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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I wouldn't do anything but he's so good-looking (and I'm married)

74 replies

Needmoreattention · 10/09/2022 22:54

My husband works a lot (workaholic).
Through mutual friends, we've met a married couple. The husband is wow!!
And has interests and knowledge outside of his career (unlike my other half).
I'd never do anything - we're both married.
It's made me aware of how boring and limited in knowledge my husband is.
I'm not saying other man is perfect - I'd maybe get fed up of him being so intelligent - but I enjoy the thrill of wow, when I see him. But I feel guilty.
There'll be times when I have to see him, cos of mutual friends. Dreading that but simultaneously excited.🤦‍♀️

OP posts:

LemonDrop22 · 11/09/2022 08:31

*If your dh

Thisisworsethananticpated · 11/09/2022 08:35

Honestly

if you are a bored housewife and doubting the longevity of your marriage ….. for understandable reasons

get back to work ! Seriously
Marriage isn’t for life
affairs happen
but money doesn’t grow on trees

sunlovingcriminal · 11/09/2022 08:41

If you're a bored housewife, sound like you need more to fill your time then lusting over other people's husbands.

Get a job to take the load of your husband? Maybe you could then relieve him of some of the financial burden, and you could spend weekend time together?

LemonDrop22 · 11/09/2022 08:47

Also just to point out that "fling" is a nice little minimising word for a massive betrayal and resulting fucking mess.

He didn't have a fling, he cheated on his wife ... It would be taken repeated, conscious decisions to act wrongly and ok himself with that; nobody falls into someone else's vagina or onto their dick without going through several stop signs. It could've (should have) ended his marriage and presumably broken up his kids existing home & family; he was willing to take that risk ... And for someone he apparently didn't even have strong feelings for or want to leave for; because he hasnt left, he's still there. Says a lot about his values and judgement.

LemonDrop22 · 11/09/2022 08:50

(Either that or he knew with certainty his wife would not leave even if she found out; which is awful in another way. Treating someone like a doormat and inferior).

gingertoast · 11/09/2022 08:56

Nothing wrong with finding someone attractive. However jeopardising a marriage over what sounds like a teenage crush is not a good idea and is unlikely to end well for you

LemonDrop22 · 11/09/2022 09:03

The husband is wow!!

It's made me aware of how boring and limited in knowledge my husband is.

Does your husband put his dick in other women?

If not, he's already leagues ahead of Mr "Wow" and his "knowledge" (for example about how not to fuck up your major life partnership and family, about how not to abuse your spouse) is superior to Mr Wow's.

If you find your apparently faithful husband boring & ignorant, you should leave and find someone you don't find boring & ignorant.

Crushing on a good looking, charismatic married cheater is not going to do you any good. (And do you not think his "lovely" wife has not had enough pain?)

Crazykatie · 11/09/2022 09:09

I know exactly where you are coming from, perhaps I should have had a serious talk with my husband years ago, because I ended up leaving after 30 yrs of marriage.
They are workaholics because they enjoy work more than your company and life isn’t fun for you, have a serious conversation why you are not happy, either he changes or you may leave, the prospect of a divorce might just wake him up.

kelsie2878 · 11/09/2022 09:18

No that is a terrible move, don't move on the handsome guy.

Ameanstreakamilewide · 11/09/2022 09:33

Daydream to your heart's content, OP!

No one's going to get into trouble with you simply day dreaming.
If there's a frisson of attraction between the 2 of you...just enjoy it along with the day dreaming.

Peoniesandcream · 11/09/2022 09:40

@Ameanstreakamilewide it doesn't sound like there's a "frisson of attraction between them", sounds more like OP is bored with her life and fancies this apparently good looking man, if he's that good looking I imagine his wife is too, considering men rarely date down.

LemonDrop22 · 11/09/2022 09:58

I wouldn't do anything but he's so good-looking (and I'm married)

Still laughing at the fact you only list you bring married as an obstacle, not him.

Apparently you see his "lovely" wife as of little consequence as his affair partner did (and as he does); poor woman. Surrounded by narcs and sociopaths.

LemonDrop22 · 11/09/2022 10:00

He's obviously most at fault but no wonder he gets so many opportunities for infidelity; when other women clearly dismiss the existence of his wife as an irrelevance.

ShirleyJackson · 11/09/2022 10:03

Tell your husband you are lonely, to the point of having your head turned by others.

He needs to know how bad things are for you.

LemonDrop22 · 11/09/2022 10:04

if he's that good looking I imagine his wife is too, considering men rarely date down.

What does it matter when he cheats on her anyway.

Looks never secure fidelity, only the character of the partner secures fidelity.

Hence people like Halle Berry have been cheated on (and abused) right, left and centre.

Dontknownow86 · 11/09/2022 10:20

Oh for goodness sakes has nobody ever just had a harmless fantasy when feeling a bit bored with their lives? It doesn't hurt anybody.

He might not be like this at home though op. I remember seeing my ex at a party suddenly having interesting conversations and talking people about things he'd never mentioned to me. I felt so robbed!

Shgytfgtf111 · 11/09/2022 10:30

To quote the movie '10 things I hate about you', put him in the spank bank and move on.

Recognise this for what it is though, the wake up call that all is not right in your marriage. That needs addressed.

crimsonlake · 11/09/2022 10:35

Interests and knowledge outside his career and he is 'wow!'
He might be all that when making an effort out socialising with friends, I wonder if he is 'all that' as a husband 24/7 I doubt it.

Original poster

Needmoreattention · 11/09/2022 10:39

Thanks again.
Exactly what I need to hear. X
I haven't disregarded his wife - it's more that I wouldn't do anything anyway.

OP posts:

Peoniesandcream · 11/09/2022 11:08

@LemonDrop22 I meant more that OP couldn't guarantee that he would be interested in here anyway, I'm fully aware if men cheat they can cheat no matter how attractive their partner is, the man in this situation already has.

Peoniesandcream · 11/09/2022 11:09

In her*

LemonDrop22 · 11/09/2022 14:13

Peoniesandcream · 11/09/2022 11:08

But men often affair down ... So neither his wife being good looking would stop him (and clearly hasnt) from cheating, not op not being as good or better looking as his wife.

LemonDrop22 · 11/09/2022 14:15

*nor op not being as good or better looking than his wife.

EarthSight · 11/09/2022 15:00

And has interests and knowledge outside of his career (unlike my other half)

Lots of men aren't workaholics. Lots of men have interests that are outside of their careers. I think your head is turned and you're being giddy about this man because you currently don't have those qualities in your husband, and this man happens to be very handsome. As to this 'fling'.....as someone else said on here, it's a great term to minimise it. He cheated on his wife OP.

jenny899 · 11/09/2022 15:20

Sounds like you need to move on.
I knew my marriage was over when I started becoming more than just physically attracted to other men.

You can be in a healthy relationship and still acknowledge that a man is handsome or charming, but when other men start to remind you of your husbands shortcomings, it's time to move on.

It's not fair to either of you.

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