Coming clean about cheating ?

[summersunshine46]

I have already posted about this issue some time ago. Back story - I am single parent to my DD (7) split up from her dad 3.5 years ago now, we were together for 10 years. At beginning of the relationship (3months in) and having just turned 18 I went on a girls holiday and got very drunk and slept with a guy. Ex quizzed me over this for years and I lived with the guilt.

I have tortured myself over this since it happened (I’m now 33!). I’ve started to get really attached to ex again (spend a lot of time together). His mum rang me earlier and said he’s really down and he wants us to be back together (ex does not know about phone call as he would be so mad at her ‘interfering’). I would love nothing more but I can’t because of what I did.

Ive been seeing a counsellor over this as it’s taken over. He wants to chat, but I want to tell him about the thing that happened and I can’t find the Words, I know he won’t be able to forgive me, which will finalise everything. We’re really good friends and I’m so scared that he will never want to speak to me again.

I don’t know what to do, I can’t live with the guilt and I can’t live with the lie.

Honestly I don't see the point and he's punished you enough.

But hopefully it'll give you closure to move on with your life without him. This limbo will do everyone's head in.

I don't see the relieved, grateful, appreciate your honesty, clean slate, lovey dovey reaction happening; I see an extremely angry, bitter, hate filled, withdrawal reaction.

He had a new partner (of sorts); you're already (by feeling this way) putting yourself in a pick me situation; you'll then be in it with him seeing you as a woman who's cheated on him and lied to his face about it for years (even through having a child together), while seeing her as a woman who hadn't cheated on him or lied to him. That's doesn't give you good odds. One of your main "strengths" in such a situation was your history together; he may well see that as tainted so that's not going to hold the weight it would've either.

The best thing to do is probably to recover, rebuild your life, stop defaulting to him emotionally etc move on etc. Because it doesn't look like a relationship is going to work out between you two whether you tell him or not.

Also, do you think hearing that he has a new gf who's he's going for nights away with has made you panic and try to grasp onto him.

If you yourself were seeing someone new and it was going well, or if you didn't think he was seeing anyone new and you didn't think "I better get in there beford that gets established/serious"; do you think you'd be feeling this way, wanting him back etc.?

His mum rang me earlier and said he’s really down and he wants us to be back together (ex does not know about phone call as he would be so mad at her ‘interfering’).

then I found out he went away for the night with his ‘female friend’.

😮

Wrong emoji, was supposed to be 🤔

Apparently not that down.

Do you think his Mum just wants her grand child growing up in a traditional home, not a blended one. Maybe she doesn't like change. Maybe she, like you, is motivated to try to nip his new involvement in the bud.