I am always in social media trouble with my in-laws

[CrazyLittleThingsCalledInlaws]

....and I don't even use it very much. This is not so much as a seeking help thread, more sharing bizarreness and frustration.

I have a couple of WhatsApp groups I need to be in for school and work and I have a Facebook account that I use to sell things and keep in touch with my local community. I rarely post on there. I used to post a bit more, but have limited it, as I am just not a SM person.

So, my MIL and my SIL are big SM users. When I first set up my FB, many year ago some of their relatives (normal ones) friended me, and I accepted. I never friend anyone, that is my rule, but accept if I know them. MIL and SIL never friended me, but I could see them on the others pages. Then my MIL had a massive go at me because these people fed back to her what we had been up to and she said that she shouldn't have to hear it from strangers about her DGC or what her son had been up to. This was when I used to post more, but even then it was barely anything. So, she doesn't want to be on my FB, but it is not OK for me to post anything for anyone else to see, e.g. my family. Apparently I should send her photos and tell her first what we have been up to and I am disrespectful.

Then MIL told us that she has a family WhatsApp group with the whole family on there and they share photos and updates but she is upset as she doesn't have loads of photos and info to share. Here is the madness. She has asked me to be on a WhatsApp group with her and my SIL so I can share photos of the DC and what we are doing. When DH asked, why not just put Crazy on the family WhatsApp, I was told, to my face, that I am not family and that it is only for blood.

So, they invited me to be on the WhatsApp and I just declined it. The only reason they have done it is so they can cut and paste what I post and repost it.

Is it just me, or is this just mad behaviour? I've told my DH I am sick of them both and their games and I just don't want to have anything to do with them anymore. It is bad enough having to deal with one of them, but I have to deal with 2 scheming women actively working against me together. The way they act is as if my DC are everything to do with them, and I am just some hired nanny who they have to tolerate.

Re your comment in your initial post:
"When DH asked, why not just put Crazy on the family WhatsApp, I was told, to my face, that I am not family and that it is only for blood."

What was his response to that direct attack on you (and in turn also him)?.

What does he think about his mother's and sister's behaviours towards you?. Or is he mired in his own inertia and FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) when it comes to them and so says something like, "well you know what they're like". People from dysfunctional families like your H's all end up playing roles; what roles is he playing?.

Do not see them even once a month now; the current level of contact you have with them now needs to be severed. If relatives or parents are too toxic/batshit or otherwise too difficult for YOU to deal with, it's the SAME deal for your kids too. Keep your kids also well away from them (as I would also think SILs children are far more favoured by MIL).

I am not in any watsap groups
Just not interested

Twelve times a year is a lot to see people who have this much contempt for you. Disengage. Let your DH deal with them if he must.

Also, why is he not standing up for you? Why isn’t he telling them their behaviour is unacceptable and if they don’t sort out their attitude towards you they won’t be seeing any of you, including your DC?

Surely your husband corrects them and shuts down their behaviour? No need for you to see them, stop embarrassing yourself. Return their energy like for like.

My friend split up from her husband and her ex in laws sent her abuse on Facebook, but were also reposting everything she posted. She made a new email, then a whole new Facebook account under a fictitious name - obviously she explained to her friends and family what was happening. It’s been years now! She uses Facebook a lot for selling baby stuff, so didn’t want to get rid of it completely.

It's up to you what you share on your social media. It's up to DP to share with his family.

That's that. Done.

I don’t have my IL’s on my social media.

Or is he mired in his own inertia and FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) when it comes to them and so says something like, "well you know what they're like". People from dysfunctional families like your H's all end up playing roles; what roles is he

It is the women who rule the roost in his immediate and extended family. The men sit there quietly. This is totally alien to me. My DH says nothing as he has FOG. He also says things like; they didn't mean it like that, you are overthinking it, I don't know why it bothers you, it doesn't bother me and you are giving them credit for being cleverer than they are. He gets defensive if you say anything about them, but then acknowledges himself that they are awful. He once said to me "do you think I like having a mum like that?". He doesn't bother with his Dsis, but his mum forces the relationship. My DH is the scapegoat and SIL is the golden child. I have never once seen DH get a smidgen of attention from them.

They also do this thing which I cannot believe. Any small thing I do, MIL looks at SIL or vice versa and they roll their eyes. Right in front of me!!!!!!

Actually, they are bullies.

Yeah, don’t hang out with bullies. Has your husband not sought therapy for himself? You’re giving these people far too much headspace, you should have no contact with them at all, they’re nothing to do with you.
’hi cuntleen, refer to Blood for pics from now on, cheers.’ block. Pass all contact to blood, choose peace.

My MIL is a bully too with a husband who enables her behaviour. My SIL is slowly morphing into her with her attitude towards me. My DH, like yours, is so used to her bad behaviour, it's me who had to call her out and say enough is enough. We had to deal with years of extreme favouritism (think £150,000+ spent on BIL/SIL). I'm now NC, my choice. It's so difficult when families fall out, but I stand by my reasons, as should you

If this was me I'd block them on everything and I would also unfriend and block all their relatives, who are feeding back to them. You don't need these people in your lives. Best approach is to act as if they don't exist.
Any direct contact from them and you can reply that you don't deal with anyone who isn't a blood relative of yours.
I wouldn't be visiting or allowing my children to visit. I know that some posters will think that last bit is a decision for your dh but in my household, people who don't have any respect for me, do not get access to my children. If they want to see my dc, then they have to be polite in my presence. Children don't need adults in their lives who are blatantly rude to their parents!

Just turn their Facebook status to acquaintance. And set your posts to friends only.

you will still appear in their friends list but they won’t see your posts, so it shouldn’t cause any aggro

Lol at your over 25s statement. That’s probs lay well over 90% of Mumsnet. Apparently we’re all sad according to OP…

Agree with this.

Tell your husband to do whatvhe wishes but your children are no longer going to be around such negative people.

I couldn't be married to anyone so weak.

Yes, it's mad. Just keep doing what you're doing. Your dh can send them photos and updates if he wants to.

My mum (we are NC now for related reasons) unfriended me on FB when I called her out on inappropriate behaviour. She now tells everyone who will listen about how terrible I am that I prevent her from seeing photos of the grandchildren (not interested in actually seeing them - she hasn't in years - just for photos to share on SM to all her so-called friends)....but she leaves out the part about how she unfriended me.

A few months ago, I had to unfriend a mutual family friend on FB as I suspected that this friend was screenshotting my photos/updates to send to my mum. The reason we are NC is due to safeguarding reasons and risk of abuse (her partner has, amongst other convictions, been convicted of offenses related to child abuse images). So there is good reason why I don't share any photos or images of my children with my family. I ended up unfriending this friend of my mums, and my mum now also tells everyone how awful I am that her friend can't see my photos either to send to her. No true understanding of why I've made that very sensible decision. Boggles the mind. I'm a grown ass woman though and I have no time or energy for ladies in their 70s behaving like 13 year olds.

As PP have said, block and leave it up to DH. I would advise your DH to tell them - You said she’s not family and it’s only for blood. I am supporting my wife in this. Balls I’m your court.

Read the OP. They’re not FB friends. 🥴

My DM reels off stories about who liked what and who commented on what photo. Sometimes she gets "funny" and deletes everyone. Then readds everyone.

She's 73. My MIL and their friends are all the same. Overly invested in social media and take it all far too seriously.

I once got in trouble for not posting "happy birthday" on my DHs Facebook wall. I didn't, because, well, I live with him and we were spending the day actually celebrating in real life and not on our phones.

It's bizarre.

Lol at your over 25s statement. That’s probs lay well over 90% of Mumsnet. Apparently we’re all sad according to OP…

I mostly meant Insta/FB etc, not anonymous places like MN, though spending too much time in AIBU can’t be healthy either

Do you have to spend time with them? Leave any visits to your Dh, I guarantee you’ll see an awful lot less of them. Ignore their immature attitude to your use of social media, they sound totally ridiculous.