Is this emotional abuse?

[needhelpplease2]

To ignore someone when they are talking to you, just carry on what you're doing and not even look up.

To refuse to engage in a discussion after an argument and just sigh and huff and then walk off when the person tries to talk. Or say "right, fine, whatever". When the person tries to ask if they will contribute to the discussion the reply is "I've got nothing to say".

To walk out / drive off after a disagreement leaving the other person to look after your joint young child.

To tell the other person's family members "I'm planning on leaving her" and then act totally normal with you afterwards and not say that to you.

To get angry when you want to contact them at work - all contact is on your terms. You call when you want to, if the other person says anything about a topic you don't want to discuss "I'm not discussing this now" and / or hang up.

To ignore someone sobbing their heart out and just walk out the door/ room.

When the other person raises an issue or something that upset them and calmly tries to discuss it you get angry, raising you voice, then say "well here's all the things you do wrong"

I'm going crazy here thinking am I the problem? He's convinced me I am.

Perfect sense, I get that. It starts small, little things from someone you love and trust completely and you think ok maybe I should try a little harder, maybe I'm not right he's so sure of that, maybe he didn't really understand me, I just need to find a way to help him understand and then he'll see what he's doing to me..... A thousand little cuts that slowly erode you, erode your self esteem, make you doubt yourself, because this is all coming from someone you love deeply and trust completely and you think they feel that way too, so why would they be saying/doing these things if they weren't right?

When it finally gets bad enough, often years later you start to wonder, but you don't trust yourself any more, you don't know yourself anymore, you feel broken and you have been conditioned to feel responsible for everything especially his behaviour, to feel like the only thing wrong is that you're not good enough, you messed up, you hurt him, everything is your fault always, especially the way he react . There's his voice in your head saying if you just tried harder, just did the thing he wanted, had more sex, supported him more that everything would be great. That you'd be a happy family. While part of you knows this is completely ridiculous and wrong and if anyone else told you this story you wouldn't doubt for a moment he was abusive it's still so hard to get past the doubt they've planted in you. That's why abuse victim's seek outside validation, we need to know it's not us and we're not crazy and he is an abusive bastard. He is @needhelpplease2 , he is abusive and he is not worth a moment more of your time, if your life. I'm glad you have a friend that listened. Unfortunately you're family sounds pretty useless, but you can do this without them.

That's great.

Respect your feelings.. This is a good point, my counsellor said feelings are always valid, I've been trying to remind myself of that, since I've had years of being made to feel like my feelings are wrong. Feelings are simply how you feel, they're not inherently good or bad. The actions we take because of those feelings can be wrong, like it's ok to feel angry, but not ok to hit someone because you're angry, but the feelings are just how you feel.

Your partner's behaviour is an exact description of my ex partner. It's very confusing to be in this kind of relationship, I spent years trying to fix mine. It is 100% an emotionally abusive relationship, he is trying to control you and get his own way by invalidating you. I highly recommend reading "Why does he do that, inside the minds of angry and controlling men" by Lundy Bancroft. This will enable you to fully understand the dynamic and know what to do. It's great that you have a good career and that you're making a plan for your finances. It took me a year to prepare before I left. You will be so much happier when you don't have to live in this awful atmosphere where you are constantly criticized and denied. Getting out is hard but well worth it. My child is way happier now and my ex can't bully him as he used to because he is old enough to say that he doesn't want to visit him if that happens and he has an alternative home to go to. My ex now behaves better because we are not at his mercy. Stay strong and trust your instincts, you can do this!

In relation to lots of things you have said, this is not utter priority, but do get hold of a payslip or paperwork of his that has his monthly income and his NI number. Once you are out you can use that information to support your getting maintenance for your DC. It's amazing how much more hassle is once you have split and you don't have the right info. Pop that and passports together and leave them somewhere else safe - not in the house. As others have said, don't leak any of your thoughts to him and make sure everything is in place for your move away from him before he has any idea you are going.