, as everybody says, it will ease. The pain is awful and at with both my DC off to Uni this year and next I feel like my future is very empty. Keep posting it helps to have others in the same (horrible) boat

1. Breathe.
2. Every time you think of him, push the thought aside and do something positive for yourself. Brush your hair. Paint your nails. Clean out a cupboard. Go for a walk. So, you think of him less and you get a tidy, well-organised place, whilst feeling you're taking care of yourself. Remember 'Do something - it makes you feel better.'
3. Know that you aren't alone.

Look up the 5 stages of grief and be kind to yourself.

How long were you together for , breakups are so hard .

Sorry to hear you are going through this. The pain will end and you will get through this. Guy Winch has a good Ted talk on YouTube that explains heartbreak with some advice on how to get through it.

Think of all the good things that happened since your last heartbreak (before this one), look at old photos to jog your memory of the happiest most memorable days. Relive them and savour them.

Now, think, when you were in the thick of heartbreak back then, like you are now, did you have any inkling of all the wonderful things that were about to happen next? Lots a great things happened! And guess what, they will again, I assure you. One day you’ll be laughing with joy again, and so pleased to have a day like that to enjoy.

Well, hasten that day by putting this in perspective, this too shall pass. You’ve got this. You’ve still got the strength that saw you through all the previous challenges. There is the other side of this, I assure you, and you will see it soon. Your greatest love may yet still be waiting in the wings. Take deep breathes, straighten your back, and chin up! 💐

I agree with PPs. You need to be good to yourself and focus on you. I'm 2 weeks in.

I agree the weightloss is a bonus...as I sit here troughing my face on a bar of chocolate. The stress of always feeling heightened does wonders for the waistline.

You can do all the things to look after yourself, but it doesn't stop your mind wandering. Most of my work day, my brain drifts to him. To the what it's and the why didn't I's?

Most days i feel a little better, but I have sad moments here and there. Less now than I did last week, and even less than the week before. I try to reason it out by remembering all the crappy things he did, but it's hard, as the crappy things are so minimal compared to the fun we had.

The thing I miss the most is the banter by text each day. We were together a year, texting intensely for 18 months before that and were good friends 5 years before that. I miss my friend so much.

I saw a friend that works with him at the weekend, and she said she knew something had happened between us, as he's been a wreck at work, but hadn't told her. Have to say that made me feel a bit better, but he ended it (by text 😳) All I want him to do is message, but I'm resigned it isn't going to happen.

It's the right thing to do to grieve what you have lost @BrokenLonelyHeart Allow yourself to hurt and be sad, as that's the only way to heal.

And I'm taking hope from one of the PPs whose new man made them thankfully that things ended with their ex. I'm sure both you and I will feel like that one day too. We just need to get through this painful bit first. Big hugs.

Hand hold you’ll get there but it will take time, be kind to your self treats if you can afford them.

How are you now OP?