90 day rule

[Aprilshow]

I have been advised the 90 day rule before sex is a good principle to stick to. I know this varies between people and relationships. When does the 90 days start. Is it the first date or when you both agree not to see other people? Has anyone else found waiting 90 days helped? We have been dating for 6 weeks and official for 1 week. My man has said he will wait for however long it takes and that he wants me only. Surely you can do other sexual things during this period?

What do you want to achieve by waiting for an arbitrary period of time?

I've never heard of a 90 day rule. Where has this idea come from?

Just do it already OP 😂 he wants to, you want to, you both seem keen on each other. Where's the harm?

Nothing worse than telling them you are going to wait 90 days so I hope you haven't said that. Because that just turns it into a challenge. And you won't won't able to trust he won't leave as soon as you do it.

But if yourve phrased it that you would like to know him better and develop the feelings before sleeping together then that's probably fine.

Bit weird to be in a relationship already though and not intending to sleep with him for a while. Personally I'd want to know we were compatible ASAP in the bedroom before getting into a relationship. Or relatively soon into it.

It sounds like it's going fine. There's no shlurefire way to be sure he won't bolt after sex. I'd rather just sleep woth him when I felt I wanted to. Before I was so attached that if he turned out to be a wanker I'd be crushed. While I could still treat it as just a bit of fun.

I've never noticed any real difference between waiting or not waiting regarding men. It's more dependent on the man himself. Players are often happy to wait.

I don’t understand why you’d invest 90 days on someone when you may be completely incompatible sexually?

I don't know about 90 days but I never did anything for the first few weeks/months out of respect (although it wasn't a set duration or anything). A common criticism of men is that we just want to sow our oats etc and that was never my thing. Pressuring for sex can't be particularly pleasant so would rather spend a period 'getting to know you' and without sex being at the forefront.

I went by this general rule until I met my now wife and it all went out the window!

Who have you "been advised" by OP?

Like fuck would I invest 3 months into a bloke only to find out he's shit in bed! And if some bloke told me he wanted to wait 3 months until sex I'd tell him he was welcome to be celibate if he wanted but there's no chance I would be!

How bizarre and what a random number!

So in that 90 days you could actually see your partner 90 times without sex or, just 3 times. That makes no sense in my books.

Do you suddently rip your clothes off and have wild sex at the stroke of midnight on the 90th day, talk about a build up.

You do you, wait as long as you, and your partner, are happy wait, then (hopefully!), enjoy.

I've never heard of this rule, and don't see the logic in setting any fixed rule. For some relationships 90 days would be far too soon (eg if the couple if particularly young, inexperienced, only see each other once a month etc).

A few people have said why 'waste' 3 months on someone you may be sexually incompatible with. I struggle with this theory, as for many people you need to know and trust someone before the sex is good. Hence so many people have poor ONS. IME good sex comes when you have some understanding and trust. So someone you could have 'bad' sex with on week 1, could turn in to a great sexual partner a few months down the line.

A rule according to whom?

Relationships by numbers is absurd.

If I was dating someone and they didn’t demonstrate sexual feeling towards me for three months, I’d take it that they weren’t that interested and would leave the relationship.

I thought this was about travel within the EU...

😂😂

My OH and I had sex on the first date, been together 4 years, he's moving in & we have a baby on the way. 90 day rules is a load of rubbish, especially if you're already official.

Life's too short. Go with what's best for you (singular not plural - although hopefully good for him too).

What if it’s rubbish?.you will have wasted 90 days when you could have found someone who wasn’t.

You’re supposed to have sex when you want to.

This is crazy. 90 days will just make it awkward if they turn out to be selfish in bed or if you don't find them attractive naked.

Whose idea is this? Sounds like a weird way of making it hard for women to leave rubbish men. There's no shame in a woman wanting and having consensual sex.

Ffs 😅😅 who told you this bollocks

I thought it was the third date? Or am I out of date? (In a relationship for 21+ years)

Yes, wait 90 days - the sort of person that decides to do that obviously doesn't like sex very much. No point shagging like rabbits for the first 3 months and then disappointing him when things settle down to once a month. That's just plain old misrepresentation, so start as you mean to go on. If he's not lost interest and given up before 90 days, his sex drive must be equally low.

Or just stop over thinking it and do it when it feels right. Do it for yourself - sex isn't supposed to be something a woman gives up for a man, you're supposed to be doing it primarily for your own gratification. If that's not the case get some counselling or something.

This is daft. Would you wait three months or more before asking a potential new partner about their political or religious views, or whether they saw themselves wanting to have children at some point, or whether their ideal holiday destination was Benidorm or Benin? Of course you wouldn’t, because you might turn out to be totally incompatible and you’d have both been wasting your time. Why would sex be any different?

Eh?

I've got rid of most of them before 90 days has passed!

I think it's a silly idea but I'd count it from first date, not when deciding to be exclusive (which I couldn't imagine doing without DTD). I'd barely make it nine days myself if I fancied the guy.

Thank you for all of your replies. Some good points that a player can wait 90 days then leave. If I am honest I don't think I can wait 90 days 😂 I think it will happen soon as it is mutual and he is a very caring man.

90 days is a long time to wait to find he or she is not much good at it or the blokes only packing a finger of fudge 🤔

Finger of fudge. Ha ha
my second laugh of the day! Thanks.

Have sex when you want. I’d generally go with once i know someone well (as in had a few dates over a few weeks and hung out with them a few times and am keen to continue) and are in a committed relationship seeing just each other.
But each to their own.

Just make sure you use condoms OP as you can’t always tell by sight if someone has an std. And contraception, even The Pill, isn’t 100% reliable anyway.