Single mother by choice - Reality check

[Freshstart111]

Can anyone please give me any books or Podcasts regarding the journey of being a single mother by choice?

I am a 35/F who earns over 200k per annum
I am emotionally healthy, kind and loving
Stable and emotionally available
great friends and colleagues

For the life of me - I have tried OLD, speed dating and a dating agency. I cannot find a suitable partner, not even remotely so. I am not ‘too picky’, I do not have a ‘bad picker’ - I have just been exceptionally unlucky with who I have encountered. Men have openly admitted to me they are uncomfortable with my success, even worse that I grew up in a council estate. It seems I repulse them. I have had one engagement and a live in partner - as I became more successful in my career; the worse my love life became. I can barely get a second date now and if anything I look after myself more now and have done so much work on myself that I am unrecognisable from a couple of years ago.

Two years ago after the worse encounter of them all on OLD I foresaw the reality. The dating pool is horrific and there is a very real chance I may never meet someone. I attended for AMH and ovarian reserve and all OK.

After two years of continuing to try and meet someone I hold my hands up and say I am undateable. No man wants anything to do with a woman like me and thats fine - whether its personality, looks, success - who knows the reason but theres no point really on focusing on it now. I have grieved it, gone through the stages and now in acceptance.

Does anyone know anyone on here I can speak to who has gone through this journey personally? Also any Podcasts or books would be great.

I think it will be absolutely fine. You have clearly thought hard about it and can support yourself and DC.

I am raising a child, completely alone, in a foreign country. No support. I am married. I live alone with DC and have done since she was 2, she never sees her father. Marriage guarantees no emotional security, it is financial (and even then) just look at relationships board. But you have the financial.

My personal opinion is that you have missed the "first time rounders" Come 45, with a 10 year old, a successful woman like you will be a prize catch for all the newly eligable 45/50 year olds. (With similar aged DCs)

And what if you loose precious fertility years looking for the right match not find it and miss out on motherhood? You don't have to always prioritise partnership.

Unless you believe (have convinced yourself) that you will ALWAYS find the right match at the right time? But I didn't, I was 39 when I went solo, and leaving it any longer will most likely have resulted in losing out on motherhood. I now have the rest of my life to find my "match" as you put it, If I want to (but I don't), without the time pressure

I strongly agree with all those saying if you want a child, now is the time to prioritise that. You then have the rest of your life to find a partner, if you wish to.

I meant OP's magical partner. And yes gay people find partners but my point is that your magical 'there's someone for everyone' belief has flaws. What if my magical One is a 19 yo goat herd in Eritrea. How do I find him? It's a load of Disney nonsense.

I admire your tenacity OP. I was in a similar position at 35. OLD is hell. If I were you I'd go on several rounds of egg freezing and meanwhile continue to OLD. Use sites where you're more likely to get serious / high value men eg. eHarmony or even some of the match making services. It is obviously not ideal to have a baby alone and have them grow up without a father. I'd do all I could to avoid that. Give yourself a deadline. Maybe a couple more years looking for your life partner and then go for the donor route. I really hope you find someone x

Just hopped on this thread to wish you luck. There is absolutely nothing 'wrong' with you, meeting someone is such a combination of luck and circumstance, then an element of work keeping it afloat. Couples who have dearly loved each other can just completely break due to really tough times destroying the joy in their relationship. Surround yourself with very good friends, plan for this in terms of finance, time, absence from work, everything. You cant prepare for the emotional ride so well, which is where the close knit community will come in. Good luck and I wish you every joy in future parenthood, single or otherwise.

At that income you can buy in the support you need, a live in nanny for the first 2 years then an au pair combined with nursery, weekly cleaner, food service etc

OP, just wanted to say—go for it. I started trying for children at 31 with my partner. 2 years infertility, a late term loss, 3 miscarriages later we are simultaneously grieving and in love with our lost children. Our relationship has taken a battering and I’m not even sure if it’s a good idea to keep trying together, though I desperately want a living child to love. No living children yet. I’m your age. This is in reply to the pps who have suggested waiting. Do not wait. You have no idea how long it will take. You have the financial resources — do not throw away the resource of time.

I really don’t like the idea of DC being raised without a father but had I been in your situation op, especially on that salary, I would’ve done it in a heartbeat rather than be childless. Why are all the men such a shower of shit these days?

I was in a similar situation - high earner, single and wanted kids.
I'm now a SMBC to twins. It was the best decision I ever made! Yes I'm exhausted juggling work and childcare and paying 3k a month in childcare, but it's all worth it.
I love not having to share parenting decisions, and my children have a stable home, and a very supportive extended family.

Oh and my family has no health problems (including me) so I've got good jeans

Genes 🧬 not jeans 👖! 😳

So uni finishes in about 9 months?

A bit late to this sorry but as PP mentioned, Not By Accident is a phenomenal podcast in which an Australian woman documents her journey into becoming a single mother by choice. It's an absolutely beautiful story with a whole lot of heart. Wishing you all the best with your journey