I am always in social media trouble with my in-laws

[CrazyLittleThingsCalledInlaws]

....and I don't even use it very much. This is not so much as a seeking help thread, more sharing bizarreness and frustration.

I have a couple of WhatsApp groups I need to be in for school and work and I have a Facebook account that I use to sell things and keep in touch with my local community. I rarely post on there. I used to post a bit more, but have limited it, as I am just not a SM person.

So, my MIL and my SIL are big SM users. When I first set up my FB, many year ago some of their relatives (normal ones) friended me, and I accepted. I never friend anyone, that is my rule, but accept if I know them. MIL and SIL never friended me, but I could see them on the others pages. Then my MIL had a massive go at me because these people fed back to her what we had been up to and she said that she shouldn't have to hear it from strangers about her DGC or what her son had been up to. This was when I used to post more, but even then it was barely anything. So, she doesn't want to be on my FB, but it is not OK for me to post anything for anyone else to see, e.g. my family. Apparently I should send her photos and tell her first what we have been up to and I am disrespectful.

Then MIL told us that she has a family WhatsApp group with the whole family on there and they share photos and updates but she is upset as she doesn't have loads of photos and info to share. Here is the madness. She has asked me to be on a WhatsApp group with her and my SIL so I can share photos of the DC and what we are doing. When DH asked, why not just put Crazy on the family WhatsApp, I was told, to my face, that I am not family and that it is only for blood.

So, they invited me to be on the WhatsApp and I just declined it. The only reason they have done it is so they can cut and paste what I post and repost it.

Is it just me, or is this just mad behaviour? I've told my DH I am sick of them both and their games and I just don't want to have anything to do with them anymore. It is bad enough having to deal with one of them, but I have to deal with 2 scheming women actively working against me together. The way they act is as if my DC are everything to do with them, and I am just some hired nanny who they have to tolerate.

Why are you expected to keep them updated rather than your DH, especially as he's blood...?

Nothing sadder than over 25s invested in SM.
When my mother came to see her first DGC, she wanted a whole photo shoot, making sure she looked good in every photo and ignoring the baby showing signs he didn’t enjoy it.
I’ve never been so put off in my life. No more pics with granny.

Just ignore them and do your own thing. Don’t even waste your energy stressing about it, your DH can keep them informed as he’s blood related!!
im the hired help in my family too! It really does get much easier when you accept that they don’t even want you to fit in. Go do your own thing and don’t give it a second thought

My mum once went mad at me for not wishing my dad happy birthday on Facebook when he isn't even on Facebook! 🤣

I'd take the 'blood' line and run with it indefinitely.
"Share photos etc etc"
"Who me? Why, I am not a blood relative"
"Can you come at Christmas"
"Oooo that's a nice offer, aren't you busy with the blood relatives"
"Can I have DGS stay over"
"Errm, sorry, it's a bit awkward but you know how precious I am and he is only allowed to stay with blood relatives"

Basically I'd use her stupidity to push us low contact then stick with that. They sound like tiresome arseholes.

Block them and let your husband deal with it. Problem solved. Stop allowing yourself to get sucked into their madness.

This is your DH’s problem.

explain that you aren’t some sort of ‘womenfolk’ and all requests about blood or otherwise should go to DH.

They are tiresome arseholes. Sometimes I feel like I have a walk on part in a Cinderella panto with the wicked stepmum and ugly sister. I just thank fuck there are not 2 SIL's. They really are very catty and bitchy.

Just defer it all to DH. She wants blood relatives in the WhatsApp? Then DH can go in and share. Not enough being shared? Take it up with dh, he's the one on the WhatsApp, he's the blood relative. Just don't engage. It's not worth it.
Fwiw, I'm in a WhatsApp with my family and one with dh family. We are both in both. I share stuff to my family and he shares to his. For example, Ds started school last week. I shared a picture and a little message about how he got on with my family after drop off. I asked DH why he wasn't sharing with his family and he said he would do it after the pick up. And after the pick up, he shared it with his family. We will both chat in the other families group if it's relevant but the updates on DC come from me for my family and him for his family. It's not my job to update his family. If he wants his parents to know something about the kids, he can do it himself.

Why do they not want to be on your FB? Surely that is the easiest solution?

I think they were mean to say what they did about the WhatsApp group, but they did end up inviting you. I would have just accepted it to keep the peace (and rarely posted in it 😉)

By being bothered about this, you are playing their game.

Just stop playing. They can do what they like/say what they like. You're in charge of whether you care or not about two idiots being idiotic. They might have nothing better to do, but I'm sure that's not the case for you.

How much do you have to do with these two in real life OP? Do you have to see them physically a lot?

It’s your DH’s job to post on their family whatsapp. They should be having a go at him for not being photo oriented.

You can set up a shared album with your DH and he can share it on their WhatsApp. Simples.

I'd ignore them completely. Why would you want anything to do with such small minded people?

Let your DH send photos of your children if he wishes. You aren't the family secretary.

Why do they not want to be on your FB? Surely that is the easiest solution?

Because that would be an acknowledgement that I exist, that I am a part of their family. I’m not important enough to acknowledge. I know how they think. They talk about others this way.

I’ve got it down to seeing them once a month.

I’ve physically disengaged but they are still in my head.

Just stop seeing them they're rude as fuck

OP why can't you leave all this to DH?

They think that you are auditioning for a role in their family but you need to make it clear the reverse is true. No contact with dgc unless they play by your rules

The way I read it, they invited op to a separate one with just the 3 of them, not the wider”blood” group. They want op to share with them updates so they can then pass on to the wider group.

badbaduncle · DGS is a blood relative though so that one would fall down sadly.

OP, I would just ignore them. And I would tell your dh you’re not interested in whatever it is they have to say. If he wants his parents to see pictures of the dc he is free to take some.

My dp’s family have a family whatsapp group and it’s full of pictures and meme’s and is so irritating that he’s actually muted it and checks it every few weeks or so. I’e never been invited to join it but that suits me perfectly.

You are just the baby making machine and the grandkids are the prizes.......typical.

Ignore, they are mad, don't give them any fodder for their bored life. Just smile, be neutral and above them, and ignore as much as possible.

They are actively showing you they couldn't give two fucks about you. You shouldn't tolerate this and need to have boundaries in place to protect yourself. Two grown women obsessing over SM is just plain sad. They sound like two peas in a pod-I bet they both have submissive husbands who enable their shit behaviour.

If I were you I'd have nothing to do with them. And I hope your husband is supporting you fully and calling them out?

Absolutely demented. You’re right not to get involved.

Sorry, now I’ve used the word demented I’m worried it’s offensive!