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Original poster

Am I being too superficial?

26 replies

YepItsMe88 · 06/09/2022 18:32

So I’ve been out of a relationship for more than 10 years after an awful break up. I’ve been OLD for a while, but not actually met up with anyone as it’s normally about sex or I bottle it.

Last week, a guy I had a few dates with before the awful relationship happened had super liked me on tinder. We’d only not dated more as he was a rebound from a previous relationship. I have great luck.

We’ve been talking every day, he’d like to take it further and he’s said he’s not bothered that I have a kid etc. He’s polite, has a job and is perfectly nice in every way.

the thing is he’s 5’5 and I’m only half an inch shorter. Should I really let this bother
me. He’s said it has got to him in the past and women have been put off dating him except for petite women.

Would it bother you? In every relationship, I seem to find faults where sometimes there aren’t any and I’m trying to stop doing that.

OP posts:

DivorcedAndDelighted · 06/09/2022 18:38

No, this wouldn't bother me. There are so many things which are much more important. Has he got nice eyes, a good jawline, style, is he fit? So much more to a person than their height, and frankly if you are otherwise well matched then v who cares?
Go on the date and see how you get on. If you fancy him when you meet again face to face, his height won't matter. If you don't fancy him, so be it. You could be missing out on so much if you fall into the trap of ruling people out based on one physical characteristic.

mscampbelle · 06/09/2022 18:40

Yes it would bother me unless he was very broad. I'm insecure about my weight so prefer to date guys who are heavier than me. Stupid I know, but that's me.

Original poster

YepItsMe88 · 06/09/2022 18:42

Thank you for that. Yeah he’s got lovely eyes and smile, clearly works out and is all round lovely.

I think it’s because I’ve been single for so long it just gets harder and I don’t want to get hurt again. I’m cautious about potentially bringing someone else into my child’s life. It’s easier to just stay single.

OP posts:

Original poster

YepItsMe88 · 06/09/2022 18:45

I understand totally. My one ex was slim and even though I wasn’t massive we looked so silly together. I weighed more than him and whilst he didn’t care, I always felt paranoid.

He’s got massive muscles arms and thighs.

OP posts:

Glitterspy · 06/09/2022 18:48

Now, I’d go out with anyone who was kind, funny and I fancied.

before, I would have discounted a short man. That’s how I ended up with an abusive tall man.

WaffleAndGelato · 06/09/2022 18:50

Nobody laughs at Sophie Dahl and Jamie Cullum. I'm 4lb heavier than my DH and taller than him when I wear heels. Literally nobody has ever commented. I say go for it.

Penguinsaregreat · 06/09/2022 18:56

I’d go on a date and see how it goes.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 06/09/2022 18:57

Don’t look for excuses to fail, dear. Be brave,,give it a chance.

tellyiscrap · 06/09/2022 18:58

I'd definitely go on a date and see how you feel . I would also prefer a man who is taller than me but I'm hoping if I met a decent good bloke who matched all the values I want - I'd grab him no matter his height weight hair colour etc

Whataretheodds · 06/09/2022 19:00

Imagine in a few years time you bump into him and his partner who is gushing to her friends about this amazing man, and you realise you didn't even go on a date with him this time because he's only half an inch taller than you.

You're not agreeing to marry him at this stage. Just give it a go. Other stuff is MUCH more important.

Dery · 06/09/2022 19:03

Agree with PP - no-one’s perfect and it sounds like he’s ticking a lot of boxes.

Original poster

YepItsMe88 · 06/09/2022 19:09

Thank you all. You’re all right. I worry about what other people think. Some of my family made jokes at my 1 ex who was 5’8. He’s ticking lots of boxes :)

OP posts:

Ilovelindor · 06/09/2022 19:11

If he was amazing in most areas, I could look past it.

Something to consider though is that he obviously has insecurities about his height. Which can be more annoying than the actual issue itself. So while he says other women had a problem with his height, they might have actually had a problem with him banging on about being short all of the time.

Original poster

YepItsMe88 · 06/09/2022 19:21

Yeah, I guess it’s one of those tall, dark and handsome so if you’re short you don’t meet it. He’s said he’s not bothered about it unlike when he was younger as there’s nothing he can do about it and he’s realised it.

He said he’d have no problem dating someone taller, just by using OLD sites as soon as he mentions height when he’s asked the chat normally stops unless they’re just over 5ft. He now just puts it in his profile in a way to not waste time and he rarely gets messages off anyone closer to his height.

OP posts:

Mamato3boysand2dogs · 06/09/2022 19:33

Bless him. Go on the date, he sounds lovely.

ShandaLear · 07/09/2022 08:32

You either like him or you don’t. If you like him then go for it.

Animalism · 07/09/2022 08:41

Go on the date! It doesn't sound like you are particularly into very tall men anyway and he's a bit taller than you.

mondaytosunday · 07/09/2022 09:03

No I'm 5'11" and my first love was 5' 8".

gannett · 07/09/2022 09:07

You can be as superficial as you want in the early days of dating. If you're not attracted to someone you're not attracted to them.

But in this case OP, it sounds like you're placing too much weight on what other people think. Your family making mean jokes about someone's height should have no - zero - bearing on who you choose to date.

And thinking you'd look silly with a shorter man is also all in your head - that's your insecurities, not anything real. I've never thought a short man and taller woman, or slim man and heavier woman, look silly together. Most people don't think that. The people who do are twats.

Personally height is not something that's ever made me more or less attracted to a man. Good faces and good bodies can be found on short as well as tall men, and of course good personalities too.

Tayegete · 07/09/2022 09:13

If you were really tall I could understand you feeling uncomfortable but given you are a similar height I would go for it. I think OLD encourages a tick box type approach to meeting a partner whereas actually a connection in real life is much more important.

Bananalanacake · 07/09/2022 09:13

You can date for 2 or 3 years before you introduce him to your DC. Go for it if you like him.

alwaysmovingforwards · 07/09/2022 09:16

OP, only you can decide what bothers you or not in a potential match.

You don't need to justify it to anyone except yourself.

MimmiCooper · 07/09/2022 09:23

Davina McCall is going out with her minuscule hairdresser .
She seems happy enough .

forgotoldusername · 07/09/2022 09:26

Hi OP, I am OLD (or was). I had no problem dating shorter men. A couple of them even told me how much it bothers them. Those that recognise their feelings but have moved on are really nice men (you can never generalise but ...)

Who cares about your family, this is YOUR life. Without wanting to sound patronising I'm 50 so I'm over what people think. Please at least go on a date

RandomMusings7 · 07/09/2022 09:27

Decent men are so very hard to find these days. If other than his height you find his looks attractive enough, I think it would be silly to dismiss him over a meager inch or so.

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