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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Getting over a break up

57 replies

Cee17 · 06/09/2022 10:53

Hello, Apologies for the lengthy post this is my first post and I am looking for some advise and support as I am really struggling at the moment.
My partner left me now aprox 7 weeks ago, we had a few minor arguments but nothing out of the ordinary. He is claiming he was unhappy and did not like the way our relationship was going ( in over a year and a half you could count on one hand the amount of times we argued )
The week before we split he asked for some time and space apart, I never saw him in this week however I did text him, looking for answers and reassurance on our relationship ( which he has not said I made worse and ruined any chances of us getting back together )
He has blocked me on all platforms apart from one where we have had some communication ( although none of it has been very nice, telling me to leave him alone etc, he says he has not blocked me to see if I can manage no contact with him but keeps threatening to block me on that platform also.

He is also seeing someone new at the moment, although he is telling me it is nothing serious they are from the same group of friends and are 'seeing what happens' - it looks as though they have been seeing each other since a week or two after we split, and he did initially lie to me when I asked him outright if he was seeing someone.
He says at the moment all he can tell me is here and now he does not see us being together again but cannot see the future so doesn't know if we could be together again in time.

I would like to hear from anyone who is in / has been in a similar situation as I am really struggling to find away forward and see how things are going to get any better. I feel like I have lost everything with this relationship ending. I cannot eat or sleep, and I am struggling to focus or function on basic tasks / make decisions. I am totally isolating myself from friends as no one seems to understand. I have spoken to my GP who has given me anti depressants however nothing seems to be helping me.

Thanks in advance x

OP posts:
Twawmyarse · 09/09/2022 15:38

I guess I have really done all I can, said all I can, and the ball is well and truly in his court now.

The balls in his court for what? Why are you putting the ball in his court? This man has treated you with disrespect and callousness and you're hanging around waiting for him to contact you - why?

The problem lies within you and what is obviously a huge lack of self-esteem. Ask yourself why you are so willing to mope around waiting for crumbs from this man who has treated you abysmally? Do you honestly want him to get back with you because he pities you? He's told you he's moved on with someone else and to leave him alone. That's what you need to do - you're making a fool of yourself. I'm not trying to be mean just to get you to look at this objectively. What would you say to a friend who was in a similar situation and was pining for this man? Treat yourself with the same kindness and respect you would give to a loved one. He doesn't care about you - that's the bottom line. It's awful and your heart feels like it's breaking but you cannot make someone want you. Just stop. Stop contacting him, stop with the stone business (do it with a friend instead if you feel it will help you have closure). You're in danger of becoming a nuisance and your behaviour bordering on stalkerish. Is that what you want to become?

littlebirdieblu · 09/09/2022 17:40

Twawmyarse · 09/09/2022 15:38

I guess I have really done all I can, said all I can, and the ball is well and truly in his court now.

The balls in his court for what? Why are you putting the ball in his court? This man has treated you with disrespect and callousness and you're hanging around waiting for him to contact you - why?

The problem lies within you and what is obviously a huge lack of self-esteem. Ask yourself why you are so willing to mope around waiting for crumbs from this man who has treated you abysmally? Do you honestly want him to get back with you because he pities you? He's told you he's moved on with someone else and to leave him alone. That's what you need to do - you're making a fool of yourself. I'm not trying to be mean just to get you to look at this objectively. What would you say to a friend who was in a similar situation and was pining for this man? Treat yourself with the same kindness and respect you would give to a loved one. He doesn't care about you - that's the bottom line. It's awful and your heart feels like it's breaking but you cannot make someone want you. Just stop. Stop contacting him, stop with the stone business (do it with a friend instead if you feel it will help you have closure). You're in danger of becoming a nuisance and your behaviour bordering on stalkerish. Is that what you want to become?

Totally agree with all of this.

Please just stop. Accept the relationship is done. You are absolutely showing no self respect for yourself. And because you are behaving like you are, he will be will be telling everyone you are the crazy ex.

I also agree that you need to forget about doing the stone thing with him. I think in your mind you think him doing that with you will bring you back together. It won't.

Breakups are always hard. But you are prolonging your pain by continuing to harass him. Block him and take time to heal. I recommend you do some reading too. 'Keep Calm and cut him off' is a really good read and will help you see what you are doing is not healthy.

mscampbelle · 09/09/2022 20:20

Bless you, it's so hard.

The only thing I can say is use this pain (and anger - which I'm sure is coming) and channel it into spring boarding you into your new life.

Original poster
Cee17 · 11/09/2022 12:04

Just a quick update, my ex and new partner have gone ' Facebook official' with pics of them together. I was hoping and praying it was just some sort of rebound and I'd get my life and relationship back. Does not look like this is going to happen.

I hope I can come back to this post in 3 months time and post about how time does help and things do get better!

OP posts:
forgotoldusername · 11/09/2022 12:14

@Cee17 let that be the wake up call you need. Get angry and move on. I can assure you having a man who loves you is the most amazing experience. One you don't need to beg and who doesn't stress you

Come and update us in a few months hopefully with news of another amazing man or news of your own amazing life!!

Original poster
Cee17 · 11/09/2022 12:59

It has been the wake up call I need, I know it's the best feeling in the world and believe it or not he was that man until he left. Never had to beg or plead for anything from him.

I'm devastated I'm in this position but I'm sure there are plenty people worse off than me.

This is the first day of the rest of my life.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cee17 · 24/09/2022 11:50

Hi everyone, couple of weeks down the line and still no further forward. I have not spoken to him, do not have him on any social media, I am seeing friends more , reaching out, trying to do things I enjoy but I honestly feel worse than I did before. Everyone keeps telling me it takes time and I'l be ok but it's been nearly two months since we split, he is happy and moved on and is happy for his new relationship to be all over social media and I am still stuck in this haze of loneliness, sadness and at a total loss, any tips or advice would be much appreciated if there's anything else I could try, I can't take much more of the upset, sadness and tears multiple times a day it's so crushing - thank you x

OP posts:
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